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From beards to butts: A client's guide to hygiene

From beards to butts: A client's guide to hygiene

. 7 min read

The level of service received from a sex worker depends very much on you.

I‘m not talking about whether you’re conventionally attractive. In the course of my work, I meet a lot of people who worry they’re not ‘hot’ enough. “I’m probably too old for this,” they might say. Or, “I should warn you, I’m just an average-looking guy.” I spend a lot of time reassuring my clients that physical appearance isn’t important when you see a sex professional.

But there’s an exception to this rule: personal hygiene.

Whether you smell good. Whether you’re freshly shaved. Whether you’ve bothered to put on a clean shirt. When you make an effort, your worker knows you’re investing more than just money into the encounter - that you see the meeting as a special occasion.

People sometimes assume that because they’re paying, they don’t need to attend to their cleanliness. I’ve met some folks who were covered in sweat, as if they’d just won a football game. I’ve turned more than one client away because they had suspicious-looking rashes on their nether regions from lack of washing. When I’m getting intimate with another human being, this kind of personal presentation definitely affects my enthusiasm.

So I’d like to give you some hygiene tips. Not just the obvious stuff, but also the little things you may not have considered. By the time we’re done, you’ll be in excellent shape to impress your date and get naked with confidence.

Fresh breath leads to a good makeout sesh.

If you’re into kissing, good mouth hygiene is essential. Although many escorts offer kissing as a service, it’s always conditional on your dental hygiene. After all, they’re getting up close and personal with your teeth, tongue and lips, and that’s never going to happen if you have bad breath.

Here are a few tips for ensuring you’re kissable:

  • Avoid eating or drinking anything strong beforehand, such as onion, garlic or coffee.
  • Floss and brush your teeth.
  • Deal with underlying dental issues first. Bad breath is sometimes caused by a cavity or gum disease, and brushing won’t fix this - you need to see a dentist.
  • Use mouthwash right before you make out with someone. Go to the grocery store to pick up one of those tiny, portable bottles and bring it with you to the session. And if a worker’s incall space has mouthwash in the bathroom, use it!

Wash all your crevices (not just your butt).

A thorough wash is my number-one tip for ensuring good sex.

If you’re visiting the worker, take a shower right before you leave the house, and don’t be offended if we ask you to wash again once you arrive. Many escorts will request you take a shower at the start of the session regardless of whether you did so earlier. It’s our way of being one-hundred-percent sure you’re one-hundred-percent clean.

Washing your butt crack is pretty obvious, right? With soap. Get right in there. Same goes for armpits: a splash of water doesn’t cut it, you really need to scrub. As someone who does a lot of workouts at the gym, I’ve found that exfoliating occasionally can help neutralise persistently stinky ‘pits.

There are other spots that matter too. If you’re on the bigger side and you have a stomach roll, you’ll need to make sure you scrub underneath, as sweat, dead skin and bacteria can accumulate there. The belly button is another place that clients sometimes overlook. If you have a foreskin, pull it back and wash underneath with water. You can use a mild soap, but it’s advised to be gentle, as it’s a sensitive area.

Balls (aka testicles) can have a distinctive smell, and I recommend giving them a thorough once-over with soap too. Having someone play with your nuts is a wonderful experience, but it’s much less likely to happen if you’re sticky or sweaty.

Consider ‘manscaping’, both upstairs and downstairs.

To beard, or not to beard? It’s a bit like the ‘pineapple on pizza’ debate - everyone has an opinion. But at the end of the day, your facial hair style is your own business. Having a beard or going clean shaven are both fine, as long as you practice good grooming.

For beardless folks, that means doing a fresh shave right before your meeting. Otherwise, you might leave your play partner with stubble rash on their face or - worse - their nether regions.

If you have a beard, personal grooming becomes even more important. Facial hair can trap all kinds of stinky stuff, such as food and cigarette smoke, and harbour bacteria. So give that bad boy a thorough wash! If you condition your beard, your face will feel incredible and smell amazing too. It’s a great way to ensure a satisfying make-out session, if that’s a service your escort provides!

So, that’s the face. But what about the rest of you? Like beards, it’s totally up to you as to how much hair you want and where. But if you feel inclined, a bit of pubic grooming can be really nice. Trimming the hair around your ‘bits’ gives everything a neat appearance, a smoother feeling and can make oral sex more enjoyable for your worker. Again, there’s no judgement - people of all genders have the right to shave or not, as they wish. It’s just something to consider.

If you do decide to trim, a specialised electric shaver is often more comfortable than a razor, especially if you’re prone to ingrown hairs. There are appliances made especially for this purpose, such as the Manscaped line of products promoted by sex work podcast Somebody You Love. They even offer a discount code - listen to the podcast for more details.

