It is Monday morning, 8.35am and I have been at my desk for 30 minutes, a triple shot cold brew the only thing separating me from a zombified state. I think about what I was doing this time 24 hours ago and absent-mindedly run my tongue across my lips.
“Good morning,” trills one of my colleagues as he bursts through the door, all boat shoes and bonhomie. “How was your weekend?” he breezes.
“Ah you know, same old, same old. Hookers and cocaine,” I say, meeting his gaze with a cheeky wink.
We fall about in peals of laughter.
“You’re a goose!” he exclaims, settling himself into his chair, still chuckling as he regales me with vanilla anecdotes from his beige weekend.
Ah Alastair, if only you knew.
It’s a private game I often play to keep my Monday mornings a bit jazzy. Just a matter of hours ago I was crawling into bed after a busy night of full service. A few regulars. A new sub. A very nervous couple. And now I am about to lead a team of six into a strategic planning session, conduct three appraisals and write a PD for a new manager I am recruiting. I can’t lie, I get a buzz out of the dual life that has become my reality; the blissful unawareness of my colleagues and how absurd, unknown, and frankly unnecessary the truth would be to them. I’m pegging the fuck out of life. I’m fucking the dildo at both ends. And why the hell shouldn’t I have my dick and eat it?
I really wish I could talk about the skills I obtained in two decades of sex work within the four normie walls of a job interview room. Especially a decade ago when my resume was decidedly a little sparse. The transferable skills from escorting and stripping are abundant. Dealing with challenging stakeholders? Tick. Self starter? Of course, ain’t nobody else making that bread. Well presented? Ask my accountant about my aesthetician bills.
I’m pegging the fuck out of life. I’m fucking the dildo at both ends. And why the hell shouldn’t I have my dick and eat it?
“So,” says my imaginary interviewer, stroking his unironic moustache. “Can you give me an example of a time when you thought on your feet to solve an unexpected problem?”
How about the ability to corral a room of inebriated males to not only part with thousands of dollars, but also command the unwavering attention of the entire room – is that high level skills in events management?
Customer centricity? I have entertained a wide variety of kinks and made even the most shrivelled of coke dicks perk up to attention.
Multi tasking? My favourite! Want me to show you a video?
Jokes aside, being a sex worker does require some serious core business brain-ing. Marketing, branding, and social media wizardry. Thinking out of the box, (no) pun intended. Accounting, budgeting, sales, and negotiations. Not to mention our honorary diplomas in counselling and psychology. The list goes on.
I’d love to be out and proud in that respect. Some people have the luxury of working in industries where you can be. Unfortunately, mine is not one of them. If I had it my way, I would work a reverse 9-5 every day, by which I mean from 9pm to 5am. I thrive at night, and not just for sex work. I do my best writing when the sun goes down and I can marinade my brainwaves in midnight oil and electronica. I worked exclusively nights for a long while. It gave me the financial freedom to spend my days part time studying, interning, and honing the skills I needed to dive into the kind of career I could talk to my partner’s mother about over tea and scones. But there’s no way I was about to give up what got me there in the first place. It’s a part of me.
Jokes aside, being a sex worker does require some serious core business brain-ing. Marketing, branding, and social media wizardry.
In the early days, when I landed one of my first office based roles in London, I would do a 24 hour day. Unbeknownst to my colleagues, the overnight bag I bought into work with me every Friday wasn’t full of PJs and jeans to spend a cosy weekend north of the river with a guy. Instead, it concealed an arsenal of tottering Perspex heels, pink plaid skirts and incredibly miniscule g-strings – my unofficial stripper uniform. I’d feel so satisfied in the cab back from the evening shift as another chilly, grey morning billowed over the Thames, clutching an envelope fat with cash. Proud that I had the drive to double up; to kickstart my career and continue to get my rocks off and quids in spinning round a pole.
While it was a buzz, the transition from nocturnal scantily clad warrior to a lady of the day was a struggle. I could swear like a sailor at weekends, be brutally honest, and speak unfiltered. But drop the C bomb in the coffee queue, or discuss douching in the lunchroom and it’d be a first class trip to HR. There was fatigue, trips to the bathroom to power nap. Skipping out on exercise to sleep. Not taking the time to cook nourishing food. The permanently stifled yawn in zoom meetings.
As I took on increasingly more senior roles in my day job, I moved from stripping in clubs to full service escorting work, where I could work my own hours and be my own boss. The pandemic triggered further freedom to work my office job from home, cutting out the exhaustion of the commute and the fatigue of office small talk. I also began to increasingly understand the importance of the careful management required to make running two these two lifestyles work together harmoniously. There’s nothing admirable about burning out or overloading.
As a veteran multi-tasker and burner of the candle at both ends:
- No matter how much you earn, the price you pay in burnout will be higher in the end, especially if you don’t listen to what your body needs. Treat your body and mind right, and you really can try to have it all. Meal prep for working in the office days. Commit to an exercise schedule that suits you. Get your zzz’s in. Have nothing days. Be good to yourself.
- Always have the story straight on your weekend antics. You don’t want to be caught off guard with Monday-brain and convince yourself they’re on to you. My office honestly thinks I live a very quiet life. Brunches and yoga are a good idea. As are birthday parties where the location can be vague.
- Try and establish flexible working arrangements so you can ensure you work from home on set days of the week. Try to build functioning schedules that compliment each other.
- If you are serious about keeping your two lives separate, ensure your advertising protects your identity. You might need to go beyond blurring your face. Got a trademark hairstyle or tattoos? You might need to think about going one better and blurring them too. A good photographer will be able to take your promo shots with anonymity at front of mind. Don’t be tempted to divulge what you are doing to anyone. No matter how many after work pinots you’ve had, if you really want to separate your activities, stick to your guns. And if you do decide to tell your colleagues and go face out, power to you!
Be proud and shine from the inside out. It’s rare people have the power, confidence, and gumption to do what you are doing. Let your ambition drive you. Give yourself a pat on the back and book yourself a day spa. You’re an absolute champion!
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