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A Tryst with Melbourne kink provider and escort Sai Jaiden Lillith

A Tryst with Melbourne kink provider and escort Sai Jaiden Lillith

. 11 min read

Until recently, negative and often false stereotypes of sex work and sex workers have dominated the media and public discourse. We think it's vital that these stereotypes are deconstructed and stories about sex work are being told by sex workers themselves, rather than disconnected journalists. In this series, we chat to sex workers from across the globe to help you better understand all things sex work and how you can help. Today we chat to Melbourne escort and kink provider Sai Jaiden Lilith about starting out in kink and full service, draconian legislation and gender fluidity.

Tell us your story, how did you get into the industry and what has your journey looked like thus far?

At age 35 I quit an unfulfilling corporate job and started sex work as an independent full service kink friendly switch. My early days were filled with wild situations and marked by an utter lack of self preservation. I had no idea about peer support networks and I had a lot of dark times, as well as intense and unexpected authentic connections. I fell into BDSM through an extremely lucky combination of clients; one of whom was a proDom who wanted to be topped and loved my style and persona. They trained me in the use of a dungeon and a huge range of toys and equipment. It was a great hands on training period, AND I got paid for it. I was extremely lucky and privileged.

Shibari (Japanese Rope Bondage) intrigued me; it was the perfect combination of the creative, techincal and erotic. I met a wonderful rigger (Frostbite) and when they first suspended me I relived my childhood death experience. When I was five I drowned. It was incredibly peaceful. I remember an all embracing darkness which coalesced into a feminine energy; I felt safe, held & loved, and I heard/felt a voice say "There is no judgement here, only love - you are loved." I was resuscitated and that was the most traumatic part of the whole experience. Except this time instead of being traumatically birthed into harsh light and the rough hands of a stranger, I was gently brought back to earth and held in a loving embrace. I was ecstatic for a night, and then I cried on the couch for two days because of sub drop.

It was life changing. I threw myself into rope lessons, tying every day, and performed my first suspension after six months. I wanted to take people on powerful journeys, magical moments of exploration, transcendent peaks of sex and desire. I love sex and connection and my spirituality encompasses & venerates the erotic.

I worked at The Kastle and then Temple 22 in Sydney. Helped build and run Sanctuary, a now defunct kink / BDSM club in Sydney. I’ve since moved to Melbourne and returned to full time independent work, and I’m 2IC for Australian Domina Parties. I've taught workshops and performed Shibari at Sexpo and OzKinkFest as well as at metal gigs, street festivals to raves. Trained with some amazing riggers (both domestic and international) and some of the finest dominants in Australia. I'm very blessed to consider some of them close friends, such as Miss Penelope Dreadful, Mistress Tokyo, Electra Amore and Artemisia DeVine. I started making porn thanks to the delightful Kristen Jade. Explored and incorporated tantric and magical practices thanks to my dear love, life partner and collaborator Eve X. Created beautiful Shibari / Fetish based art with many wonderful collaborators.

I've been a musician from age 15 and had a variety of careers (managing a bookstore, electronics repairs, corporate systems analyst). None of them had given me the sense and depth of purpose that I eventually found with my particular style of sex work.

What are some of your hobbies and interests outside of work?

I'm blessed to have folded a bunch of my hobbies into my work; Art and especially music have always been a deep part of my makeup. I've folded my music into my sex work journey, with my band ZCluster being unashamedly erotic and fetishistic. Our latest video clip is actually a combination of porn I've shot with Eve X and additional footage. I have actually gotten some amazing clients that have found me through my music! And I LOVE creating dark and evocative art; sex work has actually reignited my love of photography and visual arts; and I love that it is a part of my regular work.

That said, I LOVE playing video games, reading and movies. I'm a sucker for emotional, violent and whacky anime. I'm a fan of sci-fi, fantasy, super hero narratives, art films, horror, comedies; and anything that can roll as many of those things into one as possible. I love exploring the outdoors, many of the arts and I absolutely love creating delicious food for the people I love. And there's nothing like some great live music!

