Welcome back to our sex worker interview series A Tryst With... Today we're joined by Santa Rosa Escort Sarah Gold to chat about Goddess temples, sex tech, and successful sex work personas!
How did you get into the industry and what does your journey look like so far?
I got into the industry through a friend who was doing tantra massage at a goddess temple. Her intention was to introduce me to the temple, but right around that time the temple she was working at fell apart a bit and she figured out how to go independent. I was the first person that she trained and she went on to train many others. The way that she was working was from a very spiritual and healing lens which fit for me because I had been trained in energy healing already and was interested in doing massage professionally. After my first week of training with her and during my first week of work, I had an interaction with police in Seattle when they came to the Airbnb that we were staying at when some of the neighbors noticed the volume of cars that were coming and going from the house. I was the one who answered the door and dealt with the officer. He was actually a nice guy and didn't have much to go off of outside of suspicion, but made it clear that we were not welcome to continue hosting there.
That experience shaped my approach to work and since then I've been very particular about where I'll work. It's important to me to feel safety and security for myself and my clients wherever I'm working. I ended up getting banned from airbnb and since then have cultivated a lot of community around finding shared work studios and locations across the country. I landed in Oakland, working mostly out of a dungeon – so eventually incorporated kink into my sessions, and found my own form of expression with how I like to spend time with clients that crosses between all the different communities I’ve been a part of in the realms of sexuality and expression.
I went on to co-lead an online business program for sex workers with the person who originally trained me, where I provided business coaching and web design for sex workers – which I still offer independently. I’ve hosted online courses, in-person immersions, group photoshoots, private kink events, group ceremonies, and offer mentorship and branding support 1-on-1.
When I got into the industry I was fresh out of college and was still figuring out what I wanted to do professionally. I went on to pursue design and fabrication as a career and had put sex work to the side, but when I went out of my fabrication job on worker's compensation, I went full-time in the sex industry. There really wasn't a job that I could do with the amount of chronic pain that I was in and that was a turning point for me, health wise and career-wise. I never really recovered from what at the time seemed like an injury and now has just become my life, and sex work has been something that I not just fall back on, but has kept me in a comfortable and independent lifestyle while I have navigated everything in life from challenging family dynamics to unhealthy romantic relationships. Foremost, my most challenging relationship is with my body and with chronic pain.
How has the industry changed since you started?
The industry has gone through a big change since I started! I got in at the tail end of the Backpage glory days. There used to be a much higher volume of client inquiries in general to weed through but nowadays I think the key is in cultivating a more curated relationship with your clientele. There is also a big difference in the industry since the rise of Onlyfans and independent porn production has become so much more mainstream and acceptable for people of all walks of life to have as a career.
There wasn’t as much of an awareness of sex work, and I think now so many more people see it as an option for themselves as a job or even are just so much more aware that sex workers are not that far removed from their communities and their lives, which I see as a positive. However, I've also seen the industry be flooded with more providers and that creates more competition. With a constantly changing standard of performance or appearance, it has become more and more essential to have a personal brand as a sex worker and not just rely on a general vibe from your photos orr a simple bio. Many providers now also are essentially influencers or take on really extensive social media personalities to keep up a successful business. Before SESTA FOSTA, ads were more concentrated on these older, more reliable websites. I think that it was easier and simpler to advertise. Now there's so much more time and money and consideration that has to go into advertising and booking clients.
Are you out as a sex worker? If so, what has that been like?
I have gone from being very in the closet, to super out and proud, to now being out on a bit of a need-to-know basis. I’ve learned a lot about relationships and trust from navigating the coming out issue. For instance, my family was pretty widely accepting of me for doing SW in general but had a really hard time with me starting to share publicly about it. Similarly, I’ve had people in my life be open and accepting of me as a sexworker but not acknowledge my business and marketing experience as relevant to other industries outside of the adult industry. In romantic relationships, I have had partners that were accepting of my work but also struggled to understand its role in my life and relate to it. I now tend to open up more selectively to people about my work. I’m fortunate to have a lot of community within the industry and people who are allies to my work beyond that. I don’t need to share indiscriminately about my work just to make myself more interesting. It’s been very healthy for me to develop a life, interests, skills, and community outside of the industry so that I have balance in my life and can afford the privacy around my work that makes me feel inspired to keep doing it.
