About every four weeks, just like clockwork, someone will take to the internet – whether on Twitter, Reddit or Instagram – and bestow upon us their very important and valuable opinion: “I’d never date a sex worker”.
I know what you’re thinking – this is plainly whorephobia, insinuating that sex workers are either all cheating sluts who can’t keep our legs closed; or damaged girls with daddy issues; or just plain dirty!
But hear me out for one minute – maybe they’re right? Dating sex workers can be a minefield, full of potential issues, and who are we to argue with the posts of @pus$syluvr696918, a highly respected source in our community?
Clearly more research is needed, and as a sex worker and part-time sociologist, I am clearly the right person for the job. After extensive fieldwork and qualitative data analysis (read: going on a LOT of dates and gossiping about them in the group chat), I can safely say I’ve finally got some answers. I’ve put together this much needed community resource, to help us all out.
Ten reasons NOT to date a sex worker:
1. Sex workers are excellent conversationalists. This means that if you’re dating a sex worker and you introduce them to your friends, chances are your friends will prefer your new partner, and ditch you pretty fast. Nightmare!
2. We know all the best and hottest new restaurants - this means you’ll never get to feel smug by introducing your partner to “this cool little spot which just opened up”. So unfair!
3. We’re already subjected to so much social stigma that we often don’t care what others think about us. So, trying to shame us into behaving in a certain way is unlikely to work. Very annoying!
4. We’re very charming and can usually sweet talk our way into an upgrade on planes and trains, or into the VIP section at a festival or your favourite bar. What happens if you’re not invited to come along with us? Are you just meant to hang out in the regular section by yourself? Not great!
5. We’ve got our finger on the pulse of culture – we’ll force you to engage with the latest art openings and cinematic releases, and really who has the time these days? Exhausting!
6. We’re truly exceptional at taking 🔥 selfies – and we’ll expect you to reciprocate. Suddenly you’ll need to consider lighting, composition and form when taking thirst traps – gone are the days of blurry nudes snapped in your dirty mirror. So much to think about!
7. We know what we like in bed, and we’re usually not shy about suggesting new things – this can be stressful when you’ve spent decades perfecting those three failsafe positions!
8. We’re chic, stylish and know how to dress – which means your jeans and a nice T-shirt might look a bit frumpy next to your partner’s avant-garde ensemble on a night out. Disastrous!
9. Having seen the best and worst of human nature in the course of our work, we’re likely to have high standards for relationships. Which means that flowers from the petrol station on your anniversary just isn’t going to cut it anymore. What a drag!
10. And finally – across the board, we’re some of the coolest, most bad-ass babes to grace this earth. It takes a very special kind of person to keep up with us, and not everyone makes the cut! And if you don’t, can you handle the crushing sense of failure?
After extensive research I’ve concluded that, to misquote the incredible Cleo Constantine, most people could never date a sex worker – because we’re simply too attractive, charismatic, independent, emotionally evolved, wise, and great at sex. It’s time to stop asking ‘would you date a sex worker’, and ask – ‘would a sex worker date you?’ Are you self-assured, stylish and smart enough? Have you dealt with your internalized stigma? Do you know how to respect boundaries, as well as drawing your own? Are you compassionate, open, great at communication… I could go on!
In all seriousness, the question of ‘would you date a sex worker’ is whorephobic and needs to stop. It’s rooted in misogynistic and outdated ideas of ownership, homophobia, and morality. Just like everyone else, sex workers are frequently in loving, committed relationships – as well as bad ones! If you’re a sex worker dating someone who judges you for your job, know that there are many, MANY other people out there who will love you unconditionally, who won’t make you feel ashamed for working, and who will accept you just as you are.
And if you haven’t found them yet, can I suggest the age-old solution? Just date your colleagues. 😈
Are you a sex worker with a story, opinion, news, or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!
We started the tryst.link sex worker blog to help amplify those who aren't handed the mic and bring attention to the issues ya'll care about the most. Got a tale to tell? 👇☂️✨
