Tell us your story, how did you get into the industry and what has your journey looked like thus far?
My journey didn't start as Amber. Like many of my peers, I had a few "mutually beneficial" relationships prior to becoming independent. I very much value long-term arrangements where I build a true friendship and love with my suitors, and I think much of that comes from my time as a spoiled girlfriend. My story is by no means unique; I had a very hefty tuition and I had watched my siblings go into a great deal of debt. I wanted more freedom than that, and as the climate of "sugar babies" very much changed how some people behaved, I realized that I needed a more direct approach. I was Amber all through college, and graduated debt-free! Originally, that was the only goal: to get through school and then silently close this chapter. However, I became involved in sex work as a community, and I fostered some lifelong relationships (romantic and otherwise) as Amber. While I use a pseudonym, she is very much me. I think it will be a bit of time before I can walk away from Amber completely, if ever!
What weird food combinations do you really enjoy?
Talking about food is obnoxiously difficult for me. I took an entire course dedicated to the intersection of food and art, and the language we use and the cultural dynamics at play when we talk about food. Cuisine is such the backbone of culture, and there are so many intricacies to that dialogue that it kind of makes my head spin. For example, think of Italian food. You probably picture pasta or pizza, thick tomato sauces slathered over delicious carbs, but the tomato didn't arrive in Europe until after its discovery in the Americas. All of these dishes that we think of as "staples" of Italian cuisine didn't even come around until the 19th century. So, while I would love to be the type of person who could just tell you about this awesome new restaurant they discovered that makes this amazing dish, I can't even get past the origin of the ingredients... haha! But I will always have a soft spot for dishes centered around raw fish, which is a pretty weird thing to combine with other ingredients, and it's amazing just how many of those pairings are actually perfect!
What are some of your hobbies and interests outside of work?
I have always loved photography! My sister got me a Holga when I was young, and I took that thing EVERYWHERE. I remember that 120 film was impossible to find, so I had to carefully rig the spool with paper towels and hair ties so that I could use 35mm. I still have that camera, as well as a few family antiques, Polaroid Land cameras as well as their trendy Instax predecessors, a DSLR and a mirrorless, and some classic 35mm Nikons. I love shooting very much, especially on a hike or a beach day! Getting outside and enjoying some fresh air is my greatest joy, second only to long road trips that end at romantic getaways...
As sex workers we face a number of challenges in our line of work. What is one issue you care about and how do you think your clients can help sex workers?
Censorship of all kinds really keeps this industry from getting the exposure we deserve. Whether it's on ad sites or social media, I think supporting new ideas like Tryst and Switter that are sex worker focused and created is one of the simplest ways to help sex workers. Avoiding and even admonishing sites that have taken advantage of our communities is important, because they can only continue if they have users.
You mentioned that California is your forever home. What are some of your favourite places you’d recommend to others?
I much prefer to play tour guide for people who want to see the real gems of California. One thing that Californians are all very good at is keeping our secret spots behind tight lips. So much of the pristine beauty of this state is due to our dedication to keeping much of the landscape wild. I also have to acknowledge that I am very much a Northern Californian girl. SoCal and NorCal are truly night and day, in both climate and attitude. Of course, we all seem to have a common goal of a healthy and active lifestyle, but that can be said of all of the West Coast!
I would say some of my must-see spots for Northern California are probably...
Big Sur: A well-known beach town that you can only access by the world-renowned drive down Highway One. Breathtaking doesn't actually cover the feeling that drive evokes. And when you get there, it really is a choose your own adventure, whether you prefer the outright luxury of the Post Ranch Inn, or want proper down-and-dirty camping! There are even glamping sites with marble bathrooms, if you crave the best of both worlds. The views, the food, the lodging, Big Sur is a must see.
Calistoga: Like Big Sur, this is a fairly remote location that requires a bit of driving through gorgeous trees and ancient vineyards. I mention Calistoga primarily for their mineral water hot springs. Calistoga is home to all of my favorite spas in the country. There’s endless good food and once again, the chance to either keep your entire trip 5-star, or relax into the local down-to-earth vibe. Also, wine tasting! Truly, one of my favorite California experiences is being chauffeured from one stunning winery to the next to soak up the views while you sip the fruits of so much labor and love.
Tahoe: Last but certainly not least is Lake Tahoe. I grew up there, and it’s a magical place to call home. Water so blue you can hardly imagine it, and majestic granite boulders that time has gently rounded spotting the beaches and the water. I'm not much of a snow bunny (after so many years of being snowed into my home growing up, haha), but in the summertime, I really think Tahoe is a must-see. I won't say there’s much in the way of food, but if you enjoy an outdoor scene, there’s an endless list of opportunities. And that elevation is transformative for your airways! Each side of Tahoe will offer a completely different experience. You can be traipsing in the casino-lined drives of the south / Nevada side, or go on something as niche as a historical Mark Twain tour on the northern banks.
What’s one of the strangest experiences you’ve had since starting in the industry?
I think almost everything I experience would be considered "strange" to someone outside of the industry. I get such an intimate peek into people’s lives, desires, and habits. I suppose the only thing that is strange to me is just how quickly someone can put all their love and trust into you. The number of times a brief encounter has quickly turned into a lingering one (or even a set in stone plan to journey to another COUNTRY together) is incredible! It's truly the highest compliment when someone shows that you’re worth such a large investment of their time. That strange little occurrence of true chemistry and commitment is exactly what has kept me around as Amber. It's like watching a match being struck in total darkness: it's both so simple and so magical all at once.
If you could instantly become an expert in something, what would it be and why?
Oh, that's so tough! Probably linguistics, both in a sense of grammar and syntax as well as language knowledge. To be able to communicate fluently and effortlessly in any culture truly sounds like the greatest gift of all. There’s so much missed human connection due to our inability to fully understand one another. (I suppose that sounds a bit heavier than I intended it to, although I agree with both sentiments.) I would love nothing more than to have access to every verbal language used today. That sounds truly priceless. Can you imagine arriving in any country in the world knowing that you can easily ask for guidance or local tips? It would be the most freeing feeling!
What’s your one go to piece of advice for workers just starting out?
I try to avoid advising others! Full heartedly! If someone has a very direct question, I am always happy to offer my opinion, but I think there is a very widely-held belief that there are "right" and "wrong" ways to go about engaging in FSSW. What works wonders for me can be an utter flop for someone else. I think trusting your intuition and being true to yourself and your limits is the best advice that I can give. I truly believe in making intuitive decisions, and if something feels not quite right or makes you pause, then acknowledge that, or even choose to walk away from the situation.
What has escorting taught you about sex and human sexuality?
This job has taught me that sex goes so much deeper than just the intimate act. The best sex I have is rooted deeply in getting to know someone: spending quality time with them, trusting them, understanding them, and them understanding me as well. When you truly care for someone and enjoy the time you spend together, your whole body opens up and becomes a creature eager to interact. Some of the most profound sexual relationships I’ve had have been with close friends, especially peers in this industry. People who are that in tune with their body and their desires truly make the best bedfellows.
My dream date would consist of: A road trip to a farm-to-table meal, followed by a relaxing bath in a deep soak tub and a night of sheer pleasure. Then a cup of earl grey with honey in the morning, before a bit more...
My favorite restaurant is: One I haven't been to! The joy of a dining experience to me is in discovering something new.
My favourite perfume is: Rose of No Man's Land, by Byredo.
If you were going to buy me a drink you should buy me a: Glass of Billecart Reserve, or an "extra dirty" martini.