Why Intention, Not Entitlement, is the Real Erotic Discipline
It’s always the loud ones.
The man who announced himself as a “lifelong foot fetishist” gave me, without exaggeration, one of the worst foot worship sessions of my life. Half-hearted strokes, no sense of anatomy, distracted hands. If you love feet, then act like it. Take some pride in your craft.
Meanwhile, across the room, another domme was being lectured by a so-called submissive on “female entitlement.” Picture it: a man on his knees, earnestly explaining why women ought to be less serious about feminism. She was incandescent. He was oblivious.
These moments are comic, but they’re also telling. They show how entitlement, the oldest habit of patriarchy, can creep into a space that’s meant to be about surrender. Submission, without intention or humility, is just bad manners in fetish clothing.
Service Is a Discipline, Not a Costume
I have a simple philosophy: don’t demand what you haven’t learned to give. If I wield a tool, it’s because I’ve felt it myself. If I ask for devotion, I know what devotion costs.
Do you understand what I mean? It means that if I whip you, it’s because I have been whipped before. Not because I like it, at least not necessarily, but because I need to know where the edge is, what it feels like. Know this: I will never wield a tool that I have not felt for longer and harder than you. If I don’t find your edge, I’ll stop first, because I’m not comfortable as the lead player in a D/s dynamic with taking you beyond where I have been.I know that puts me in a minority, but ask yourself, who would you rather have beating you?
That’s why lazy submission is such an insult. Real service is a discipline. It requires study, patience, and yes, skill. If you kneel at someone’s feet, you’re not playing a role, you’re practicing an art.
There’s nothing sexier than a man who has actually thought about what he’s doing. A man who is practiced, researched, and refined. The lazy ones? Forgettable. The intentional ones? They stay in my mind long after the session ends.
Feminism in the Dungeon
This is where my feminism and my work intertwine. The dungeon is not some magical bubble outside of society. The same dynamics of entitlement, patriarchy, and privilege walk through the door with you.
The submissives who arrive expecting a free emotional massage are just the latest echo of a very old system: one that has always relied on women’s unpaid labour. Silvia Federici puts it bluntly in Caliban and the Witch: capitalism was built on women’s bodies and reproductive work. The entitlement is centuries old.
So yes, when I roll my eyes at sloppy foot worship, it isn’t only about technique. It’s about respect. It’s about whether a man recognises that surrender is not a favour to me—it’s a discipline for him.
Why Clients Should Care
Now, you might be thinking: isn’t this all a bit heavy for what’s meant to be fun?But here’s the twist—intention makes it hotter.
A man who has studied the arch of a foot, who can read the shift of my breath, who approaches service with respect rather than entitlement? He doesn’t just please me. He arouses me. He becomes magnetic, desirable, unforgettable. Entitlement is dull. Laziness is flaccid. Intention is irresistible.
Please tell that to the ones who aspire to go down on me. If you are one of them, you had better be good. Don’t be one of those boys who litter my DMs with silly boasts. Instead, be a man. Send first. Serve first. If you start well, I will come and find you. If the first words out of your mouth are what you want from me, or what you want me to do to you, the game is over before it has started.
Why? Because you don’t get it. I’m not here for that.
The Point
Being at my feet, in my presence, is not about acting out a script. It’s about becoming something sharper, more attentive, more alive.
Even if your deepest desire is to be my sub, don’t start with that. How could you possibly know? We haven’t even met. Better to begin with what you can do for me, how you can make my life better. And no, you sleeping in chains under my house is not that. It is a reward because you did something else that was of value.
Would you announce yourself as my personal chef if cooking was your kink? Would you dare do that if you didn’t know how to cook? Of course not. You’d be found out fast when you burnt my toast. What makes you think I won’t suss you out if your only qualification is your desire to be my sub?
You will probably like this, but I get more from owning a dog than from a human sub because a dog is a genuine selfless companion. Their needs are simple, and the rewards immense. Plus they’re fluffy and cuddly.
While you might love the idea of being leashed and collared 24/7 and eating from a dog bowl and sleeping on my floor, tell me, what are you doing to pay for the dog food? Your adoration isn’t enough. If it was, I’d have every stray sub in my city serving me. While I do have a definite love for puppy play, you better be good, sincere, well-trained, and generous. You want 24/7? Then get in the game.
I don’t want “lifelong fetishists” who’ve never bothered to learn the craft of their own desire. I want men who are willing to study, refine, and grow. Because the ones who take service seriously? They’re the ones who make me laugh, make me think, make me wet.
And that, darling, is the point.
For more articles on BDSM, see The Connection Between BDSM And Autism and How Clowning Made Me a Better Pro-Domme.
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