Is there anything you think the general public should learn from sex workers?
There is so much the public can learn from sex workers! I was on a crusade for a little while about this, especially when it comes to the budding sextech industry. Sexual health and wellness is a rising industry and I think many companies would do well to hire sex workers as consultants to help them understand sexual trends and issues that are relevant to the market. I went through a really great program called Sex Tech School, where I got to meet and collaborate with some up-and-coming founders and developers in the sex tech industry. They are very open to this perspective and some of them are very eager to figure out how to build partnerships with sex workers. I think that this is something that we are going to see more and more of as the industry becomes more destigmatized, and that may be a hopeful way of thinking of things, as things may very well go in the opposite direction and we may see our personal lives become even more censored. The other side of what people can learn from sex workers is that our personal lives are very vulnerable to censorship and control from the governing agencies in our country and abroad and that sex workers are oftentimes the canary in the coal mine of social control and suppression of self expression. Where sex workers pose a huge threat is through how we are able to harness our sexuality and self-expression and create financial independence. We become even more threatening when we try and succeed in collectivizing and show just how independent and successful we can be, especially when we support each other.
What are some skills you’ve developed through your time as a sex worker? Do they have broader applications in the civvie world?
The strongest skill that I've cultivated in my time as a sex worker is my boundaries. It took me a long time to develop that muscle to hold boundaries and there were many different stages of boundaries that I moved through to get to the way of holding that I have for them today. At the beginning of my career, I held boundaries in a very black and white way and just behind those firm boundaries was my fear and my doubt in my ability to keep myself safe. Whereas now I am able to navigate boundaries in a much more fluid way and allow more intimacy and proximity from a grounded and open place without feeling that fear or doubt in my ability to keep myself safe either physically or energetically.
Next I would say the skill connecting with the most valuable elements of myself is marketing. In sex work marketing, you are selling the value of your company and intimacy, which can trigger your deepest insecurities. Over the years I have learned how to look past my insecurities and see how the unique things about me are what make my ideal clients connect with me the most. It has been such a joy to be able to share this process with other sex workers and to help many different kinds of people find work that is not only successful for them, but authentic to the parts of themself that they love the most. Learning how to market based on your authentic story and personality is a skill that far transcends the adult industry. I even think that learning marketing through the adult industry has made me more skilled at marketing in general, because in the adult industry we have to be extra intentional with every piece of our marketing due to legal and safety issues. This deeper level of awareness around impact can be a real strength moving forward into other industries.
You’re a disabled sex worker. How do the disability and sex work communities overlap? What has the work done for you in regard to being disabled?
One of the ways that the disability and sex work communities overlap is in how they are cast aside when it comes to political or social issues. Oftentimes sex workers and disabled people are amongst the groups that are most affected by social issues. For instance, during Covid sex workers like myself who depended on in-person work and did not have legal documentation for their employment were deeply affected. Similarly, many disabled people were at a much higher risk of comorbidity with Covid.
I didn’t come into sex work because of my disability, but it has remained such a large part of my life as my disability become more impactful over the years. Sex work has allowed me to have flexibility in my work schedule so that I can prioritize my health and live at the pace my body needs me to, depending on my pain levels. Sex work also allows me the agency to offer whatever type of session feels right for my body and energy, which has changed over the years. I’ve been able to take time off when I need to, to put the work on pause to pursue other career paths when I am up to that, and to return to sex work when I need to fall back from more regular work. When my chronic pain levels are high, it is a lifesaver to be able to work shorter hours for higher pay. I’ve been very fortunate to have this level of flexibility while still being able to maintain a comfortable and independent life.
What’s an aspect of being a sex worker that you really love?
