It can be daunting doing something new for the first time. That includes visiting a brothel. There aren’t many guides on what to do, how to interact with the workers, or what to expect when visiting a brothel. Sex work is shrouded in secrecy and stigma, so it’s not something you can just ask around about. But visiting a brothel is a super common, easy, and fun experience that you can make even better by following my recommendations. I asked some brothel-working friends about what they wish clients knew about etiquette. Who better to get advice from than current and former brothel workers?
Walking into a brothel for the first time can be intimidating, like any other first experience! But know that if you show up with curiosity, a positive intent, a generous spirit, and a willingness to listen and learn, you’re going to have an amazing time.
What to expect
Every brothel works differently, but I’ll give you a quick run down of how the ones I’ve worked at function.
When you walk in the door of a brothel, you’re likely going to be met by a receptionist or manager who will seat you in a waiting room. Then, one by one the workers will come and meet you. This is called an ‘intro’. They will introduce themselves and tell you a little about the standard service they provide and the cost for any extra services they offer. You will have the opportunity to ask any questions you might have at this point. Then, the receptionist will come back and ask you who you’d like to see. This is when you pay the fee.
Once you have made your choice and paid, the worker will take you to a room. Then it’s time for a health check. The provider will take a look at your genitals, making sure there’s no obvious signs of STIs. This might seem intimidating, but it’s just another part of the booking, and there’s no need to be embarrassed. When you’ve passed the health check, you’ll be instructed to shower. Then the fun begins!
Communicate clearly about your needs and desires
When it comes to meeting the workers, it’s important that you let them know what you are looking for. If you’re not sure, just follow the worker’s lead; they know what they’re doing! But if you have some specific things you’d like to try, or you’d prefer things done a certain way, it’s vital that you let them know about it in the intro. They will be able to tell you if that’s something they provide, or if they work in that particular way.
If one worker doesn’t provide the kind of service you’re looking for, there are always other workers who might, and it’s super important that you choose a provider whose working style aligns with your desires. This way, you have a much better chance of walking out of the booking feeling fulfilled.
Listen to the workers
The workers know what they’re doing–it’s their job, after all! My sex worker mate Zarina said, “We want you to have a good time; we will tell you the best way to achieve that!”
Make sure you listen to the instructions the worker gives you and follow them as best you can. Listen in the intro when the worker tells you about their service to make sure they provide what you are looking for. In the booking, listen when the worker tells you about their boundaries and the way they work. Being a good listener is key in all aspects of life, but especially in the brothel.
Get clean
You’re about to get very up-close and intimate with someone, so it’s important that you are fresh and clean. You might have just had a shower before coming into the brothel, but that doesn’t matter–you will still need to have one when you get there. There is no bending the rules on this matter! Once in the shower, make sure you wash everything well. Pay particular attention to your pits, butt, genitals, and under your foreskin if you have one. They may also have mouthwash at hand, so use it if it’s there! We’ve got a guide to hygiene on the blog that you can refer to for more information.
Don’t be cheap
Heading to the brothel is not the time to be tight when it comes to money. Seeing a sex worker is a luxury activity, and if you don’t have the funds for the experience you want, it’s best to wait until you do. The cost of the booking and the extras prices are final, and if you haggle, you run the risk of alienating yourself from the workers. You do NOT want that. Show them the respect you’d show any other professional when discussing their fees. Zarina said, “if you're not fighting to pay me more, you're arguing with the wall.”
Respect boundaries
When a sex worker tells you their boundaries, it is very important that you follow them. Nova Zone told me, “Once you book me, that does not give you the right to touch, grab or hold me however you want. I still have full autonomy over my body.” You aren’t paying to do whatever you like to the sex worker–you’re paying for a service from them, and they have a way that they perform that service. If a sex worker doesn’t provide the kind of service you are looking for, or the extras that you want in the session, then don’t try to negotiate past those boundaries. It’s really poor form. See someone who does provide them gladly!
Don’t micromanage
As I said above, a sex worker will have a way they give their service, and they are the experts on it! So don’t micromanage the booking. If you have a really specific set of instructions for a sex worker to follow, then you need to tell them that in the intro so that they can agree to it, and pay an extra fee for that service. Otherwise, it’s best to relax and let the worker take you on the ride. Sex worker O.G told me, “My favourite clients come in with curiosity and humility, and they let me steer the show. It is my vocation, after all.” Sex workers know what they’re doing and have experience in crafting a good session that is satisfying for both parties. Ivy, a brothel worker I chatted with said, “I'm a professional; you need to trust me to give you a fun experience without crossing my boundaries. Turning the booking into a power struggle is a huge turn off.”
Treat it like a special occasion
Going to a brothel is a luxury experience, and you should treat it that way. It is a special occasion! Dress nicely. Make sure your breath smells good (no garlic kebab just beforehand!) Be on your best behaviour. Don’t throw your clothes all over the floor! Listen to the wisdom of O.G, who said, “There's something very dignified about a client folding their clothes and putting them on a chair rather than strewing them all over the brothel floor. Fold your clothes. It will endear you to your provider, promise!”
Accept that you’re paying for a service
Ivy said, “I love clients who are comfortable and happy with the fact that they're paying a sex worker for a service.” Don’t worry about your looks, height, fitness level, or if the sex worker is attracted to you, or any of those little concerns you might have about yourself. Be open to the fact that you are paying for a service; you’re there to have fun, and the sex worker’s job is to work with you to provide that experience!
The secret to a good booking is you
Again, O.G with the wisdom: “The secret ingredient to a good booking is you. Are you polite? Do you respect boundaries? Is your breath fresh? Are you clean? If you're a nice person with good hygiene, 99% of the time you'll have a good booking. Sex workers are professionals. We can't guarantee chemistry, but we can guarantee good service if you show up with the right attitude and good grooming.”
Going to a brothel might seem like an intimidating experience, but if you follow the advice of sex workers who have the knowledge of how to act and what to expect, I know you’re going to have a great time. Don’t be daunted! Be well-groomed, generous, curious, open, and respectful, and your brothel experience is bound to be an exceptional one.
Are you a sex worker with a story, opinion, news, or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!
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