Thanks for joining us for our sex worker interview series, 'A Tryst With...' We're joined by New York Dominatrix Zoey Belladonna to talk femdom, boundaries, and feeling powerful.
What has your path looked like on your path to where you are now as a FemDom?
I came into the industry pre backpage, twitter, eros etc. I started out in the Craigslist Adult Gigs picking out the funniest and most unique one-offs I could find. It was a wild west corner of the internet once upon a time. It started out as curiosity, or a sociological experiment, and I fell in love with it quickly. It was where my love of experimentation really blossomed. I discovered fetishes I didn’t know existed, came to love kinks I once thought were disgusting, and I met a lot of fascinating and truly weird people.
Fast forward ten or so years, and after many different iterations of Zoey, I really found my stride in sensual dominance, incorporating full service into my Domination sessions.
What looks different now, than it did at the beginning of your journey?
I dug deeper into my niche and am happier than I’ve ever been! In the beginning of my career, I thought I had to have every kind of offering on my “menu” to reach success. I found the opposite to be true. The more I started trimming the fat, the more authentic connections I developed, the better I was at my job, and the more rewarding it became. Now I only offer what I truly enjoy and do a chemistry test to ensure I only see clients I know I’ll connect with. Total game changer.
What has sex work taught you about yourself?
It offered me a place to experiment and express different parts of myself. It probably sounds cheesy, but it really helped me come into myself: Sex work taught me how to have boundaries, take care of myself, advocate for what I want, and gave me the confidence to get it. It taught me how to be in my body and that kink can be a mindfulness practice. If someone’s emotional, physical, or mental safety is in my hands, I need to be attentive and attuned to their physical and emotional presence. I cannot do so if my mind is elsewhere or I’m not grounded. It really became a ripple effect that taught me how to be more present in the rest of my life.
Sex workers often experience different kinds of discrimination, is there anything in particular you wish people knew the full impact of?
There are so many little things people don’t notice. The reach of criminalization and stigma go farther than the obvious. It fucks with our banking, our love lives, finding other employment, international travel. Even dumb things like being banned from participating in many Reddit forums, even when not advertising! I’m banned from nearly every dating app because of facial recognition software, despite having never used them for work. It’s all relative to how much privilege one has, but I think the little things aren’t discussed much and are harder to fight.
As sex workers, we're often asked some fairly inappropriate questions by the public. In your opinion, what should non-workers avoid asking us and why?
I actually don’t mind most questions as long as they come from genuine curiosity. But some people definitely ask inappropriate questions to confirm their own biases, or from a morbid interest in our hardships. I think people should use common sense and avoid asking about potentially triggering or indiscreet things. Would you want to share this private information? If not, zip it.
You call yourself a ‘Gentle FemDom’ – can you tell us a little about this kind of kink work?
My practice is about role reversal, experimentation, and seducing or mindfucking men into doing what I want – or what they desperately want to be forced to do. My practice is not pain-focused so this verbiage, along with Sensual Dominance, is the most widely recognized to explain what I offer.
I kind of resent the term, as I feel like it purports that other forms of BDSM aren’t sensual or gentle, and assumes that mindfucking or anything other than physical BDSM is more tame, which isn’t necessarily true. But SEO is a thing I have to care about, so c’est la vie!
Do you have a pre or post session routine/ritual?
I really like to work out or do something physically active before a session. It helps me come into my body and ground myself. I like to listen to music while getting ready, usually Janet Jackson’s “Control” or PJ Harvey’s “Is This Desire”.
Post session: a decadent meal, a luxurious bath or spa day, a meeting with my hitachi, and bad tv.
Is there a piece in your working wardrobe that you just love?
I am having a latex renaissance right now. I just got a gorgeous Vex Latex bodysuit that I feel so sexy and commanding in. My black Anoeses leather corset is another favorite. I’m coveting a few Lady Lucie Latex and Sian Hoffman Corset pieces that I’m sure will trump my entire collection.
Is there anything that always makes you feel powerful and grounded in your body?
Hearing men beg and whimper. Fine dining. Intense cardio.
What do you like to do outside of work? Do you have any hobbies or special interests?
I love to stay active: cycling, kickboxing, and being terrible at surfing. Live music, foodie tours, fashion, wandering NYC or New Orleans on a nice day, collecting vinyl records, women’s basketball, film, NYT Sunday crosswords.
My favorite everyday pleasure is: Cuddling with my dog, good coffee, and great olive oil.
My favourite album is: Currently – “The Rise & Fall of Ziggy Stardust” or Love & Rockets’ “Seventh Dream of Teenage Heaven”.
The way for a client to win me over is: Follow through and consistency, incredible food, concert tickets, travel, and shoes.
I’m weirdly attracted to: Beetlejuice was my first crush. Currently: Tom Wambsgans from Succession.
My ultimate weakness is: Caviar and cute dogs.
My favorite scent is: Freshly bloomed Southern Magnolias.
My social handles are: Insta: @the.zoey.belladonna twitter: @z_belladonna
Want to meet New York Dominatrix Zoey Belladonna in person?
Head over to her profiles! 👇👇👇
