It's time for our sex worker interview series 'A Tryst With', and today we're speaking with San Francisco escort Cody Sweets about desirability, hookup apps, and the sympathetic nervous system!
Hi Cody! How did you get into the industry and what does your journey look like so far?
I started listing in 2021 as a masseur, and now offer full service escorting, erotic massage, and travel companionship. I’ve also dabbled in the porn industry but most of my energy has been dedicated to in-person work. I’ve always been fascinated by sex as a place in which I could bring forward my most primal self, and as an activity that intersects with healing, play, and explorations of the subconscious. As someone who is curious about people and who values pleasure and connection, I find this work to be very fitting. I feel like I’m constantly learning and stimulated by the diversity of experiences I get to have, and the opportunity to provide space for clients to vocalize their desires without shame. I love to offer a unique container for clients to share the stories and intentions behind what they are yearning to explore. My journey has allowed me to step into my confidence, own my desirability, and explore many dimensions of sex… I intend on getting a taste of it all.
Can you tell us some benefits and drawbacks of working in the sex industry?
Working in the sex industry has strengthened my relationship with my intuition. Ironically, while the work is high risk, it’s helped me learn to be more self-protective and discerning around scams, timewasters, and manipulation. I greatly enjoy being my own boss and the work's unique relationship to authenticity. I sometimes feel more pressure to perform, suppress myself, and be palatable in vanilla workplaces. I love that I am paid to be myself — it has helped me internalize that my presence itself is a gift. I also have a ton of fun getting to explore sexual archetypes I didn’t know dwelled within me, partly due to exploring clients’ desires. There’s definitely some inherent shapeshifter magic in the work!
One of the most significant drawbacks has been riding the wave of this industry’s feast and famine nature. It’s difficult to feel fully secure when markets fluctuate and the general population has no model for respecting us as workers. I take this (playful) work extremely seriously, and I wish some prospective clients understood the care and consideration we put into our profession. I enjoy developing my business, but sex workers’ actual hourly rate is much lower once you calculate all the extra things that go into maintaining our livelihood and promoting our services. I try my best to be firm in my boundaries, but there’s often a feeling of scarcity lurking in the background that can lead us to over-exert ourselves or fail to assert our needs. I don’t enjoy being asked to compromise on my rates and my sexual boundaries. Still, this feeling of scarcity and warped expectations around our work can also make newer, more impressionable workers–still learning the ropes–yield to these influences. The notion of a trans guy doing full service as a somewhat uncharted territory can also contribute to this imposter syndrome and pressure on the self.
What’s something people should probably consider before they take the leap into becoming a sex worker?
Consider strengthening your ability to forgive yourself. A considerable part of this, especially if you are not yet connected to sex worker community, is learning as you go. Over time, you will hopefully build a stronger intuition, will learn to strike the balance of authentic relationship building and playing into fantasy, and will gain practice making the work work for you. But messing up is inevitable. Recognize that this is a natural part of the learning process. Cultivate patience and start building a capacity to be comfortable with inconsistency – it takes time to develop trust in the waves and fluctuations of this market. Discernment about when we bend to it versus when it is wisest to hold our ground is built over time. And quite importantly for myself, maintaining a sense of humor is critical.
I also find that many self-driven people are attracted to the work but struggle to have boundaries with it. The boy market can be a bit more ‘on-demand’ and more heavily influenced by hookup apps – unfortunately, booking forms, deposits, and screening are more likely to fall by the wayside. I find ways to not feel on all the time, have designated offtime, and trust that the quality clients will be waiting for me on the other side. Having rituals that ground me into the sacredness of the work, especially in a field that can be so stigmatized, has helped me show up fuller in service to my clients and myself. Lastly, consider online security, safety protocols, etc. Really talk to others doing this work to avoid some common missteps!
What is your favorite part of sex work culture? What communities, people, places, and memories are important to you as a sex worker?
There’s a very particular wavelength of understanding and care that sex workers provide each other. There’s a spirit of generosity between trusted sex work friends. We hold space and care for each other physically and monetarily. We know how extra meaningful it is when we give our bodies and time to one another. Getting to do duos with friends or sweeties is incredible. Clients, I highly recommend booking duos for the sensational chemistry alone!