Use aftershave and cologne in moderation, if at all.

I love tasteful scents. Thanks to my painful adolescent memories of Lynx Body Spray, expensive cologne makes me imagine you’re a breed of man who’s more sophisticated (and definitely a lot more fun). I know a lot of guys (and gals, and everyone else too) who have a signature scent they prefer to wear, and a hint of aftershave across the table at dinner can definitely make my heart beat a little faster when we’re flirting on a dinner date.

But it doesn’t wow everyone. Some workers might be allergic to perfume or have sensory processing issues that make strong smells overwhelming. Aftershave and cologne can also sometimes taste a bit nasty. Many times I’ve gone to kiss someone’s neck, only to end up with a bitter taste in my mouth! So if you do use a scent, it’s best to use it sparingly.

Some clients avoid cologne entirely, simply because it makes getting intimate too uncomfortable. If you’re worried that your worker might not appreciate your signature scent, ask them before you meet in person.

Attend to your hands and nails

Having nice nails is something of a gendered issue - it’s considered normal for women to get a mani-pedi on a regular basis, but less so for the guys. Fortunately, that’s changing…and it needs to, because dirty, pointy nails aren’t conducive to good sex..

You can do a lot of damage to someone if you have sharp edges on your fingernails or toenails. Even a crusty bit of dried skin on your hands can scratch your worker’s delicate anatomy!

It’s impossible to enjoy being touched when a client’s hands or nails are scratchy. Just imagine - every time you reach out for your date, they cringe because they’re afraid of being injured. Or, the day after your session, they’re left dealing with a nasty bacterial infection because you fingered them using dirty nails. Neither of these things will endear you to your escort.

You don’t need to book a mani-pedi to solve this problem (although it can be really fun.) Here are a few simple steps for great hands and nails:

  1. Use a nail scrubbing brush to remove dirt from under your fingernails.
  2. Cut your fingernails and toenails short with nail scissors. Nail clippers aren’t optimal, as a ‘straight across’ cut often leaves sharp edges.
  3. Blunt your newly-trimmed nails with a nail file. This step is essential after trimming, as a freshly-cut nail will often have sharp edges. Pro tip: if you’re caught short, buffing your nails vigorously with a rough material such as denim or a towel can help remove any pointy bits.
  4. If you’re prone to calluses, moisturise your hands before the booking. This will help remove any rough skin on your fingers or palms.

Good touch is essential for good sex…and smooth, well-kept hands are the sign of an experienced sexual adventurer.

How to dress for success.

Just as I don’t judge others for their body shape or age, I don’t believe in judging my clients for what they wear. I suspect many escorts are similar - whether you can afford designer jeans probably isn’t an issue. So when you’re worrying about what to wear on your next date, don’t feel bad if you’re not a big spender.

You know what impresses me? Making the effort to dress up, whatever ‘dressing up’ means to you. Spending time with a sex worker is very much like a regular date, in that it’s important to show you care and that you’re at least a little emotionally invested. So whatever you’d wear for a regular date - whether it’s a nice polo shirt and smart casual jeans, or the full James Bond treatment with suit and dress shoes - is a good bet.

No matter what you wear, make sure it’s freshly washed. Even if you’ve worn something for a day or so and it smells fine to you, that might not be the case for the worker you’re about to meet. Don’t rely on the ‘sniff test’ - it’s safer to take something straight off the clothesline.

This particularly applies to underwear. Having a clean, new pair of boxers or briefs is essential. I know of some clients who buy extra-nice undies just for their escort dates and keep them in the drawer for those special occasions. When we get naked together, the fresh, soft, and sometimes slinky material is a lovely surprise. A splash of colour or a fun print can also be a playful way to express yourself.

Effort is more important than perfection.

I know I say this a lot, but it’s true: having an enjoyable time with an escort isn’t about being perfect. You don’t need to be young or conventionally attractive. You don’t need to have impeccable fashion sense, feel confident, be sexually experienced or make lots of money.

But effort does matter. When meeting a new client, their attitude always affects my enthusiasm. Being clean, smelling great, and dressing up shows that you care about our time together….and when I know you care, I’m much more inclined to take good care of you in turn. This is the key to a great encounter! If you’re able to demonstrate that you take your own pleasure seriously, we know that you’ll appreciate what we have to offer.

So break out the soap and shampoo, get that dental checkup, and go buy yourself some lucky underwear. Considering the time and money that you put into your encounters with sex professionals, it’s worth putting effort into your hygiene too.