As sex workers, we face several challenges in our line of work. What are some of the issues you care about, and how do you think your clients can help sex workers?

Censorship is a big one, especially being a content creator as well as an in person sex worker. Laws like FOSTA SESTA and the Online Safety Bill not only threaten our livelihoods, they threaten to sanitize the web and prevent sexual education, authentic expression and support groups from having places to exist without being taken down. Sex worker social media accounts are regularly deplatformed.

Anti sex / porn groups and SWERFS are some of the biggest dangers to sex workers, as they work actively to deplatform us as well as promote punitive measures such as the Nordic Model. They portray us as without agency, or as beings without any meaningful way to consent. It's dehumanising and offensive. Conflating consensual sex work with sex trafficking is incredibly harmful and leads to the passage of laws like the above which don't help the real victims of trafficking while screwing over everyone else.

The dehumanisation of sex workers also grants validity to the predators and violent abusers who physically harm and abuse sex workers; and the lack of decriminalisation gives us no legal recourse or protections in a variety of situations.

Clients can help by raising awareness, being open about seeing sex workers whenever it is possible. Calling out whorephobic speech whenever you see it. See us as normal everyday people, and accord us the same respects and rights as any other person on the planet. When there is a core issue such as the Online Safety Bill, add your voice to the activism in whatever way you can - even if it's just signal boosting. We’re the canaries in the coal mines in terms of a public sexual identity, and you can guarantee that any actions taken against us will have future repercussions that will directly affect the world at large. As an example; when FOSTA SESTA came online it took down many avenues of advertising ourselves, which made it harder for clients to find us. But the flow on effect of that is that many sites are further sanitising their content, making it harder for ordinary people to post anything that has a sexual tone to it.

Is there a book, tv show, or movie that had had a significant impact on your life? What was it, and what did it teach you?

Fight Club. I saw it when I was 18 and I was entranced by a tale of a way to escape the numbness of life as part of a machine. The absurdity of societal expectations and many of the trappings of modern life. Of getting in touch with the primal self and finding freedom and release in the bloody violence of it, of feeling alive in the danger, in the immediacy of the moment. Not trying to numb out or escape pain but to face it. It spoke to me about the dangers of living a dissociative polarized existence; and the importance of acknowledging and reconciling the many selves within. That to let one self take over completely was to risk utter annihilation; and each self has lessons to teach the other. As someone who ended up in a numbing corporate role who then escaped by metaphorically blowing up my life and giving the finger to societal expectations, I can definitely relate to it very strongly nowadays!

How does your queerness interact with your work?

I don’t know if there’s any part of my work that isn’t impacted or informed by my queerness! My entire brand and image is based on a very authentic portrayal of aspects of my personality and sexual identity. I’m fiercely political in that I believe that all of our decisions have an impact on the world we live in. That every action in itself informs and queries assumed power dynamics, notions of static identity and gender.

I'd always had issues with embracing dominance as a male in a sexual context, because... patriarchy. Part of my journey was a soul shattering experience of channeling deep feminine energy as Lilith and finding my dominance through that feminine lens. From there I worked to reframe and heal my masc self; to be able to also offer "masc" dominant energies in a healthy and personally ethical framework - as well as everything in between. I found the concepts of genderfluidity incredibly liberating and central to my Work.

I see clients on the entire spectrum of gender identity and sexualities. Because of my genderqueer presentation, I find myself helping clients who want to explore their own identities and escape some of the gender norms that they've been saddled with in their life. Or perhaps wanting to just explore aspects of their gender identity that have been neglected. And that's deeply fulfilling as a part of my Work.

I’m working under multiple models as I’m a touring escort. However the most relevant one is the legalised model as I’m Victoria based. This IS different to decrim (for those unaware) as there are many barriers and legal hurdles to overcome under Victorian sex work legislation. Not being allowed to work from home; which in many cases is the safest and most financially viable option. For those who suffer from chronic illnesses, it may well be the only way that a viable income can be earned. Restrictions on being able to work with other sex workers, which increases individual risk. Having to go on a database as a sex worker and risk being outed to the public as well as possible restrictions on future employment; OR operate illegally and have even less legal recourse.