We can’t share our stories with the general public and often have to compartmentalize, so I am very grateful when someone just gets it. And it sucks because we have the best, most enticing stories! There’s nothing like walking with another provider and having one of you randomly point to a building and be like, “oh my god… I need to tell you about my night with a client in THAT room!” and hearing the extraordinary ridiculousness that ensued. We are incredible space holders and intimacy connoisseurs, and I’m just in awe of us. We are highly perceptive individuals. Unexplainable things happen in this work.
I love workers who know their history and honor our sex work ancestors. I recently moved to the Bay Area and have been enjoying getting a chance to visit historic spots of sex worker resistance. I took a solo trip to the Tenderloin Museum and the site of Compton’s Cafeteria Riot. There’s so much leather history here, too. I also love social events at historic incall spaces – you feel how those spaces have held down a subversive community for ages.
What is important for the sex working and wider community to know about trans sex workers?
It’s important to note that sex work is often how the wider world forms their first relationships with trans people, especially transwomanhood. That’s a lot of responsibility to hold and an added dimension of the work cis folks don’t have to reckon with. It’s paramount to recognize the lineage of trans people in sex work, and how it emerged for trans-feminized people as one of their only viable ways of living. There’s this strong lineage, and yet, most trans providers are still listing for lower rates than cis providers – even though we are our own unique niche. This is probably due to a mix of providers devaluing themselves due to internalized transphobia, transmisogyny, etc, and that it seems rarer that trans providers consistently have access to consistent, higher-end GFE/BFE relationships with clients. Some have speculated whether this is rooted in clients’ shame about their desires for trans people–possibly keeping trans providers out of the public eye (i.e., less likely to take a trans provider on a dinner date or a public FMTY).
Every worker has a positionality that requires a slightly different code to crack. Trans masc workers are a growing market, and we are figuring it out as we go, baby! I am so grateful for all the advice I’ve received from my cis colleagues, but some party tricks unfortunately don’t apply and are not universal. I would love to see more social bridges built between cis male escorts and trans guy escorts – but not in an infantilizing way, nor coming from a place of solely wanting to fuck us – I see you in my DM’s! We could benefit from learning about that corner of the industry, especially for transmasc workers transitioning away from advertising as women. This seems to be happening more in the porn industry, but I think there’s a way to go for escorts, who so often orbit each other independently. A lot of transmasc people are facing the possibility of a severe loss of income after leaving behind the ability to list as a woman. Fellow cis workers – help support that transition by putting us in your films and inquiring with your clients about whether they would ever be open to doing a duo with a trans guy! It’s often an excellent opportunity to see a different side of your client’s desire, too.
Lastly, I’ve encountered many clients who haven’t interacted with transmasc/FTM anatomies. I’m totally comfortable being someone’s first experience with pussy… it can be quite hot! It does, however, reveal to me the stark amount of misinformation on bodies of people with anatomies like me, which can be disheartening to be faced with time and time again. There’s a lot of misinformation floating around about people on testosterone and pregnancy risk, as well as a lack of information about the possible ineffectiveness of DoxyPEP for front-hole/vaginal sex. Certain STI prevention methods have different rates of effectiveness based on one’s anatomy, and I hope more research can be dedicated to trans people’s sexual health.
What do you think about how sex workers are represented in queer spaces?
I can only speak to my experience in queer spaces along the West Coast. While I sometimes interact with civilian queers that have internalized the idea that this work is degrading, more often, I cross paths with people who are genuinely curious and don’t want to step on my toes or appear invasive. I have primarily been in queer communities in which sex workers are viewed by civilian queers as part of a larger liberation movement. However, civilian queers may robustly chant, “Sex work is work,” but most can’t define the details of what that work looks like. And yes, sex work is work, but is that what we need to be emphasizing in our movements? I don’t want the sex worker rights movement to center only the validity of our work.
Common issues I’ve encountered from civilian queers are judgments around how people entered the field or their motivations for doing it, as well as a bit of fetishization. There is still a block for some queers to actually hire us – they have a limited notion as to who they think a client is. There’s a false idea that being a client means you are someone lacking the ability to have sexual experiences for free, rather than seeing how hiring a provider could benefit you. It's a gift to yourself. Sex workers hire each other all the time!
I’ve also noticed that some queers seem to approach our work as if it's a simple way to get rich quick. There’s often a lack of understanding around the sustained effort this takes and how saturated the market is. Dropping into sex work is all well and fine, but talking a big game before even starting and then wanting access to our community spaces — no thanks. Like any marginalized group of people, we need our own sex worker-only spaces to be together and organize. Being invited in and accessing sex worker spaces is a privilege, so please approach without fetishization.
