I’ve spent many sexy sessions roleplaying. In fact, it was one of my specialities. I've pretended I was a bratty grad student, played doctor and nurse, been a naughty nun–all the classics. I’ve even roleplayed as a sexy psychiatrist with dubious ethics, a raunchy ballerina in a dance class, and an alien abducting a hapless victim (that was the most fun). Roleplaying can be a really fulfilling way to embrace and enact your fantasies as well as the fantasies of your lover/s. If you’re a professional looking to fulfil a client’s roleplaying request, or a civvie who wants to expand your sexual repertoire, slipping into a new skin can be a super refreshing way to spark your desires.
What is Roleplay in a sexual context?
Roleplay is basically playing pretend for adults, but make it sexy. It’s another kind of foreplay involving specific characters in erotic situations. You and your lover/s fulfill often archetypal roles (doctor and nurse, lecturer and university student, priest and penitent, etc) and use these roles to shake off inhibitions and enhance your sexual play.
Often these classical roles have a specific power imbalance, which is why roleplay is often part of BDSM scenes. But you don’t just need to stick to well-known roles–when you roleplay, you can choose to be anyone you want. That’s the beauty of it! Maybe your lover is in the breakdown lane and you’re the sexy mechanic who pulls over to help, and not just with their engine. Perhaps there’s a service dynamic. Maybe they’re a clown and you’re the balloon animal… You’re only limited by your own imagination.
The benefits of roleplaying
People like to roleplay for the same reason that they enjoy any foreplay. It’s an enhancement to sex, something to make it interesting and spicy and fun. It can rejuvenate a stale sex life and bring a new closeness into a relationship.
Roleplay can be used as a way to circumvent sexual inhibitions: by inhabiting a new identity, one can more easily express their sexual desires, and maybe explore things they’ve always wanted to try!
Roleplaying can also enhance your communication skills. When you’re negotiating a roleplay scene with your partner, you need to be able to express what exactly it is that you want from the scenario, and being able to verbalise your wants and needs can help you in all areas of your relationship. Roleplay can also help people to recognise and speak to their boundaries.
How to start roleplaying
Brainstorm
Start simple. The best way to begin roleplaying is to think of a dynamic you want to try. What have you fantasied about? Does a power imbalance sound hot to you? Have you always had a service fetish? Talk about it with your partner/s, and come up with a list of roles that sound sexy and fun for everyone. Make sure that you’re both (or all) on the same page; it’s important that everyone is comfortable and excited to fulfil the roles.
Boundaries
Next, you want to talk about consent and set boundaries. What is okay, and what isn’t? Don’t be afraid to speak up–it’s important that no lines are crossed and that everyone has a fun, sexy time. Set up a safe word that either of you can use, and ALWAYS respect it. I like the traffic light system: green is go, orange means ease up or check in, and red means STOP.
Aftercare!
Once you’re done, check in to see how your partner/s are feeling. Take a nice shower together or just have a cuddle. Roleplaying can light your fire, but it might also stir up some feelings, and it’s important to acknowledge that. It’s also a great idea to talk about how your roleplay session went. What were the best bits? What needs work? Be open to receiving constructive feedback, and always talk about what you liked.
What are some examples of roles to play?
The Classics
Priest and sexy penitent, athlete and coach, boss and employee… They are classics for a reason, and the roles are easy to fall into. Roles like doctor and patient or college professor and grad student often have sense memories attached. If you’ve ever had a hot doctor or fantasised about your lecturer, it can be easy to recall that feeling and bring it to your roleplay.
Hi, my name is…
Many roleplay scenarios are based on a dynamic of meeting for the first time. It can be super hot for partners who have been together a long time to pretend to be two strangers thrust into a sexy situation. Tradesperson and homemaker, flight attendant and passenger, pizza delivery person and hungry stoner…
Get Fantasical
There’s no limit to the roles you and your partner/s can choose to inhabit. Are you into fantasy novels? Embody your favourite characters: kings, queens, succubus, satyrs! Ever thought about being a piece of furniture? Get down on your hands and knees, footstool! My favourite ever scenario was playing an alien who had abducted a hapless human. I got to be curious, experimental, and then there was the probing… Roleplay is all about fun and exploration. Get weird with it!
Scene setting
Once you’ve figured out what you want to play as, it’s time to set the scene. Costumes are a fun way to get into character, and there are plenty of sexy nurse and flirty fireman outfits at your local sex store. If you’re on a budget, check out your local thrift shop: they can have second hand stuff that fulfills your needs. My local one even has a uniform section! Same for props. You can get canes or paddles for naughty types at your local sexy retailer, as well as ropes, handcuffs, toys, or whatever you might need to add some authenticity to your scene.
How to overcome anxiety
If you’re struggling to find the confidence to get into the roleplay, just remember that you’re doing this to have a good time, enhance your relationship, or spice up your sex life. There’s no pressure on you to be perfect. Take a few deep breaths, shake it out, and let yourself go. There’s no need to be shy; you and your partner/s are in this together!
Roleplaying is a fun, sexy way to bring something new into your sexual repertoire. Whether you’re looking to add a new dimension to your relationship, spice up your foreplay, or fulfil a client request, there are so many ways to bring roleplaying into your sex life. Pick a scenario, dress for the occasion, shake off your inhibitions, and let go!
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