Findom (financial domination) is a form of BDSM that can go from ordering subs to send you money, to even controlling what they purchase or do with their money in their day to day life. This can be a huge responsibility since you can really impact the financial stability or life quality of the sub depending on how you manage it.
Findom is a practice that's gained a lot of attention lately. It's common to see posts or videos of people talking about it, but I've noticed that most of them depict it like “an easy way to gain money abusing men” – and this is a literal thing I've seen people say, which I think is a very inaccurate and even unethical way to engage with it. BDSM is not in any way a form of abuse, and if abuse does happen in this context, it stops being BDSM. For it to be truly BDSM, it needs to be consensual. Saying it's “abuse” without any more context is misleading, when maybe what you mean is that you're providing a service which includes humiliation, punishment, boundaries, aftercare, etc. It's at best an oversimplification, and at worst, a harmful misrepresentation.
Doing virtual findom can be very tricky. I've noticed that most finsubs deactivate their accounts a lot, especially after getting praise or being humiliated for sending money. Many of them are shy people or feel ashamed of their kinks, so they tend to disappear until they feel ready to interact in this dynamic again, which can make it difficult to have proper conversations with them, something that can be very important when doing findom remotely. Establishing boundaries and providing aftercare requires ongoing communication, and having a sub disappear into the virtual ether prevents this. This is one of the reasons why I don't do much findom anymore – it can be very stressful as a Dom/me temporarily losing all contact with a sub without any warning.
BDSM is not in any way a form of abuse, and if abuse does happen in this context, it stops being BDSM.
Something people mention about findom is that many finsubs need a lot of attention. They literally pay for it, so as a Dom/me you have to ask yourself if you're able and okay with delivering what they ask for – at least that's what I try to ask myself before giving that service. For me, many times the answer is no, despite the fact that I really enjoy it and that humiliating them or making them send me money gives me a lot of satisfaction. I'm just not always available or in the right headspace for it. This can sound kinda weird for people who are not familiar with this practice, because why wouldn't you want to get money by just telling someone to send it to you? But findom can become absorbing. It's not just ordering a sub to send the big bucks, it can also be playing with them, teasing, chatting, praising, punishing, giving them attention, and much more.
I've seen virtual fin-dommes arguing that you don't have to be a Dom/me to be a fin-dom/me and I think this idea exists in conflict with the very definition of what it is to be a fin-Dom/me. Which is y’know, being – a financial Dom/me. I know the idea of ordering subs to send you money can be alluring or seem like an easy way of earning an income, but sex work is never just easy money. Detaching the practice from its BDSM roots can be problematic, because this many times leads people to skip protocols or to dehumanise subs – which can be fun if it's done inside the context of a session with the necessary discussion about it, but can also be damaging for the sub if it's done outside the kinky play boundaries. For example, I wouldn't ask a sub to give me the money they use to feed themselves or to pay for their housing, because even if I enjoy seeing them humiliate themselves by tributing, I don't want them to suffer outside the dynamic. It also wouldn't be sustainable or profitable in the long term.
I know the idea of ordering subs to send you money can be alluring or seem like an easy way of earning an income, but sex work is never just easy money.
Being a sex worker who offers BDSM services like findom is a job, but it's not the same kind of job as being a cashier or a manager. It's more like being a therapist or a teacher – which sometimes we kinda are to our clients. I mean this in the sense that you usually form some kind of bond with subs. Of course you charge them, but they share their intimate desires, vulnerability, and safety with you, and in return you try your best to care for it. At least, that's how it is for me. BDSM sessions or practices like findom are not just exchanges of money, because BDSM requires trust and care just as much as it can require sadism or humiliation. To me, calling a sub pathetic and useless is just as fun and important as calling them puppy, baby, or whatever they prefer.
I cannot detach the Dom/me part to the financial part, because when I practice findom I'm in my Dom/me role and this means I'm just doing another kind of BDSM. The same happens when you detach the sex part from sex work, which is getting more and more common. For instance there are many ‘celebrities’ and politicians in my country who are now selling content, but they don't consider themselves a sex worker or a whore, because these terms are seen as insults or offenses. They are seen as something you can only call a poor person who “sells their body”, and this is caused by the simultaneous glamourization and stigmatization of sex work. They don't need the money or have any respect for sex workers, and don't hesitate to deny they're sex workers, which is damaging for people who sustain themselves with this work. It also worsens the stigma around this job, because it's caricatured as a scandalous, quirky hobby for rich people, which it is not.
Findom, selling content, and doing sessions are all forms of sex work, and for many of us this job is the most viable way of sustaining ourselves. I think it's important to remember that sex workers have been a marginalized group for a long time and that even if it's sometimes glamourized. Separating findom from sex work only serves to further marginalize sex workers who perform this service in a BDSM context, and separates it from boundaries and aftercare – the most important accoutrements to the practice. While the glamourisation only serves to suggest that there is a way to avoid sex work stigma, if only you do it correctly enough, respectably enough.
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