Has your work impacted your relationship with your gender and/or your presentation?
Definitely. When I started, I didn’t have top surgery, had long hair, and appeared more androgynous. I noticed that as I leaned into more masculine tropes and stereotypical boy-ness, I gained a bit more traction in the industry. I’m lucky, all my actions have been authentic to my personal journey with gender expression. I’m definitely in my protein-powder-guzzling jock era (any clients with a sportswear fetish out there? Call me). It’s partially motivated by work – the lines of cosplay and reality begin to thin.
When starting, choosing how to present myself on social media was confusing. I had an inner monologue of, “is this too much?” and was attempting to ride a fine line for some imaginary stereotypical potential client. I had a vague notion of wanting to stick with what was palatable and a fear of turning people off. Some of this is internalized transphobia, and some of it is strategy. Unfortunately, “FTM” is already a niche in the industry. I’ve even chatted candidly with some clients about how presenting as niche within a niche can be a turnoff or appear murky in terms of your branding. Many clients are experimenting with us for the first time, so I’m always trying to read the room to see how much on the fringes I can be. I want to provide opportunities to explore new experiences that feel safe and somewhat familiar, not blow them out of their learning zone. But at the end of the day, all clients have specific preferences, and you can’t please everyone.
The work has also helped me own my own desirability. For a lot of transmasc people who choose to medically transition, there often comes a point in which we are recalibrating our sense of desirability as our body shifts, especially in relation to our desirability with cis gay men. This work has helped me understand that there are all sorts of open-minded people who are eager to be with us. Let the trans experience break your brain and all your constructs! It’s good for you ;)
Do you have a favourite book by a trans author?
I can’t pick one! Little Fish by Casey Plett struck me and centers a friend group of trans girls that do sex work. Recent releases that have spoken to me are A Short History of Transmisogyny by Jules Gill-Peterson and Sluts Anthology released by Dopamine Press. Several of the contributions to the anthology are written by trans authors. I’ve even ended a session reading excerpts to my client (always come equipped with post-orgasmic reading material)! I particularly recommend the piece Union by DL Alvarez as a window into the whimsical world of sex worker ‘trades.’
You incorporate massage and bodywork into your sex work. How do these aspects enhance your sessions?
When I first started working and meeting strangers, having clients begin face down on a massage table was a great way for me to feel more in control of the session and take time to calm my own nerves. Making sure I feel centered and can hold space for someone dramatically enhances my work. According to Caffyn Jesse’s work, sexual happiness is a balance of excited arousal/passion (the domain of our sympathetic nervous system) and contentment/relaxing/savoring (parasympathetic). We don’t have a lot of mainstream models of sex that start from a downregulated place and that center on the savoring sensation.
Incorporating bodywork helps both the client and I slowwwww down so we can actually begin to tune into our sensation and name what feels good. It’s an opportunity to provide a full-body experience that, by nature, decenters the genitals and is more exploratory. I’ll also add that anal massage is profoundly relaxing – whether there is erotic energy present or not. There are pelvic muscles you can access through the anal canal that are common culprits to low back pain and can be released through internal massage. I also have training in scar massage. This includes releasing scar tissue related to gender-affirming surgeries, circumcision, birth, etc. In sex work, I have yet to dedicate a full session to scar work, but even providing some presence to one’s scars through intentional touch allows a chance for the client to more fully process the events associated with one’s scars.
What do you like to do when you’re not working? Do you have any hobbies or special interests?
I’m a dog dad and animal lover, so obsessing over my little guy is a part-time job. I’m trying to get into volunteering with some wildlife rehab spots! I love exploring the outdoors and nude beaches. Being feral and goofy with friends. Cooking elaborate feasts and community building. I love a night out but also love a good long bath to some trance-y ambient music. And I recently got my motorcycle license – watch out!
My favorite scent is: Brugmansia flowers–most fragrant at night.
In the future, I plan to: Unionize the boys.
The dorkiest thing about me is: I still blast and belt the Wicked soundtrack in the car, join me on a drive?
I feel most sexy when: Making out at a nude beach.
My social media handles are: X.com/CodySw33ts, codysweets.bsky.social
Want to meet San Francisco Escort Cody Sweets in person?
Head over to his profile! 👇👇👇
