Welcome back to our interview series, A Tryst With... Today, we're chatting with New York Dominatrix, Salem Succubus.
TW: sexual assault
We’d love to know a little of your backstory - how did you get here and what do you do?
From a very young age I was a freak: I remember laying in bed and having kidnapping, bondage, and sissification fantasies. These quickly became fantasies of being a girl, having a machine that I could step into to turn me into a girl. followed by a sort of Mistress to teach me how to dress etc. Now I get to live out a lot of those same fantasies!
Before I got into sex work, I was a photographer and did a lot of self portraiture to document and explore my transness. A lot of the self portraiture was exploring kink and eventually led to me wanting to capture myself masturbating. So from there it was an easy next step to making porn and starting an OnlyFans.
When I started exploring kink, I was initially only submissive. I knew that I wanted to do in-person sex work but that I didn’t want to sub professionally. It was very intuitive to reverse the roles, I knew what I look for in a domme and found that I really enjoy being the dominant during a scene. Now I do it professionally.
Can you tell us about your journey to professional BDSM? What was your training like?
Kink was (and is) something that I used to help me process my sexual trauma. I started heavily exploring at a time when I would have flashbacks anytime I would have sex and my friend suggested I go to see a domme. That session helped me to deal with my flashbacks. I had felt powerless over them and had one during our session. While the domme held me she told me, ‘those people have hurt us but we can choose to not let them hurt us anymore,’ and asked me what my younger self would think of me now. Ever since then I rarely have flashbacks during sex, and that session is what inspired me to get into professional BDSM. To be able to provide an experience in which the submissive is able to heal in ways that were previously thought of as ‘impossible’, whether or not they are aware of that.
What are some of your favourite kinds of sessions?
I absolutely love any session with sissification. For me it’s about creating a space in which my sub can explore gender variance in the presence of another person. To allow them to express their gender or another gender that they may not be able to outside of kink scenes. The trust that my sub must have to share this part of themselves with me is always something I’m grateful for, and I always want to honor that. Maybe they are experiencing gender euphoria. Even if my sub can’t put a name to why they desire sissification but they know they enjoy it and that’s what matters: to facilitate an experience in which they can feel the elation that this gender presentation brings in the presence of another, and to be seen as another.
You say, 'BDSM can be a way to explore iterations of the self'. We’d love to hear more about what that experience can be like!
BDSM to me is about taking a part or parts of ourselves and blowing them up to be our entire existence in this nonlinear moment of time. This might include aspects of ourselves that may be buried and that we often do not fully understand. I prefer to not investigate where my kinks might stem from, although some may be obvious to me or others. Being a sadist does not mean that you move through the world always desiring to inflict pain and being a masochist does not mean always desiring pain. In a scene we can iterate ourselves, to create a new self based on a singular desire. Creating a scene to allow our desire to inflict pain to become a vessel of sadism.
How do you deal with the emotional and physiological highs and lows of domination? (top drop, etc) What kinds of aftercare do you provide to yourself?
It depends on the session. Sometimes a session can be exhausting, and other times I really enjoy the session and don’t feel a need for any sort of aftercare for myself. I write about all of my sessions to process my feelings and whatever I may have taken on during the session. This, for me, is the most important part of my aftercare. I’m having a piece of writing being published in Spasm Magazine about my first in-person client, gender, and sobriety. Being a trans woman, there’s often so much more going on between myself and a client. Maybe they themselves are trans and haven’t realized it yet, or maybe they’re simply fetishizing me and it’s very apparent during the session. The ways in which a client may connect with my transness often are clear to me and I have to remind myself that it isn’t my burden to take on. That by providing this session for them, I have most likely given them a place in which to explore. I’m also often asked to do things for clients that feel directly in opposition to my existence, or that I would find completely degrading to my own womanhood and setting those boundaries is extremely necessary for myself and for the client.
What’s a fetish you love to explore with clients? Do you have any fetishes yourself?
Any fetishes myself? Give me a minute to write them all out, at this point I can’t keep track. Typically I’m very focussed on impact, degradation, and humiliation. I have a huge soft spot for puppy and kitty girls, nothing brings me quite as much joy as putting a girl on a leash!
How does your trans identity intersect with your BDSM work?
When I started my Onlyfans, initially I wasn’t sure how much of my body I wanted to show on the internet. I had a lot of bottom dysphoria around the time I started. Making porn changed all of that for me. Performing for the camera helped to show me what it was to enjoy this part of myself. I soon lost all sense of that dysphoria, and now I love being a woman with a dick! BDSM specifically has shown me how much my body is capable of, especially when I’m subbing. To see how much my body is able to transform pain into pleasure helps me to feel intensely connected to my body.
Has your gender expression changed since you started sex work?
My gender expression has not changed much since I started sex work. Before, I would wear harnesses, spikes, leather, and boots and that is very much part of my work. I’m a leatherdyke and that certainly hasn’t changed. If anything, I’ve simply leaned more into that and own a lot more leather.
Do you find yourself dealing with dysphoria while working? What does that look like for you?
Sometimes wearing a wig can make me dysphoric. Getting my head tattooed has granted me so much euphoria and it feels like it’s always been there, so I recently decided to share images of myself without a wig on. I love being able to embody powerful transfemininity with and without a wig, but I feel most myself without. I’ve been working to lean more into myself as a Dominatrix, and while I do love having hair, my head tattoo will always be me at my core.
Do you find that there is a type of client who seeks you out, who you really enjoy seeing?
I find most of my inquiries are clients looking for sissification, and I love that! I know a lot of trans women who don’t enjoy this, but I remember a time in which I didn’t know who to turn to when it came to exploring my own gender variance. To be clear: sissification and transness are certainly different things but can share a lot of overlaps. They are both about the transformation of gender. I love being able to provide an experience in which gender can be explored, especially for people who may have never had the chance to do so in front of another person before.
How do you spend your time outside of work?
I spend my time writing, learning to tattoo, and in harm reduction communities. I often go to punk shows, and get tattooed several times a month. Right now I’m nearly finished with my backpiece: a reaper embracing a trans woman. My favorite bands at the moment are Melissa and Pure Terror!
Is there a book, blog, tv show, or movie that has had a major impact on your life? (feel free to geek out about it!)
McKenzie Wark’s Reverse Cowgirl has probably been the single most impactful book or piece of media to my life. A mix of auto-theory and porn, it explores the phenomena of coming out to yourself, and looking back on your life at all the moments you were trans before you realized it. Except McKenzie laces this with smut, ecstasy, and fishnets. I’ve read it only twice, but my copy is covered in highlights, notes in the margins, and sticky notes. I write in all my books and am extremely reluctant to lend copies to friends for fear of losing my notes.
My favorite color is: I love lavender, but I pretty much only wear black because, duh.
The most exciting thing I have ever done is: Inject myself with estradiol valerate.
A movie I can watch over and over without ever getting tired of is: Bound: I can never get over Gina Gershon driving Jennifer Tilly in that red ‘63 Chevy!
The secret to getting to know me is: Ask me what book I’m reading and you’ll hear me nerd out about it.
My greatest turn-on is: Pain!
Twitter: salem6succubus
Instagram: salem.succubus
Bluesky: salemsuccubus.bsky.social
Want to meet New York Dominatrix Salem Succubus in person?
Head over to her profile! 👇👇👇
