It’s one of my biggest pet peeves, and it might be yours too – that client who lets slip once in a while that they think all we do is turn up, have sex, leave, and fall asleep on a pile of money. That friend who sees us working through mountains of admin, photo edits, client emails, and SEO, only to say, “wow, you actually have a real job!” That job interview where you have to say ‘entrepreneur’ rather than sex worker, because people don’t understand these roles are one and the same.
Providing intimacy is a real job. It takes time, effort, and skill that most people don’t have. That’s why so many people have a fantasy of buying a house through selling feet pictures, but almost none of them actually go on to do it! Those who work at vanilla jobs regularly have their skills appraised and recognised. It’s vital to self-worth, and job satisfaction. So, why shouldn’t we do the same? In that spirit, here are five skills sex workers have that we should celebrate.
Marketing
One of my favourite museums in London is The Wellcome Collection. Delving into its archives, you can see old phonebox cards that sex workers advertised with, before they were outlawed in the UK. Even on such simple cards, the array of sex worker niches on display is stunning. Some workers advertise dominant services, with harsh black and white fonts, while others opt for more textual information on a wider range of services.
Evidently, no matter what kind of sex work we do or what era we’re doing it in, we have to understand what our market is, how we fit in, and how to stand out in a saturated market. We are professionals at what others would call direct marketing – researching and reaching our clients directly, rather than through third parties.
Advertising
If marketing is what we do, advertising is how we do it, and sex workers are incredible advertisers. We can be responsible for everything from designing our brand to creatively directing photoshoots, editing photos, copy editing, web design, HTML coding, SEO, and social media management.
What I’m really proud of: as both methods of communication transform and criminalisation of sex worker advertising tightens, sex workers keep up with rapid pace! Take for example, the recent move from listing sites to Twitter, newsletters, Telegram channels, and so much more.
Administration
I think there’s a running joke amongst sex workers that most of our job involves admin. There’s the admin of being our own PAs: juggling calendars, appointments, content publishing schedules, client bookings, and tours effortlessly.
There can also be the ‘body admin’ that goes into being prepared for our dates. For me, this looks like maintaining my wardrobe, lingerie and toy inventory, pedicures, manicures, hair treatments, skincare, facials, and hitting the gym. These are things we often malign as frivolous or vain activities. In reality, they are time consuming and expensive elements to juggle around bookings – my clients would notice if I didn’t!
Negotiation
Before I started sex work, I once heard someone refer to sex workers as “expert negotiators”. I didn’t fully understand the significance of that back then. I certainly do now. The minute we meet someone, we have to intuit exactly what they need, and then deliver that to them on a platter, while still honouring our own needs.
For example, in just one week I can transform from being a nurturing version of myself with a very nervous client, to a calm, more authoritative version of myself with a more hyper client. These changes in my voice, body language, and conversation topic are subtle, but crucial from the minute we meet. They make my clients feel comfortable according to what they need in the moment, so that we can genuinely connect – which in turn keeps me safe and happy.
Part of this work is knowing how to assess people, manage a space, negotiate fees, communicate and assert boundaries, direct conversation, de-escalate situations, and manage change in client relationships over a long period of time. If sex workers weren’t expert negotiators, we wouldn’t be able to accomplish these tasks so central to our work.
Bodywork
I remember stretching out my shoulder in a steaming hot shower after a particularly busy tour, and thinking, “I never thought this job would be so… physical.” Well, of course it is! Men’s health magazines routinely publish articles about sex being a great form of cardio. Well, sex workers are actively involved in the sex we have, so we’re working out too. No matter what kind of sex work we do, we’re using our bodies to be engaged in and create pleasure.
As well as working with our own bodies, we’re working with other people’s. Some clients just want an escape; others want to share parts of themselves. Whatever type of client, they’re bringing themselves to bookings, which means they’re also bringing the joy, desire, anxiety, work stress, family troubles, and everything else they carry around in their bodies everyday. Whether our clients verbally share or not, we’re close to them physically, so we’re taking on some of what’s going on in their body.
Before I understood this, I would sometimes feel drained after bookings. Understanding that sex workers are a type of bodyworker, where we process our own and others’ mental and physical experiences, helped me reframe this feeling. Now, I practice self-care, and feel light after meeting clients instead. Appreciating ourselves as bodyworkers can help us understand just how intimately we work with other people, and in turn, encourage us to advocate for ourselves.
These are just five skills sex workers have that we should celebrate. I could also have also mentioned accountant, creative director, experience curator, and so much more. All these skills are ones we hone ourselves, sometimes with little support, and even in the face of stigma and criminalisation. As a community, we have an embarrassment of riches: ourselves. We are simply overflowing with talent and skill. It’s time we began to appreciate it!
Are you a sex worker with a story, opinion, news, or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!
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