We love it when you stop by our sex worker interview series "A Tryst With..." Read on for a glimpse into the world of Oakland Domme Mistress Ritual, as we chat about commanding space, relationships with subs, and being a "Heavy Metal Love Witch."
Can you tell us your “origin story” as a sex worker?
I have been in the adult industry for nine years, and have done various types of sex work ranging from camming to being a faceless online findom. Being a dominatrix is by far my favorite, and happened mainly because everywhere I go, I am absolutely worshiped. My height and alternative look have always gotten me a lot of positive attention. My love for ‘80s heavy metal and glam introduced me to parts of the kink scene that fascinated me, including artists like W.A.S.P. and Joan Jett who openly talked about BDSM in their music. Becoming a pro domme felt like the natural next step; to take something I was already practicing in my personal life and perfecting the skills to do so professionally, safely and sensually.
Did you train in a dungeon or undertake an apprenticeship? What was this experience like for you?
I was trained by multiple pro dommes, and have gained years of experience being mentored by women in the industry that I continue to look up to. Being a professional in the kink scene is not something you can just fall into; it takes rigorous training, trial and error to become educated enough to do it on a paid basis. It has been an incredible experience to become friends and mutuals with so many ladies I have known about and been inspired by before I was a pro domme myself, and just like any industry I continue to learn everyday from my peers in the adult world.
What’s one myth about professional BDSM that you’d like to bust?
That dommes dislike their subs or treat them poorly. My regular submissives, for which I have many, are incredible to me. They are attentive, caring, romantic, exciting, and most of all fun! BDSM dynamics, whether on a professional basis or not, are relationships. My relationships with my submissives may look a little different than other types of relationships, but there is still so much care and trust there, sometimes even more than in a “vanilla” one.
You’re very tall—6 ft 2 or 188 cm! What about your stature and presence appeals to your clients? What is it like to command space in this way?
My height is certainly my niche and does make me stand out. But I am rarely 6 ft 2; I own one pair of flats that I never wear, so day-to-day I am closer to 6 ft 5 while just roaming around in the world. When I am in a session, I am between 6 ft 8 and 6 ft 10, depending on the shoes I am wearing in the scene. My height fascinates clients, since I am both taller and bigger than the average man, and can not only be intimidating but also incredibly comforting. I use both of these attributes to my advantage, depending on the intensity and interests in a scene.
You’re pursuing higher education in psychology. What does this bring to your kink work?
I am currently in training to become a sex therapist. Being a dominatrix has taught me so much about mental health, and why people are the way they are—and having a background in psychology has made me a better domme. I am lucky that the psychology field is very accepting of sex work in general, and that I can and will continue to pursue both careers at the same time. The psychology of kink has always fascinated me, and being trauma-informed is a huge plus in sessions, not only for the client but for myself as well.
What’s a fetish you love to explore with clients? Do you have any fetishes yourself?
I have so many fetishes, too many to list! My favorite fetish to explore with clients—and one of my biggest requests—is using my physicality to dominate someone. I am not only tall, but I am also broad, curvy, strong, and very “built.” Getting whipped or flogged by me is an intense experience; being held down by my body weight alone, being trampled under my feet or feeling my strength against you is unlike anything else. I am always told that I am “a whole lot of woman” which is one of my favorite compliments. There is no truer statement.
What does your workspace look like? How is it set up? Do you have a favourite piece of furniture or equipment?
I work out of a handful of dungeon spaces throughout Oakland, many of them owned and operated by my friends and acquaintances in the industry. My favorite part of the dungeons I play at are always the St. Andrew’s Cross. I love to admire my sub all tied up and blindfolded: a severe height difference between us as they await what comes next!
Do you have a pre or post session routine or ritual?
Before sessions, I always listen to my favorite goth playlist to get into the right mindset—London After Midnight, Type O Negative and Merciful Nuns are some of my favorite goth bands. After sessions, I like to take a drive in my muscle car with the top down if I have time, basking in my dominance and reminiscing about all of the naughtiness I got up to. I also am a musician, so playing some guitar or writing after a session is a great way to keep my creative juices flowing.
Where do you draw inspiration from in your BDSM practice?
I always refer to myself as a “Heavy Metal Love Witch.” A lot of my aesthetics are from 1980s heavy metal and glam (think: big hair, leather, and dripping sexuality) plus the fact that I am, indeed, a practicing witch. Most of my fetishes and interests are things I am genuinely into, and have become very good at as well. I am always inspired by other dommes and love learning from other sex workers when I can.
Is there anything that always makes you feel particularly powerful or grounded in your body?
I love that I am admired for my beauty and body wherever I go. I have a lot of self-love, so validation is not needed for me to feel good; but being told at the grocery store, gas station or a bar that I am beautiful and look super cool is always the best! Waking up everyday and feeling powerful because of my stature is a great plus as well. I love being tall and acknowledging that I am a force to be reckoned with.
Do you have a favourite portrayal/representation of pro BDSM in tv/film/fiction?
One of my favorite films is Secretary. Though the roles are reversed in my own life and career, I love how both characters lean into their kinkiness with the help of each other. BDSM is a two-way street, and everyone involved needs to be able to let their guard down to enjoy a scene. I think it is one of the most romantic movies of all time.
What do you like to do when you’re not working? Do you have any hobbies or special interests?
I write and play music often, I love pole dancing, and I paint occasionally. I am a very creative person and always like to stay busy in that way. I always want to create but my favorite hobby of all time is travel, specifically solo travel. I try to take a solo trip every few months if I can; my last trip was a week in the Mojave Desert exploring abandoned places and ghost towns alone. I love the desert in general, and driving my car out into the middle of nowhere to get away from everyone for a while. It is a great way to clear my head.
My favourite film is: Natural Born Killers
The best way to wake up is: somewhere off grid with lots of venmo notifications from good boys
If you want to buy me a drink, you could order a: a virgin bloody mary
For me, the best part of kink is: the absolute joy in finally making a fantasy come to life!
My favourite meme is: the trend of men “planking until failure” (aka just whimpering and moaning on Instagram)
Want to meet Oakland Domme Mistress Ritual in person?
Head over to her profile! 👇👇👇
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