Editors Note: this review mentions sexual assault depicted in film.
I really hated this movie.
Before I tear into it, let me start with the positives. Rosamund Pike is wonderful; her quips and one-liners are the only saving grace of the whole film, and she plays her character very well despite it having zero depth. The sets and cinematography are also nice to look at, probably a purposeful choice to distract the audience from just how empty the plot is. I can see how Saltburn might be a suitable watch… for occasions like red-eye flights, hangovers, or recovering from brain surgery.
What irked me most wasn't the infamous bathtub scene, that made many squeamish and had the internet abuzz – after being paid four figures to let a grown man chug my own dirty bathwater – my capacity for shock is just higher. I guess. An occupational hazard.
My complaint is that Saltburn thinks it’s smarter than it is. It tries far too hard and still misses the mark. It’s all fat, no meat. Everything is so obvious and on the nose that it bypasses camp and lands squarely in the realm of genuinely bad. The taboo sex scenes feel like they were tacked on for edge and to cover up bad writing, rather than to advance plot or add any character development. I can’t tell if Saltburn is trying to do too much at once or not trying hard enough to do anything at all.
This movie seems like it’s making a strong statement but ultimately has nothing to say. It's highly overrated. It’s like straight people decided to make a Talented Mr. Ripley for themselves – but without the gay yearning, making it utterly pointless and deeply boring.
To understand how this movie not only got made but was critically lauded, I decided to investigate director Emerald Fennel’s other claim to fame, Promising Young Woman. In case you missed it in the time vortex of 2020, as I somehow did, this was a critically acclaimed, Academy Award-winning rape-revenge dark comedy-thriller. The premise sounds fantastic: the plot revolves around a woman seeking vengeance for the rape and eventual suicide of her college best friend. She lures men into setups where she waits for them to reveal themselves as the terrible, misogynistic creeps or rapists that they are, and then she does… something to them?? What exactly? Not sure! It’s never explained. It’s sort of insinuated she plans to kill them but instead decides to give them a stern talking-to? That’ll show ‘em!
Who doesn’t love an underdog story, especially one where women get to make bad men pay for their sins? But it was so bad. So, so, so bad. The plot is all over the place, there’s no character development, nothing makes any sense, and there’s a rom-com sing-along montage to Paris Hilton’s "Stars Are Blind" dropped in the middle that I’m guessing was intended to be campy but just feels out of place? Seriously, the movie is a mess. It has an interesting premise but fails to make anything meaningful of it. It feels half-assed, like it was banking on gaining notoriety and critical praise for riding on the back of the #MeToo movement, but that’s all it does. It doesn’t actually go anywhere or have anything to say.
Saltburn is like Promising Young Woman, in that it attempts to make a film about class and obscene wealth, riding on the coattails of the chasmic global wealth divide and justified resentment of the 1%. While it might seem like Saltburn is saying “eat the rich,” it has no such coherent statement. They’re both empty of true meaning or politic.
Did I feel like I wasted another two hours watching Promising Young Woman to understand why I had wasted two hours watching Saltburn? Yes! But I figured it out: these are thinking movies for people who don’t want to think very hard. They require little to no critical analysis to enjoy or discuss, and one can feel like they are ruminating upon serious political topics without actually having to use any brain cells. Despite taking themselves far too seriously, they both fall short of their ambitions, offering only superficial commentary masked as depth. Just like Promising Young Woman, Saltburn pretends to make bold statements, but ultimately fails to deliver anything substantial. Save your time and just watch The Talented Mr. Ripley, and if you want to watch a better Promising Young Woman try Abel Ferrara’s Ms. 45 or cult classic, Jennifer’s Body.
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