Whether it’s sex work or pretty much anything else, running a small business can be super stressful. It’s something I quickly discovered when I started work as an escort.
Bookings come and go. Cancellations and unexpected life events wreak havoc with our calendars. We work hard, then need time off to rejuvenate. Politics, seasonal changes, even the state of the economy can impact our bottom line, and running out of funds is a realistic fear for many of us during slow times when the phone doesn’t ring.
One way to even out these bumps and achieve something resembling a predictable income is to have enough regular customers, those clients sometimes affectionately known as ‘regs’.
The term ‘regular’ means different things to different workers…but, basically, a reg is anyone with whom you have multiple sessions over a certain time period. Some workers might catch up with particular clients on a weekly or monthly schedule. Or, things might be more casual - a reg might be someone you’ve known for a long time, even though you don’t make regular plans.
There’s a saying in sales and marketing: ‘It costs less to keep an existing customer than to acquire a new one’. I think this holds true for sex work - both for the financial costs (advertising, photos, grooming) and the emotional ones (screening clients, making friends with them, and figuring out what they need). In my experience, those efforts can be minimised by building up a collection of enthusiastic clients that we know, like and trust.
In some ways, I’m not the best escort to give advice on regulars. I’m an introvert, someone who prefers a small circle of friends to a huge social group. Over the years, I’ve definitely struggled with finding and keeping regs, simply because I’m not very good at keeping in touch. I often get caught up in projects or travel plans, and months later think, ‘I wonder where Greg got to?’
Here are a few strategies I’ve used to ensure my favourite clients stay front of mind - and in my calendar. As always, these ideas aren’t ‘one size fits all’ - please feel free to disregard anything that doesn’t work for you.
Figure out what kind of people you click with…and market yourself accordingly
We’re not all designed to get along. Although one of the skills of a good sex worker is being able to make friends with almost anyone, you’ll have a better chance of repeat business if you really click with new customers. Attracting these people means figuring out your ‘niche’: who you appeal to, and who you enjoy spending time with. Once you know this, you can tweak your advertising and social media to more effectively attract those specific people.
It can take years to find your niche, but there are some questions that might prove useful. What activities do you enjoy? What kind of people do you feel most comfortable around? What’s your style in the bedroom, and what kind of folks enjoy that most?
Once you have a handle on the desired demographic, it can take further experimentation to figure out what ‘look’, which advertising sites, and what kinds of social media posts are most likely to catch the eye of your perfect match. But it’s time well spent…you’ll gradually become attuned to what kind of marketing works best for you.
Don’t try to hang onto everyone
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received is, ‘You need to make room for the good clients by getting rid of the bad ones’. A difficult customer will drain you of energy and enthusiasm, leaving you with less ability to go out and find better people (or burnt out completely). But it can feel risky to let go of these people - what if we don’t find anyone else?
This is ‘scarcity mentality’, the feeling that we must cling to every opportunity and resource we have for fear of never getting a better option. It’s not a great way to find - or keep - good regs: without the benefit of discernment, your books will be full of people whose calls fill you with dread. On the other hand, ‘abundance mentality’ leaves room for a better future. By saying ‘no’ to the people that sap your energy, you free up mental space to build professional relationships with the clients that treat you well.
At this point, I need to acknowledge that this choice is often a matter of privilege. Not everyone can simply move on from an existing customer! If you’re in a precarious financial situation or have other pressures that make losing even a single reg risky, this advice may not be right for you. But if you have a bit of room to move and aren’t sweating about this month’s rent, cultivating an abundance mentality can make your work feel much more enjoyable - and result in better clients over the long term.
Set good boundaries, right from the start
A good regular client will respect your boundaries - and you shouldn’t have to promise them the world to keep them around.
Having a long-term professional relationship isn’t a walk in the park. Over time, you may notice that they’re becoming a bit more attached than feels comfortable to you. They might begin to expect special treatment or leniency when it comes to lateness and cancellations. This kind of boundary-pushing is common. Although it can be malicious, it’s often due to the fact that many clients simply don’t know how to maintain a long-term sexual attachment that isn’t a romantic relationship.
