Best Little Whorehouse In Texas (1982) is supposedly my dad’s favourite movie. I used to love telling the mistresses at the dungeon that. They would choke on their cigarettes and belly laugh in surprise. I’d never seen the screen adaptation (nor the stage play) until we watched the feature as a family in 2020. I have always loved musical theatre but watching this film starring Dolly Parton as madam Miss Mona, at a brothel referred to as The Chicken Ranch, as a grown adult with my parents and sibling was a strange experience, given the context of this being my father’s favourite movie.
Best Little Whorehouse In Texas has some seriously iconic moments, much like my first night at the club did. There are titillating choreographed large scale group dance scenes in lieu of any kind of nudity. Honestly, my madam at the dungeon was a bit like Miss Mona. The big bleached hair, big personality, mother hen, pecking order kinda way except my madam was not chaotic good, she was on the other side of that spectrum and thankfully did not have on-premises access to a shotgun.
Since joining the industry, I have a holiday ritual of watching sex workers in media. I give in to my nostalgia and I binge on movies that represent our community, however badly. If they make me feel something, they’re a part of the programming. But Best Little Whorehouse in Texas isn’t a guilty pleasure – it’s a sex positive one. This movie barely steps a foot out of place. Without any kind of spoilers, the reason why it is my chosen holiday film is because of "Hard Candy Christmas", one of the final songs in the movie. The lyrics “me I’ll be just fine and dandy” make me want to weep every single time.
The violence of moralistic doxxing carried out in the catchy "Texas Has A Whorehouse In It" that really highlights the pageantry of such acts, if you’re prepared to delve into the subtext of the spectacle. The social satire and critique held within the "Side Step" number is really the peak of camp in this film but also so relevant, after over 40 years of politics since its release.
The closest brothel to where I first watched this film has no privacy for those visiting or working at the establishment. It’s a modern building in federation style on an industrial estate block just off the highway as you drive into town. It has a long driveway to the premises, no trees, no coverage, in such a small town. I can only imagine that it would be very difficult to remain face-in as a worker – and as a client, just as much so. Unlike the seclusion of Miss Mona’s - "A Lil' Ole Bitty Pissant Country Place" all the way outta town, down a long dusty road to The Chicken Ranch.
This movie is high 80s camp with a huge dose of 'country & western' fashion, and the costumes are stunning. When I first stripped at a club, a club I had waitressed at in my teens, I used a name from this film. The name got compliments, my dancing did not. I wore agent provocateur, pleasers and the kind of carnie confidence you muster when you’ve taken over a decade to accept the offer of taking the stage. Miss Mona’s no-no rules set me up well with some basic expectations of what management would be like in sex work. All the fringe, tassels and sequins you see in this film were definitely my aesthetic at that time in my life, a safety mechanism to pass as cis and straight in a town where anything else is punishable with violence.
I’d hazard an educated guess that Best Little Whorehouse was the inspiration for The Simpsons number “We put the spring in Springfield”, by looking at the timing, the classic dance down the staircase moment, and the style of the house.
The queerness represented in Best Little Whorehouse in Texas is so refreshing. If you need to see "a chorus line of singing and dancing footballers", then this is the movie for you. They lather each other up in the communal showers while holding a tune. In my experience it was always those sorts of people that would come into the dungeon requesting extremely specific sessions. I’ve made my fair share of them cry and then thank me for the privilege. I’d like to think they too showered and had a little tap dance before coming into the establishment.
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