I loved both seasons of The White Lotus. Fab fashion, beautiful sets, dreamy locations - for a girl like me, who loves luxury hotels and aspires to be a grown-up Eloise at the Plaza, it has everything I could want in a show. Throw in HBO’s characteristically high production value and some not-too-subtle, but also not-too-pedantic social commentary and I’m so in.
Unfortunately for me, and surely many other people who’ve chosen companionship as a professional pursuit, this season of The White Lotus brought up a great deal of frustration. With every scene Mia and Lucia fumbled their way through, I was reminded of what my parents had drilled into me when I was growing up. I was a first generation immigrant and a token middle class scholarship kid, attending high-achieving academic institutions that charged tuition equal to an average single-family home in my hometown. My parents, not wanting me to be blinded by the flashy lifestyles of my peers, reminded me that I was in charge of framing my own narrative. If I didn’t define myself, someone else would.
The media insists on viewing sex workers as degenerates. Even stories like Hustlers and The White Lotus season 2, where sex workers are endowed with wit and the ability to come out on top, fail to present sex workers as what we are. Professionals. Instead, sex workers are painted as scammers, thieves, and liars.
If you went by media portrayals you’d think sex workers came in two varieties. We’re either good-hearted, hapless damsels in distress, a la Pretty Woman’s Vivian, or we’re crafty con-artists a la the ‘girl boss’ style sex workers of Hustlers and The White Lotus. None of these sex workers seem to choose sex work out of passion or genuine interest in the human condition, only out of opportunism. There’s no curiosity driving these workers, only the desire to ‘secure the bag.’
It’s high time that sex work is regarded as a respectable career, just like therapy, personal training, or any other service job centered around quality of life improvement. In order for sex work to finally be respected as a valuable career choice, the association between sex work and scammers, particular in the media, must be broken.
There are unscrupulous people in any and every profession, including the most highly regarded ones. You can find doctors who care more about billing expensive procedures than they do about healing patients. You can find lawyers who will wring every red cent out of their clients by encouraging them to fight long, expensive legal battles that they have no chance of winning. In those cases, people are able to separate the poor behavior of the few from the validity of the whole trade. The same understanding of individual character isn’t extended to sex workers, in or out of the media.
People don’t like to accept soft work as work - providing touch, affectionate caresses, whispered pillow talk, a friendly face and a listening ear. People don’t like to think about the costs behind performing idealized femininity - the unbilled hours working out, the self-care to be emotionally fit in order to support others emotionally, the investment in clothing, skincare, nails, and hair.
The fantasy dream girl is naturally flawless and requires no upkeep, but the reality is that dream girls are humans too. We must be compensated for our work, and requiring compensation upfront is not the same as scamming clients after the fact. If that can be understood, I think we will be well on our way to legitimizing companionship as a respectable trade.
People don’t like to think about the costs behind performing idealized femininity - the unbilled hours working out, the self-care to be emotionally fit in order to support others emotionally, the investment in clothing, skincare, nails, and hair.
Until then, we have to take our portrayal into our own hands. The media won’t define us as many of us are - hard working business women who want to provide high quality experiences, earn our rates, and leave our clients better off than we found them. We have to do that ourselves.
Unlike Mia from The White Lotus, or the ladies of Hustlers, there are many companions who would never drug a client. There are many companions who would never steal from or scam their clients, even if given the opportunity to do so. There are many companions who simply want to do our work and be compensated for it as we clearly define before the interaction. We don’t want to separate clients from their money unwillingly and we certainly don’t want to ruin any lives.
Perhaps it is time for companions to begin creating our own mission statements. I’ll start - I strive to provide bespoke humanizing experiences that help keep my clients’ inner sparks burning brightly. I will always be as honest as safety allows and I will never endanger a client physically or reputationally.
What mission statement guides your work as a companion?
Are you a sex worker with a story, opinion, news or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!
We started the tryst.link sex worker blog to help amplify those who aren't handed the mic and bring attention to the issues ya'll care about the most. Got a tale to tell? 👇☂️✨
