We’re in the business of pleasure; it’s what we do. Our role as escorts is to create a comfortable, safe, and above all, intimate space for our clients. And whether clients recognise it or not, we’ve started that process long before we’ve met them! Everything, from our advertisements to the way we respond in our communications, is designed to make clients feel cocooned. And then when we meet our clients, we’re working emotionally, physically, and sexually, to anticipate their needs and fulfill them to our mutual desire. Even after the booking ends, we’re often sending thank you texts, or preparing for the next time we meet. Everything about the work of sex work is the work of pleasure!
We’re in the business of pleasure; it’s what we do.
So why, then, can it feel so hard for some of us to receive pleasure? Like many carers and givers around me, I personally find it much easier to give than to receive. It feels natural to be the facilitator and caregiver of the room. When someone offers to make me a cup of tea, I find myself instinctively rising and saying, ‘don’t worry, I’ll do it!’, returning twenty minutes later with hands full of coffee for everyone.
This approach isn’t sustainable, long term. As the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Besides, if our roles are to give pleasure, then we should enjoy some of it. And the right kinds of clients actively want us to feel safe, relaxed and happy in our work too.
If we want to feel pleasure in sex work, it should stem from taking pleasure in who we are as sex workers. As a community, we have to contend with a lot. There’s the stigma, which expresses itself all around us. One of the unique experiences of being a sex worker is that people often talk about what they think of us to us, without knowing that we are sex workers. Many of us have been exposed to people making jokes, passing around crude rumours, or outright expressing disgust for sex workers, while we have to keep quiet. This stigma can burrow deep within us, making us feel dirty, less than.
If we want to feel pleasure in sex work, it should stem from taking pleasure in who we are as sex workers.
And closely related, is the criminalisation. When we know that we are always one bad day from coming into contact with discriminatory and violent laws, that in itself can make us feel heavy with shame.
So, it’s so important for us to have pride and joy in ourselves! Being a sex worker can involve being a marketer, manager, business owner, accountant, negotiator, conflict resolver, therapist, bodyworker, web designer, artist, performer, creative director, copy-writer, editor, and so much more. As sex workers, we need to take a moment to recognise how hard our work is, how broad it is, and how well we do it.
When such brilliant individuals come together, we form a community that is overflowing with creativity, humour and resilience. Many of us have very differing experiences given the wide spectrum of types of sex work, and types of people doing sex work. Many of us work alone, some of us rarely coming into contact with other sex workers. In my experience of the sex worker community, we are all incredibly vibrant. And we are everywhere - from gathering in contemporary online spaces, to hiding as muses in works of classical art. When we are able to connect with each other, whether through historical research, DMing on Twitter, or gathering in real life, we’re able to draw from each other’s strength. It’s vital that we take pleasure in who we are, so that we can excise the shame that stigma and criminalisation try to put into us. We can be filled with lightness, and walk in the world with joy instead.
It’s vital that we take pleasure in who we are, so that we can excise the shame that stigma and criminalisation try to put into us.
When we take pleasure in our own footsteps, we can take pleasure around our work, too. Focusing on elements of work that we enjoy means we can do our work more sustainably. Often, it also means we have more control over our work. For example, I take great joy in my self care routine before and after seeing a client. The sensory experiences of showering under steaming water with my favourite mint soap, getting dressed to my work playlist, and lotioning myself with my rose scented oils all fill me with physical pleasure.
It’s this physical attunement that helps me switch into ‘companion mode’. I need a pleasurable process to enter this mindset and physical state, so that I can be at my most present with clients. When I’m at my most present, I can be aware of how I feel around a client to keep myself safe, negotiate boundaries, and ensure I only see clients again if it feels right. Other escorts I have spoken to have mentioned post-work self-care routines as being vital to their mental, physical, and career health. For some, it’s a mocha, with the coffee and cocoa blended exactly right. For others, it’s a walk in the park the same way home each time. Whatever we choose, pleasure around work helps us do our work!
When we take pleasure in our own footsteps, we can take pleasure around our work, too.
As sex workers, it can be important that we feel pleasure at work if we choose to. That can look like many things: enjoying straightforward communications; feeling safe with screening; relaxing in a beautifully decorated outcall; decorating an incall to make it homely; building a connection with a client; laughing and feeling at ease with a client; feeling in control of the physical element of a booking; feeling a client’s touch; delighting in a kinky dynamic; and so much more. Enjoyable moments in sex work can make for happy sex workers. It goes without saying that we deserve to be happy! We deserve to feel good at work, as anyone does. Pleasure is not just sexual, it comes from taking delight and even joy in aspects of what we do, the everyday tasks and little treats of life and work.
Are you a sex worker with a story, opinion, news, or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!
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