Sex Workers: Remember to Tend to Your Own Sexual Instrument

We sex workers are often the kinds of people who give and give, especially when it comes to intimacy and sexuality (as our professional title so expertly illustrates!) With care and intention, we tend to the most tender needs in the most tender places and are very familiar with both the value and cost of doing so. By profession and service, we dedicate a large part of our practice to thinking about the sexual welfare of others - we devise many creative ways for improving our services or what will get the most views on a clip site, or make the most money, or book another job, etc. When we constantly tend to the sexual health and wellness of others, it can be easy to forget ourselves at the end of the day.

The service we provide so expertly for others - the very same aphrodisiac-fueled magic we so lusciously and deliciously pour out; the various tools we give our companions so that they may release, unlock, and explore their sexual wonderland - we deserve to indulge in all that same magic, self-care, and sexy fun just as much as we gift it.

Our work is notorious for both its high value and high demand, which is exactly why it’s so important to give it back to ourselves every so often, in however big or small ways we choose to nourish ourselves with sexual self-care.

At the end of the day, sexual self-care is the professional thing to do!

So how do you integrate caring for your sexual instrument as a sex worker and exactly what is a “sexual instrument”?

Your sexual instrument is one way of describing your entire sexual experience and consciousness - your whole sexual spirit, energy, or aura - your sexual interests, awareness, history, education, curiosities, fantasies, boundaries, limits, experiences that shaped you, patterns (or lack thereof), wet dreams, physical sensations, aversions, perversions, fetishes, developments, consistencies, any and all other elements connected to your sexuality that influence how you approach or express your sexual practice.

Just like a musical instrument, our sexual instrument also develops with practice, intention, play, and care.

Like practicing music, sexual practice moves in similar rhythms: for example, it may take some time learning the muscle memory before you’re able to play an entire song smoothly; You may master one genre of music on your instrument and suddenly switch to a different one altogether after developing the techniques and skills learned previously; You may have the desire to try something silly and weird just to get out of your head and laugh; Or you may choose to rehearse your scales and warm-ups for the sole purpose of spending time with someone you love while doing it. Like music itself, there are a million and one ways and reasons to practice, play, and/or perhaps change your course entirely.

(You may even choose to begin by asking yourself which musical instrument you would select as one that sounds like your sexuality - Does it cut, slam, shred, and blast open amphitheatres like an electric guitar? Or perhaps it slithers seductively thru the air with finesse and allure like a violin? Does it feel percussive, powerful, and earthy like taiko drums that roar? Or does it tap your ear delicately like a playful lark or an airy flute? Is it all of these things? Is it none of these things?)

Experienced sex workers often have a strong awareness of our sexual energy because it’s deeply embedded in the success of both our personal happiness and chosen profession (similarly to how professional athletes are fine tuned to the strength and/or injuries of their physical bodies). We may feel we don’t need reminders to check in with our sexual wellbeing during our downtime, because we already do it in a professional setting frequently. Sexual health, wellness, and pleasure are both literally and metaphorically our business. As a result, we tend to be experts and rockstars when it comes to our own sexual awareness and many of us have already answered the questions we often pose to clients for developing skills and awareness around their sexual practice.

But the next time you ask a potential client or partner questions like: “what types of sessions/scenes/experiences do you enjoy sexually and otherwise? What are your boundaries? What haven’t you done yet but would like to try? What really turns you on? What really turns you off?” ask yourself when (if at all) was the last time you answered any of these questions for yourself, observing how or if any of your answers have changed or evolved over time.

TLDR; Tending to the fruits and harvests of our sexual garden is a wellness practice for mind, body, spirit, and finances, highlighted in these TWO huge big money reasons why, even as experienced sex workers, we may want to indulge in some of the introductory questions and meditations we often reserve for total beginners:

1. Odds are you’ll have a lot of fun - The energy boost of researching new interests is great for mental health as well as workflow. Checking in on the updates to your sexual software is likely to help you explore something new, or maybe something familiar with a new perspective. Actively creating novelty and inspiration for new ways of working is likely to launch you into a huge burst of creative energy - leading to more happiness overall while you approach new ideas and interesting projects. (Also resulting in more tips from happy customers loving your new-found glow!)
2. Odds are you’ll get paid and/or find an eager and willing partner to help explore the scenes you’re interested in - As we become more and more attuned to the nuances and dynamics within our own unique sexual voice, we begin effortlessly releasing the tension of trying to carry things that don’t fit or serve us individually. When we drop the effort of trying to force something that may look badass on someone else but doesn’t feel quite right in our own bodies and voices, we are more free to let out the beautiful music that attracts what we really want without clutter or confusion so that we may begin finding the partners and experiences that make us feel absolutely magical. (You may even see a boost of income by opening yourself up to a new community and market).

Being an industry profesh, you may already have a ton of ideas for how to go about pursuing your next round of sexual self-care, but if you’re stuck on where to start, or just want to read some other approaches, consider starting with some of the following prompts/thoughts/questions/etc.:

1. Be brave enough to ask questions and go after whatever excites you powerfully - what are the fantasies that still to this day set your very soul on fire? If anyone has the right to shamelessly pursue their deviant perversions, it’s a sex worker.
2. Remember that rest and recovery are an active part of growth and development within a practice. Give yourself permission to take breaks, go slowly, and turn the camera off when you need to.
3. If you haven’t already, consider answering the prompts and questions listed earlier about developing and understanding your sexual instrument. How would you describe your overall sexual wellness? Is there one area in particular that interests you? If so, why?
4. In what ways do you think being a sex worker is or could be an asset to manifesting your sexual fantasies?
5. In what ways do you think being a sex worker is or could be a challenge to your manifesting sexual fantasies?
6. How if at all do you think you could integrate your work as a sex worker with your own sexual wellness practices? What if any boundaries would you want to set in place?
7. Feeling bold? Consider writing a post on social media or a newsletter on your website directly communicating to your audience of choice exactly what it is you’re looking for.
8. Meditate on the ways you love giving back to people.
9. Meditate on the things that make you feel loved/spoiled/worshipped/adored.
10. If you’re really stuck, perhaps invite a partner in on this journey with you. Ask them to begin with an idea of their choice or choose one together at random. Once you have a more narrow realm in which to explore, research and discover what YOU find sexy/interesting/fun/pathetic/etc about this fetish/theme/scene/etc.
11. Hire a sex worker yourself!

You have seen proof (perhaps over and over again) in the forms of stacks of cash in hand, in invitations to epic adventures, in the service of devoted submissives, and perhaps even in the most surprising of places - that your time, experience, gifts, and practice are some of the most valuable services in the world. If anyone deserves to indulge in services that valuable, it’s you.

Are you a sex worker with a story, opinion, news or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!

We started the tryst.link sex worker blog to help amplify those who aren't handed the mic and bring attention to the issues ya'll care about the most. Got a tale to tell? 👇☂️✨