Although the media likes to paint us that way, sex workers are far from a monolith. We come from all walks of life with a wealth of different experiences. Our sex worker interview series, A Tryst with is a great way to get to know not only the intricacies of the industry but also the vibrant and thriving sex working community. Today we chat with New York escort Lexi Lace about sex and shame, creating boundaries and the relatability of whores.
Tell us your story, how did you get into the industry and what has your journey looked like thus far?
A few years ago I worked in corporate advertising, at an agency in digital marketing. In order to get that job I needed to work two unpaid advertising internships (simultaneously) just to get my foot in the door of an industry that I wanted to work in so badly. A friend of mine saw how tired I was, but she also recognized how engaging I was to be around. I have a certain charm that cannot be extinguished. This was 7 years ago; I’ve been in and out of the industry during school, heavier work periods in my vanilla life, and just plain old needing to take a break!
To avoid any confusion, this isn’t a total “I was sad and poor so I turned to sex work!” story. While I was looking for alternative income I also wanted to use my strengths to impact others: curiosity, honesty, and charisma, to name a few.
I’ve been a sexual person for a long time; I don’t shy away from experimentation and I love to help make others happy.
Working in this industry has been so beneficial to me that I actually ended up quitting my job in corporate advertising to pursue this and writing/content creation full time! Some of what I talk about in my writing is shifting how we see shame and critiquing modern society, which I think are both excellent motivators for my work in this industry too. Sex doesn’t have to be shameful (at least not with me)!
How has the industry changed since you started?
I think that having multiple social media outlets to grow a following has drastically changed the game for people in this industry. Before the Tik Tok, Instagram, Twitter trifecta existed everyone had to have beautiful, dynamic photos and easy to read ads in order to initially intrigue people. Now, a solid social media following can not only help demystify you but also bring positive attention to this industry too, by way of people easily seeing what you’re like!
My Tik Tok account showcases my humor, interests, and life experiences in a way that emphasizes how multi-faceted I am. I was once a 5:17 mile runner; I am completely (happily) sober, I write for major publications about all kinds of topics; I have a killer fashion sense; and I have a loving group of friends. I’d highly recommend checking it out if you’re interested in seeing me!
The work that I do revolves around humanizing people in this industry, and getting other people to see us as our full selves, not just providers here. In my opinion, social media can help do that for those who are interested.
What are some of your interests and hobbies outside of work?
I’ve been a runner since I was 12 years old and continue running in the present day! My track career started in the 6th grade; I was always the girl who finished the mile run faster than most of the boys (there were two 8th grade kids that I could never run faster than). When I later continued my education at an all-girls boarding school I was able to continue running and become faster, which led to me being undefeated for 2 years straight, racing as a college athlete, and running in the New York marathon twice.
Also, I’m learning to knit and I love to SoulCycle! Doing things with my hands helps me focus more, and I think that there’s a certain kind of appreciation that I find in creating art with my hands. I go to spin class 2-3x per week (always documented on my Instagram!). Additionally I enjoy volunteering for running organizations and a domestic violence non-profit (which I’ve been involved with for the last 6 years).
Lastly, I’m trying to get more into traveling, any takers? :)
Is there a book, tv show or movie that has had a major impact on your life? What was it and what did it teach you?
Writers love to read. As a writer myself, I think that I read four times as much as I write! A book that I often find myself coming back to is called The Four Agreements, which is written by Don Miguel Ruiz. In this short read he explains that there are a couple of self-limiting beliefs that keep people stagnant, and making these four rules with yourself can allow you to reach a much higher level of happiness. My favorite agreement is “be impeccable with your word”, because I think that poor communication is at the root of many interpersonal problems. From one honest provider and content creator to you: it’s really scary to start being that honest, but once you start it’s amazing how much clarity there is in the world for you!
Why do you think it is important for sex work to be decriminalised and how do you think it would change the way you work?
Sex work should be decriminalized because there is nothing shameful about this industry; the shame comes from people dehumanizing providers and upholding sex stigmas in themselves. Using your body for work is nothing new or bad. Food delivery drivers, professional athletes, and construction workers do this all the time to make a living like everyone else. The criminalization of sex workers is really just endorsement of purity culture and shame.
Additionally, many of the sex workers who are criminalized for working are among the most discriminated against and the least privileged.
What's one change you would like to see happen within the sex industry?
To add to my point above, it’s really important to me that sex workers from all backgrounds can work towards a more equitable industry. The people whose rates are much lower have a very different working experience from the people whose rates are on the highest end of what’s available. I volunteer for a grassroots mutual aid organization that specifically helps sex workers in NYC; my role is putting together wellness kits for providers in need on Fridays. We’ll add in all kinds of things that people might need such as condoms, tampons, gum, testing strips, floss, and more. Taking care of each other is incredibly valuable, and I don’t see that happening enough right now.
Also, this might just be me but I wish that clients read our profiles more carefully before reaching out! We put in a lot of effort to develop fair policies, ensure that our profiles are easy to read, and stay easy to contact. If you truly value our time and understand that it’s difficult to re-explain things that are available to read then please do a thorough read through and only ask questions that we may have missed.
What do you think the public should know about the sex industry and sex workers?
People outside of the industry will often ask me “Are you actually attracted to your clients?”
My answer is yes, but I’m always shocked that they think these people are some sort of subsection of the population that they have no access to! But just as the people I see are normal humans walking around: so are the sex workers who are providing.
My Tik Tok and Instagram platforms in particular are aimed at clearing up this myth that both sex workers and clients are weirdos and anomalies. Hence me coining “The Internet’s Most Relatable Whore”! I go out with my friends, I have goals, I enjoy a wide variety of hobbies, etc. I’m the most relatable whore because I’m literally just like you, and I’m showing you that.
What’s one myth about sex work you’d like to bust?
That a lot of us are constantly on call! I think this goes back to me referencing the full lives that a lot of us live. Personally, I don’t sit around in full hair and makeup waiting to be contacted “just in case”. While I do make myself as available as possible, it’s also reasonable to understand that there should be some degree of consideration for our time.
What do you think the public could learn from Sex Workers?
I love that there’s been this recent push on social media and online to create firmer boundaries, but I do think that it’s also given some people this idea that they can switch up expectations without telling people, then get upset when there’s a problem. It’s unfair to uphold people to standards that aren’t clearly set, which is why my profile has everything on there; I often joke that people should try to find a question that isn’t already answered there! But I try to give people the benefit of the doubt when they don’t understand something, and just make sure that I’m communicating clearly, which I think the public could learn from sex workers (clients or not).
What is your go to piece of advice for workers just starting out?
Remember that not everyone is going to like you and that’s okay. You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world but there will always be someone who just doesn’t like peaches!
If you were going to buy me a drink you should buy me a drink: mocktail, I’m completely sober :)
My ideal date would be: Movie then dinner! Because then there’s something to talk about at dinner. Dinner before the movie is such an awkward set up!
My favorite restaurant is: Chinese Tuxedo or L’Artusi (in NYC)
My signature scent is: Gucci’s Guilty perfume
Want to meet New York escort Lexi Lace in the flesh? Head over to her Tryst profile! 👇👇👇