There are aspects of being a sex worker that I really love, I feel like the capacity for sex work is a super power. Just in the way that I can never remove the stigma of having done this work from the record of my past, I will never lose the power that I’ve gained from doing this work. The courage to hold an openness for intimacy for me comes from a deep compassion and acceptance for the erotic urges that all people have, regardless of their attractiveness or compatibility with me. I’ve learned how to hold a space with my own sexual energy that allows for genuine honoring and connection to unfold between myself and a stranger who is oftentimes from an entirely different walk of life than I am. The tenderness and care that unfolds can often have a mystical quality to it. I am a spiritual person at heart and believe there are many ways to come to prayer, and to offer our bodies as a channel for erotic energy is an act of deep devotion to the creative energy of life that flows through us all. To be a channel for this energy is a deep gift to hold, and it has brought me a lot of healing around my relationship with men and around the relationship I have with my own identity as a woman in the eyes of men.
Tell us about a moment you’ve had where you felt really included in the sex work community. How have you been welcomed or supported by your sex industry peers?
My favorite moments in the sex work community have been in the Bay Area attending events put on by BAWS (Bay Area Workers Support). It’s really incredible to get to meet in person people who I’ve admired online and feel the inclusivity and desire to support people of all different identities and offerings in the industry. I’ve had many different experiences in the industry, from hosting online courses, in person immersions, private events, and group photoshoots. But I think being at events like the Failed Films screenings is so exciting and it feels inspiring to see what people in the community are doing outside of their public facing identities, to just witness and celebrate the vast diversity of sexual expression that we all have and how we can come together under a shared umbrella of sex worker but are ultimately not defined by the personas that we take on to appeal to clients. Being a part of that broader community has helped me so much to feel connected to my own self worth and acceptance of my unique sexual identity and story within the industry and as an entrepreneur and artist.
Sex workers often have to think about branding. How do you create a sex work persona that feels authentic?
A successful sexwork persona comes from the intersection of your genuine authentic self and your inner sex goddess. When I work with people 1-on-1 to do a rebrand or extend their brand into a website, I help them connect with this fantasy avatar and pick out sensory details that can help ground that fantasy self into reality. It’s different than just imagining someone else who you want to be like and trying to look like them or be like them, because it involves seeing who you want to be or would be in your wildest dreams and allowing yourself to already be that person, then creating a lot of subtle signals in your branding for people to see and relate to you in that way. The process is more about self worth than it is just about marketing strategy and that is one of the reasons that I love working with people in this way. All of the sex workers that I work with as marketing clients have such amazing stories that they bring into their work, and many people don’t make the connection and allow their personal stories to feed their client facing identity. That makes sense because many of us are guarded about our personal life due to safety and discretion concerns. That is where I come in and get to be a translator for how these personal stories and identities can lend their power to the brand story with representational imaging, intentional design, and thoughtful copywriting.
What are your hobbies and interests? How do you spend your time away from work?
I spend a lot of time in nature with my dog. I’m also an artist and a writer. I create art and jewelry out of honeycomb, bones, mushrooms, and crystal by preserving them in copper. I am writing a book of poetry about my journey with disability and chronic pain. I am working towards building installation art and one day owning my own gallery.
What’s your favorite book, movie, TV show, etc, on/ or including sex work?
My most recent movie about sex work that I enjoyed is called Sanctuary. I will say that many of the movies or shows that I enjoy about sex work I wouldnt necessarily endorse for their accurate portrayals of the industry, but its still fun to indulge in the distorted fantasy projection of sex work. I even enjoy watching Pretty Woman every once in a while. I feel like that’s a bit sacrilegious! My favorite book featuring sex work is called Aphrodite by Pierre Luoys. It’s a very old story set in Alexandria and it’s a horrifying romance set in a time of goddess worship in a society where sex workers were a revered and powerful part of that society.
The makeup item I swear by is: A coral/pink lip stain I got from the healthfood store.
We'll get along if: You love dogs.
My favorite everyday pleasure is: Taking a bath in my outdoor soaking tub in the garden.
A social cause I care about is: Disability justice and awareness.
My favorite color is: gold.
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