Every workplace has a code of conduct, and every brothel has its very own set of rules and regulations. Just because we sometimes have to sit around and wait, doesn’t we don’t all play our roles in the workplace – and workplace etiquette. Much like a clock, every piece has its part to play to make sure all the wheels, all the pins, turn.
Being an all-round fantasy girl can be tiresome work. You might find us fabulous ladies perched in the makeup room carving our cheekbones, spraying enough perfume you can smell us before you walk in the door, and galloping around in ankle breaking heels. You might find us giggling with the house mums, gushing about our pets, gossiping about the latest bargain at the mall, or bitching about how dead it is, again. And then of course, you’ll find us with clients – doing intros or doing them.
We all have our roles in brothel etiquette: the worker, the house mums, and the clients. As long as we all play nicely together, share and care, spare a shoulder to nap on, a night at work can go without incident. We are all performing our duties to uphold professional standards and etiquette – just like any other workplace.
THE WORKER
We come to work to do our job, make our money, and go home. When we come into work we transform from our normie selves into our worker-selves. We transform ourselves into everyone's dream girl. In every area of a brothel you will find one of us, hopefully playing by the rules. In the breakroom you can find us chatting away, watching a movie, reading a book, or having a nap. We have some of the same rules as the outside world, but they become skewed when we’re surrounded by our half naked colleagues. Once we have read the room, we can search for our best suited buddies to gossip, read, or tuck away into a corner for a snooze.
This is very tame, normal, and relatively chaste girl-on-girl action, but when we find ourselves in a double booking, our etiquette changes. Before I go into a double booking I always like to have a chat with my fellow worker - ask them what they’re comfortable with and what they’re not. To tell them my boundaries, and make sure we’re on the same page. I have always found double bookings fun, because the energy becomes more adventurous and we can develop a bond that is more than physical. An exchange of a smile or a particular look from a fellow sex worker can change the whole dynamic of the booking. This intimate, non-verbal communication we share also allows us to keep the client guessing, teetering in their arousal in the naked, charged, darkness. In order to get the most out of the booking – emotionally, physically, monetarily – we share our power and become triumphant together. It’s exhilarating.
We have some of the same rules as the outside world, but they become skewed when we’re surrounded by our half naked colleagues.
Another setting where worker-to-worker etiquette changes is while we are doing intros. While we line up making sure our boobs are extra perky, adjusting our wedgies (front and back), and checking our makeup is flawless– we are equal. I’ve heard many an axiom like ‘the client only remembers the first and last introduction’, but I disagree. The client influences how we sell ourselves to them - how we look and how we behave towards them. We respond to them so they respond to us. And let’s be honest, once you’re up in the room, they don’t remember our names anyway. What I’ve found most helpful is not the unsolicited advice we all get, but rather the advice from the other workers, grounded in experience. Watching, learning, the tips and tricks from other workers has helped me not only get and manage bookings, but also how to interact respectfully in our particular, special workplace.
HOUSE MUMS
More commonly known as the front of house, or the receptionists. I believe that house mums can make or break brothels, and determine what brothel etiquette looks like. They set expectations. I realize there are some horror stories about house mums - some are abusive, possessive, degrading, play favourites, and manipulate workers to turn on one another. Unfortunately, because we are considered independent contractors and workplace etiquette in brothels is not regulated with legal consequences, these behaviours often go unchallenged, with little consequence. Workers are left with few options but to leave to avoid confrontation.
I am lucky enough to work with house mums that I adore. The etiquette and rules that I have learnt to follow are that if you’re honest, clean up after yourself, play nice with the other workers, and empty your room bins, you will be in their good books. It’s the little things, right?
My respect, my etiquette, towards them has reaped me rewards in big and small ways. If I want to go home, I go; if I say no to a booking, it’s a no; or if I need to take a much needed break between bookings, then I am on break. It is in communicating these things to my house mums, rather than disappearing or stewing, that saves us both. Saying them out loud or writing them down makes them seem insignificant, but in a vulnerable workplace, these small acts of kindness have kept me sane and safe before, during, and after work.
THE CLIENT
Clients – the people who make our work possible. What would we do without them? But don’t be fooled. When you read this, you might think that I am exaggerating or making it up. I wish I was, truly. Most people think this is all common sense stuff, but ask any sex worker and they’ll tell you that common sense is not common at all.
Let’s start with the basics: manners. It never ceases to amaze me how few clients know their manners. Just this last weekend I had to remind far too many people to say "please". Unless I birthed you out of my vagina, I shouldn’t have to teach you basic manners. This extends to the, unfortunately, to the use of the word “no”. If you find yourself in a brothel and you ask a sex worker to do something and they say no, we mean it. “No” does not mean “try harder” or “convince me”. Similarly, if you’re unsure, please ask us if we are comfortable with something or not. I give people one warning, which is more than I should, and then I will kick you out. This shouldn’t have to be included or emphasized in this article, but no means no, and you need to ask to touch.
Ask any sex worker and they’ll tell you that common sense is not common at all.
Please don’t come in hammered drunk. I can understand that you might have a bit more confidence in your sexual abilities after a few drinks, but we hate it. If we can smell the alcohol on your breath while doing our intro, we will warn the other workers and die a lot on the inside if you book us. It’s uncomfortable for everyone and leads to unsatisfying bookings for all involved.. Lastly, please, and I cannot emphasize this enough, wash your body. When we ask you to take a shower, we don’t ask you to rinse – we ask you to wash yourself. We spend a lot of time smelling and looking our best at work, and all we ask is that you offer us the same courtesy. And it doesn’t stop there, oh no. No one, and I mean no one, wants to tell a full-grown adult to get back in the shower and wash their butts. I’m not embarrassed to tell a client that, but the message is not often received well. We don’t want to embarrass you, we want a clean and comfy booking for both of us, so please wash yourself, please – we beg you.
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