Initially, I was intimidated by the search function on independent escort sites. The acute awareness that a client would come across my profile via a keyword made me feel uneasy. Because of this trepidation, I only did agency work/sugar-babying for a long time before I went independent. Nowadays, having signed up to several independent platforms, such as Tryst; I’d never look back.
It would be lying to say that we aren’t scrutinised for our bodies. The world of sex work has an inherent correlation with physicality, be that cup size, hair colour, or more uncomfortably age and ethnicity. This problematic yet entrenched truth defines the nature of the industry. Being able to detach my self-image from this culture is something I’ve gotten better at over time but for me. It was the hardest thing to shake.
Back in 2017, my first agency was a German outfit that specialised in BBW escorts. I had my first run-in with categorisation when the owner didn’t know where to place me. He said that I was too big for his regular escort site “Capri” and too small for his BBW one “Rubenesque”. We mutually decided I’d list on both of his sites and see what happened.
I enjoyed my dates under both rostra, but I didn’t stay long at these agencies because the boss was a bit of a jerk (no kidding!). Anyway, my takeaway from this was that things are more subjective than any keyword would dictate. I knew that the same body was going to turn up at the appointment no matter where they’d booked me from.
So, what was the difference?
Well, for the “Rubenesque” dates, I’d make sure my cleavage was on show and my clothes were tighter. I’d gun for a retro pin-up look. I’d posture in a way that emphasised my curves. Whereas, for the “Capri” dates I’d go in with a “butter-wouldn’t-melt”, girl-next-door persona. I’d dress more modestly, express myself more submissively etc.
I’m sure this element of performance is familiar to a lot of us sex workers. Say it’s Pornstar vs. GFE? My make-up is different, and the way I walk is different … I even listen to a different playlist to get me in the mood. And, I rely on building a persona of this sort because it’s a client-facing bufferzone between “me” the sex worker - and “me” when I’m off duty.
This is just the thin edge of the wedge on how the categorisation has affected the adult industry across the board. Jon Ronson in his podcast “The Butterfly Effect” calls the outcome of SEO on pornography an “Arms race of searchable keywords”. He references a so-called fallow period for female performers between the ages of 25 and 29. “If you’re not a teen and you’re not a milf - you’re unemployable, you’re in this Hinterland” he says.
I’ve never worked in the porn industry, however, I have experienced the knock-on effect of how porn is being consumed, by proxy, as a full-service worker. I only started sex work at 25 years old and have undertaken a fair bit of age-play within that time. Instead of a fallow period, I’ve noticed hyperbole. Whatever the fantasy-du-jour is, becomes amplified. Yes, I’m beholden to this Teen/Milf construct but more as a caricature. It isn’t always a good thing if it’s a stereotype that’s being thrust upon me. But, when it’s a label, I’ve claimed for myself, much like being a plus-sized escort, it can feel empowering. Truly a double-edged sword.
Ok, but what if we turn it on its head for a second? The occurrence of tagging to improve online searchability extends to many areas of our lives. It would be naïve to think we weren’t “a product” in and outside the world of sex work. But unlike with escort sites, on mainstream social media and dating apps, we users are not always so aware of the bargain we’re entering into.
Dating apps such as Tinder, categorise their users with an algorithm that rates their “attractiveness” based on swiping. Then, matches them to someone of a similar “attractiveness”. This sweepingly superficial approach has been dubbed “the micromanagement of data” and happens invisibly. Other apps like Hinge seek to anticipate your needs for efficiency’s sake: So, if you say you don’t want children, it’ll try not to match you with someone who does. Which makes logical sense but it’s not a decision you take an active part in.
Social media doesn’t sit well with simultaneous truths. Remember that meme that was floating about, where people compared their profile photos across LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram and Tinder?
It only goes to show that people are multifaceted – but they’re not allowed to be so on one app. My concern is that these profiles will blend one day… “Business Bumble” is just a premonition of that fear becoming a reality.
Personally, LinkedIn especially creeps me out, the idea that everyone should be able to access your employment history is extremely invasive. I’m sure a lot of sex workers have a checkered relationship with C.V.s - But gaps in my employment history are really none of anyone’s business. I can simultaneously be a sex worker and have a civvy job and I don’t expect my profile for those things to look remotely similar. LinkedIn would have other ideas.
Most of these apps don’t allow you to hold multiple profiles. So, it’s total: You are-what-you-are-what-you-are. We all know that the reality of human interaction is far more nuanced than this rolodex of data would dictate.
In contrast to this, it’s not uncommon for escorts to have multiple profiles offering different services. There’s more ease within the adult industry for you to be multiple things at once because it’s understood that you're sketching out a fantasy. I’d argue that persona projection is exactly how people approach their profiles on Instagram and TikTok too. In civvy life, when a person curates the perfect image of themselves drinking a cocktail on a beach; they are crafting this “perfection” without the awareness it’s construct.
The advantage of the candour in how tags/keywords are used on platforms such as “Tryst” is that you can set your terms and then play with the construct in a way that’s beneficial for you. It’s not just about how you look, it’s the services you offer, the language you use. Over time I’ve claimed many labels: BBW, teen, virgin, school-girl, school-teacher, mummy and hot wife. The reality of my actual “self” is irrelevant in the face of the service I’m offering on any given day and probably exists between all of these things.
The very thing I used to find intimidating about the tick-box menus, is what I’ve learnt to appreciate. When I claim a tag on my escorting profile; That’s me, taking agency over who finds me and how I want them to view me. And it’s not perfect, but it is transparent, which is a rarity in a world of purchased data and tailored feeds. The way I see it, I could’ve been a “Rubenesque Girl” – I could have been a “Capri Girl” but I chose both. There’s strength in that conviction. Over time it’s taught me that even when it comes to physical attributes a lot of how you hold yourself, is how you want to be perceived.
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