Come dream with me.
We know that to build new worlds, the future we deserve, we must envision it first. So, let's stretch our imaginations together as a radical liberation manifestation praxis. This is what a day in a world without sex worker stigma could look like:
I wake up and head to my son’s school where I volunteer eight hours a week. Once I’m there, I chat with the director and another teacher about how the rest of my week is panning out with clients, admin work on my site, and ad writing. One of the teachers there used to date a sex worker and we commiserate on the winter slump. I teach sex-ed to the kids and they know that I offer sexual healing services to adults, that this is just another way people aged 21 and up are able to experience and practice intimacy and pleasure in a safe, boundaried space. I told them this when I introduced myself months ago. It's not taboo or embarrassing for anyone to talk about. It’s just an accepted part of life.
After school my son and I grab some Indian food, and on the way into the restaurant we run into a regular client of mine who is walking in the opposite direction with his wife. We hug and say hello. I am introduced to his wife and they are introduced to my son. It’s easy, pleasant, normal, and full of respect all around. He mentions that his wife may want to come to see me soon, so I give her a card from my wallet and tell her to text whenever she is ready. They recommend a movie that is playing tonight at the local theater before we say our goodbyes and head to our respective plans. My brother texts to ask if I have any colleagues I can refer him to. I send him info for three different providers, and check in with each one to let them know to expect his call.
In this world, my son has known the whole truth of what I do for a living since he was tiny, since it is decriminalized and de-stigmatized there is no reason to lie. He understands it’s a service for grown ups, for in private, and talking about it has opened the door to conversations about consent and autonomy with our bodies as it applies to him and his peers. In this world I sit at my laptop updating ads, never having to slam the laptop closed, hiding my ad from my son or another family member if they happen to walk in.
In this world, my son has known the whole truth of what I do for a living since he was tiny, since it is decriminalized & de-stigmatized there is no reason to lie.
In this world my own mother has worked on her own sexual trauma through sexological bodywork sessions and sensual massage. And to say that she respects what I do is an understatement. She understands the healing, grounding and embodiment effects of present, intentional, consensual sexual touch and release in her very bones. In this world, my mom is proud of me.
I am applying for grad school and I highlight my twenty years of experience as a sex worker on my application, in my essay, and in my interview. The admissions counselors are impressed at the plethora of skills involved in running my own business: multi-tasking, writing ads, creating my own website, photos, doing intake, maintaining my client-retention rate. Screening clients and making my own schedule. Setting up and holding safe, respectful, boundaried spaces for people to experience erotic pleasure and benefit from the healing effects of conscious, intentional intimacy. They know that this background will serve me well as I enter the mental health field, and they see my experience as a sex worker as a valuable addition to their classrooms.
In this world sex work and sex workers are respected, valued, and admired in every arena of public and private life. At the airport they call us to board the plane before military members, because everyone knows that consensual pleasure, touch and healing benefits society while violence, genocide, colonialism and war degrade it. We are given discounts at grocery stores on certain days. We are looked to for sex and relationship advice. Clients often refer their friends, family members, co-workers, girlfriends, boyfriends, and spouses.
The integration of sex workers into wider society has done wonders for harmful, narrow, white-supremacist beauty standards. As people drop their shame, judgements, and fear around sharing sexuality and vulnerability with professionals in a healthy way, they are able to see it as valuable. Sex workers looks, body type, and adherence to arbitrary beauty standards matters as much as what their doctor looks like. Everyone here understands that connection, eroticism, and pleasure are deep relational medicine that reach far beyond superficial, consumer-driven, unattainable beauty standards.
My mailman has come to see me for sessions a couple of times now. When I see him on my porch the next morning, he greets me as usual without a hint of awkwardness or embarrassment. We talk about the weather and he reminds me he’ll see me next week for his session as he heads down the steps.
I’ll hold this sweet, expansive dream close to my heart. I like to believe that if we can see it we can reach it.
Are you a sex worker with a story, opinion, news, or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!
We started the tryst.link sex worker blog to help amplify those who aren't handed the mic and bring attention to the issues ya'll care about the most. Got a tale to tell? 👇☂️✨