We can’t control the actions of others, but we can avoid painting ourselves into a corner. Start out in the manner in which you intend to continue, by setting clear boundaries on how you need to be treated. Deliver a service that doesn’t leave you exhausted; one that’s repeatable.
You don’t need to open up to new clients any more than you want to, nor do you have to flatter them. Connection and a simple, enjoyable date together should suffice. And enforcing your rules around punctuality, cancellation, and non-booking-related communication from the start minimises the risk of sloppy boundaries in future.
Find something you have in common and make plans around it
A shared interest, an inside joke, a joint project…having something in common means you can build on your professional relationship over multiple sessions.
Many of my regulars are sexually adventurous, and we enjoy ticking things off our sexual bucket lists together. But it could be as simple as an appreciation for fine dining, or a shared love of talking politics.
‘Wouldn't it be fun to try….?’ ‘We should go to that restaurant we talked about next time.’ ‘What do you fantasise about doing in the bedroom?’ A good professional relationship is a story, and making plans for the next adventure is a great way to keep the narrative going. It’s not about dangling a carrot - no need to do a hard sell! It’s more a discussion of what might be fun or enjoyable in the future, and then allowing your customer to think it over between meetings. If your ideas grow on them, you can be assured of a call back.
Have a plan around staying in touch
Sex work can be a very busy job - the admin alone can consume much of your time. So how can we maintain contact with our regs, without being overwhelmed by communication that doesn’t directly relate to a booking request?
Here are a few suggestions. If you’re a touring escort, you could keep a database of which clients live in which cities, and give them first chance at a booking when you plan your next trip. You might like to send a sexy ‘preview’ photo to each of your regs whenever you have a photo shoot. Some workers send a newsletter, but I prefer to contact each one individually. Mass email is for run-of-the-mill clients…regs often appreciate something more personal.
When you do reach out, consider including a sentence or two that makes it clear you’re not inviting an involved conversation. Back-and-forth messages can get out of hand. ‘I wanted to send you this quick message so that you know I’m thinking of you, even though I don’t have a lot of time to chat right now. Can’t wait to hear what you think of my new pics when we meet up next!’
Know when to let go
A ‘reg’ isn’t forever. Sometimes a customer might move away. Sometimes they get married or find someone they want to be monogamous with (I love it when that happens!) Or they may simply drift away over time, as they move on to other interests. I’ve even known workers whose clients passed away, due to both known and unforeseen circumstances.
Less enjoyably, a reg can become clingy or emotionally difficult, and you’ll need to end the arrangement. Sometimes it’s more about you than them - perhaps your dynamic simply doesn’t feel right anymore? Either way, you’re allowed to say ‘no’.
In many ways, ending an arrangement with a regular client can feel a lot like breaking up with someone. Feelings get hurt, and there may be a lot of guilt on the part of the person that chooses to move on. But, just like a regular relationship (or friendship, for that matter), things do come to an end. It’s a normal part of life and learning to navigate this respectfully can be an important experience for both ourselves and our clients.
Our ‘regs’ are our ‘bread and butter’…and the key to a stable income is figuring out what works for you.
As I write this, I’m very conscious of the fact that we all choose to do sex work in our own way. No piece of advice from one worker is guaranteed to be right for another. But I’m very grateful for the guidance I’ve received from the escorts and brothel workers I’ve shared space with over the years…and I’m only too happy to pass it on, knowing that you can pick and choose what’s right for you.
Be clear on your boundaries. Conserve your emotional energy, so you can lavish it on those who really deserve it. Where possible, say ‘no’ to the bad so you can make room for the good. And enjoy the stability and peace of mind that comes from having a stable of ‘regs’ whose company you enjoy, and who support your happiness and financial health.
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The Satisfaction Project is Georgie Wolf's comprehensive guide to sex workers, for clients just like you. Get the know-how for life-changing encounters with escorts and other independent, hands-on providers.
