When I first began my Pro Domme journey, I naively assumed that sessions would be mostly a physical exchange between Doms and subs. So, I focused on learning rope bondage skills, whipping techniques, safety precautions for breath play, CBT, and other practical matters of kink. Despite all my training, I found that no amount of practical knowledge could prepare me for navigating the delicate nuances of the mental side of power exchange.
While restraint and corporal punishment are great tools for fostering a D/s dynamic, that dynamic can easily falter if it’s not supported by a mental power exchange. If someone ties you up, but their words, tone of voice, gestures, and presence lack a quality of Dominance, then a scene may fall flat. I realized that power exchange is a deeply psychological phenomenon that is aided by the physical realm, but not entirely dependent on it. So much of power exchange takes place in the subtleties of language, the nuances of silence and tone, and the psychodynamic exchange of energy – all of which can be conveyed and played with in the digital realm.
If someone ties you up, but their words, tone of voice, gestures, and presence lack a quality of Dominance, then a scene may fall flat.
A year after this realization, I found myself sharpening the mental edges of my Dominance behind a laptop screen. I started offering sessions in the form of one-on-one private, pay-per-minute, video calls. The constraints of time and space in this format allowed me to tap into aspects of my Dominant persona that I had yet to explore offline. Without the physical elements of a session, I had to rely on my creativity. I believe this has made me a better Pro Domme, and here are several reasons why:
Quality and quantity
Having sessions online means that you reach a wider audience of people who can access your services more easily. Online sessions bypass the time-consuming logistical matters of in-person sessions, like travel time, scheduling correspondence, post-session clean-up, studio rental arrangements, and more. In my experience, the number of sessions I can have online in a single day greatly outnumbers what would be possible for me in-person. For this reason, I have encountered a greater variety of people with different kinks, needs, desires, and session requests online than in-person. Having so many different kinds of sessions gives me the chance to explore the world of kink more thoroughly. This has helped me figure out what I do and do not enjoy and to see my strengths and weaknesses more clearly.
Skills
In an online session, I have to use words and commands to replace the actions I would otherwise do in person. Instead of spanking a sub with my own hands or toys, I might give instructions for how and when the sub may spank or hit various areas of their own flesh. This has strengthened my ability to give instructions and commands. Online sessions have also helped me explore skills that I was hesitant to develop in person, such as humiliation. Sitting behind a laptop screen made the exploration of humiliation and degradation feel safer for me. If you have the desire to get better at giving instructions and commands or if you have an area of your dominance that you feel too shy or hesitant to explore in person, then online sessions may be something to consider.
Dom Space
Dom Space is the state of mind that one enters while performing as a Dominant and it is triggered in different ways for different people. Prior to starting online sessions, I needed to complete BDSM rituals like collaring or restraining a sub to induce my Dom Space. It can take time, but with practice, one can slip into Dom Space more quickly. With the repetition of sessions in the online sphere, I found myself slipping into Dom Space with much more ease. My Dominance is now triggered by phrases or instructions and simply saying “take off your clothes” is now enough to shift my thoughts into a Dominant space. While haste is not always something to strive for, I have found that getting into Dom space more efficiently has made my work as Pro Domme easier.
Overall, the biggest lesson I have learned during my online Pro Domme journey so far is this: Constraint breeds creativity. The limitations imposed on a session by the online sphere have forced me to get more creative, think on my feet, and sharpen my tongue. D/s dynamics take brain power. Mental Dominance and creativity are some of the greatest strengths of a Pro Domme and online sessions are a great playground for improving these qualities.
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