Decriminalisation is important because it would make working conditions safer, and level the playing field for many independent workers. It basically means that sex work would be covered by and regulated by the laws which govern all other businesses. I’d love to see sex work decriminalised globally so that we could all be afforded the same rights and protections as ANY OTHER WORKER on this earth, because there’s no real good reason that it should have any other legal status.

What kind of music are you currently listening to?

I love evocative, wildly emotional music. Industrial music and the darker, heavier side of things (a huge range of subgenres of metal), as well as really sexy grooves and dirty hip hop. I need music to have a MOOD. I grew up on Tool, NIN, Ministry and Korn so they hold a very special place in my heart and still find a lot of rotation on my stereo and session playlists. I do have fairly eclectic tastes; jazz, orchestral, pop music, ambient; right now I have Hidden Orchestras playing. I really dig chillcore like MISSIO, Ramsey and Sevdeliza also feature heavily in my sexy mood list of musics.

What do you think the public should know about the sex industry and sex workers?

The sex industry is like any other industry - it has positives and negatives, many of the negatives around it are in the interactions with the outmoded patriarchal, puritanical and misogynist attitudes of society. That we are all kinds of people, from all walks of life, doing sex work for our own reasons. That workers who have consensually decided to engage in sex work are very, very different to sex trafficking. That it's hard work, AND emotionally draining; and often incredibly physically demanding. We are all humans, please treat us as such when you approach us.

And also that no matter how much you love a job, some days you really would rather splay yourself on the couch and watch TV.

What would your dream date look like?

I think I have as many dream dates as I have facets of personality!

A night out - meeting up at a fancy fun bar or cafe and getting to know each other better over lingering looks and flirtatious touch. Going out dancing at a kink party, and being exhibitionistic kinky fucks with public rope and play. Then home for some delicious aftercare, good food and possibly more play...

A night in - cooking a wonderful meal of your favourite things and chatting over sexy music… dancing around the kitchen and pushing you up against the fridge and fooling around while the food’s cooking. I'm a bit of a momma bear so I LOVE feeding people amazing home cooked food.

And of course one of my all time favourites; being out in wild nature exploring and frolicking; a picnic with delicious food and perhaps a sneaky glass of wine... experiencing the sunlight on our bare skin, or the cool night air entwined with the heat of a fire. There may be some rope and trees involved.

I do love almost anything to do with the arts, exploring galleries, bookstores, live bands - such delicious topics of conversation and ways to get the mind stirring.

Do you have any advice for workers wanting to get started in BDSM?

Definitely get your training happening, find a prodomme whose practices you feel you can resonate with and see if they offer training; and expect to compensate them for their time! This could be monetary or service oriented, depending on their on needs and boundaries. Write a list of what interests you, what excites you about BDSM / topping, what really feeds you; and then find someone who can train you in those things. Sitting in sessions and watching kink in action can give you much more knowledge and power than purely theoretical and self practice. Try things out, I have found it very enlightening to experience at least some of the the acts from the other side of the slash. Always keep your head, and remember that your power and sense of dominance are not a license to act like an asshole to people. In all pro-kink remember your boundaries and don’t do anything you don’t feel prepared to do. And for prodom/mes - remember that top drop is something that does happen and to take care of yourself.


My favorite scent is: Sex, or honey, vanilla and cinnamon
My favorite restaurant is: Okami; I LOVE Japanese food, AND it's all you can eat...
If you were to buy me a drink at a bar, you should buy me: Laphroiag on the rocks
My favorite thing to be gifted is: whiskey or hand made gifts (I'm deeply sentimental)

Want to meet Melbourne kink provider and escort Sai Jaiden Lilith in the flesh? Head over to their Tryst profile! 👇👇👇

Sai Jaiden Lillith • Tryst.link
Sai Jaiden Lillith is a non-binary Escort from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia. ❤ “Follow me down the rabbit hole – Helpless, blindfolded, anticipation building deliciously… rough cord of a rope dragging slowly across your skin, tightening and constricting around...”