Have you ever had someone grab your boobs in the break room? Or perhaps you’re getting dressed into your work clothes and someone asks you if you can see their tampon string hanging from their g-string? Or maybe you’ve had to help someone wriggle into their latex body suit? I have.
When out and about in the normie world, there are so many social rules that we all abide by without even realizing. As a former anthropologist, I have spent more time than I care to admit observing social rules and the unintentional regulation of societal etiquette. I'd like to think that most of us know how to behave properly in a workplace and in public spaces according to the order of social norms. Now, imagine you’re sitting on an empty bus, but someone decides to sit next to you, or if someone stands too close to you in public or at work, or if someone gives you a slap on the bum when they walk past you? If someone did that to me, I would report them, run for my life, or file a (sexual) harassment complaint to anyone who’d listen. Most of us follow society's unwritten rules and never want to purposely disobey them – no one wants to be singled out as a weirdo.
When out and about in the normie world, there are so many social rules that we all abide by without even realizing.
When you’re in the sex work industry, forget all those rules because we have a new unspoken set that most of us abide by. Of course, we include some of the normie rules, like if the seat is taken you don’t sit there, or if it’s not your food then you don’t touch it. However, the backroom is a magical place where we bend social norms and a lot more is openly displayed, physically and literally.
I have had many non sex workers and clients ask me what really happens in the backrooms, and I have always found it hard to explain. If you know, you know. I’m sure that many things that happen would shock people or perhaps find it worthy of being its own Netflix series. I’m never sure which stories they might want to hear because a lot of these rules and etiquette have become so normal to me. What is utterly fascinating to some people has become an every night casual occurrence. Though I’m sure to be a fly on the wall would be a very special treat for someone who isn’t used to people being in the nude applying their makeup and having a casual conversation about their pets.
...the backroom is a magical place where we bend social norms and a lot more is openly displayed, physically and literally.
I am lucky enough that in my workplace there isn’t a lot of noticeable whorerachy. Most of us cringe for the worker who gets the bad bookings, and cheer for those who had a client who tipped them extra. However, there are some real horror stories about backroom etiquette that can be unregulated and go unpunished. These are some examples that I've heard of:
- A worker knowingly stealing someone's regular client
- Cutting in the queue to intro with clients
- Flashing clients in the waiting room to entice them into booking you
- Bitching to the house mums or other workers when someone got the booking you wanted and giving the worker hell for it every chance they get
- Degrading other workers for providing or not providing extras
- House mums bullying you into stay on shift after you’ve had a bad booking, you’re too exhausted to continue, or you simply want to go home
- Being bullied into provide a service you don’t offer
- Being gaslit into thinking it ‘wasn’t that bad’ and to continue the booking
- Being outed as a sex worker.
These are just a few examples of horrible workplace/backroom etiquette and the whorerachy at play – unfortunately, I am sure there are many worse stories out there. If anything like this happened in any other workplace setting, there would be consequences and the possibility someone would be getting fired for that shit.
These examples are not only an insight to how normalised poor backroom etiquette is, but also how some sex workers play their parts in the whorerachy. The judgment and sometimes harassment that some sex workers are met with in the backrooms, can be crippling. After all, the work we put into our act and persona – sometimes morphing mentally and physically into someone else in order to fulfill someone's fantasy – we should rightly expect someone, ANYONE to treat us with basic etiquette. When backroom etiquette is not respected, it brings an unnecessary complication and stress to a sometimes already complicated and stressful job. At the end of the night, we are all there for the same reasons.
The judgment and sometimes harassment that some sex workers are met with in the backrooms, can be crippling.
In an ideal world, no one in any workplace should have to experience anything like this. For me, there is always room for fun and games, within reason. Once you have a good bond with another worker and you have read the room properly, good backroom etiquette can change your shift into a hilarious, nurturing, and humbling experience. When I go into work, there are some workers that I can count on to give me a cheeky bum slap for respectful and loving motivation, to encourage me to show my cleavage to score the booking with a cute intro, tell me if I have a nip slip, or to make sure my panties or bra are secured to show just the right amount of skin.
No matter how bad a shift may be, I am a firm believer in the power of backroom etiquette creating a safe environment where you can complain about something as trivial as your panties not sitting right, your upcoming menstrual cycle, or how your booking went. After all, when working we show ourselves in a physically vulnerable and intimate way which doesn’t necessarily fit into the everyday norm. So, it makes sense that the etiquette we follow in the backroom would be different, that they’d allow for the freedom and space to feel safe in the backroom.
I am a firm believer in the power of backroom etiquette creating a safe environment.
You can bet, once we clock off our shift our rules are switched back to normie mode – no more boob or bum grabs, no more chatting about which condoms you prefer, no more topless, bottomless, or nude conversations, and no more picking out your wedgie in front of your co-workers. As much as I love my sex worker friends and the closeness we share, I think we would all find it weird to do what we do in the backroom, anywhere else.
Are you a sex worker with a story, opinion, news, or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!
We started the tryst.link sex worker blog to help amplify those who aren't handed the mic and bring attention to the issues ya'll care about the most. Got a tale to tell? 👇☂️✨
