It's time for our sex worker interview series 'A Tryst With...' and today we're interviewing Minneapolis Domme Mona Notte. Join us as we chat about activism, censorship, and madam Lulu White!
What’s your story? How did you get started as a sex worker and activist and how’s it going?
I’ve always been particularly driven by sex and intimacy. As a small child, I was accidentally exposed to some late night smut on TV and was entranced by the pretty ladies and dazzling scenarios. I remember thinking as a 13-year-old, “I would love to be a porn star,” inspired by HBO’s Real Sex, Cathouse, and Bunny Ranch TV programs. That option was always in my back pocket if my other pursuits fell flat (which they often did).
I started my activism as a peer sex educator in high school, and got into community organizing at age 18, mainly in the reproductive health and HIV prevention education spaces. I got really excited to do this work as I was radicalized in college, where I studied International Relations, Music, and eventually, Public Policy.
Navigating mainstream employment in my field, which was primarily nonprofits and government programs, was difficult as someone who a) felt very “different” in these spaces and b) grew into wanting to dismantle these systems that employed me.
I started doing sex work while living in Seattle and working for a very toxic nonprofit that had billions of dollars in an endowment, yet paid me beneath the median income level – even with a Bachelor’s Degree. At that time, Craigslist Personals was alive and well, and had a lot of easy virtual gigs (sexy selfies, sexting, etc.) that I tapped into during cash shortages. Eventually, I found camming and became a cam girl as my official side hustle. In grad school, I was working two jobs, had student loans, and was still struggling to make ends meet, so I started escorting. After years of being a girlfriend experience provider, I finally found my specialty as a Pro Domme and have comfortably relocated to the midwest where I practice FemDom, fetish play, and BDSM more broadly.
My activism is multi-faceted and overlaps with sex workers’ rights, harm reduction, mutual aid, and sexual freedom. I participate in giving circles (like New Moon Giving Circle), policy advocacy with national and local coalitions, and volunteer some of my skills in nonprofit management and grant writing to sex worker-led groups doing cool shit.
Sex workers often experience different kinds of discrimination, is there anything in particular you wish people knew the full impact of?
There is a trifecta of sanctions that society puts sex workers through, namely stigma, discrimination, and censorship. I wish people really understood the degree to which our free speech and expression is censored in the USA. Censorship affects everyone, but sex workers are uniquely targeted, deplatformed, and erased from mainstream content in a way that is extremely disturbing. Corporations, government entities, and institutions of all sizes are complicit in the obscuration of expression of sexuality, gender diversity, and institutional dissent. We really are not free to speak, write, advertise, negotiate, converse, or express artistically the whole of our identities.
What has sex work taught you about yourself?
Sex work continues to teach me a lot about myself, including how I show up in the world and how I am perceived. I became better at setting boundaries through sex work, and I realized that I am an entrepreneur through my years of navigating the industry. The work really has been a journey of self discovery for which I am grateful.
Why do you think it is important for sex work to be decriminalized, not just legalized? How would it change the way you are able to work?
I think there is a lot that the sex workers’ rights movement has to unpack about decrim vs. legalization. I think there needs to be elements of both decrim & legalization in order to do the things we want, such as implementing workplace and class protections. We [the movement] won’t necessarily get everything on our collective laundry list without some civil legal infrastructure (in my opinion).
However, I think decrim as a concept and as a reality is important across many social justice movements, not just sex workers’ rights. Decriminalize poverty. Decriminalize mental illness. Decriminalize Drag, BDSM, being Queer, and being “other.”
Decrim will not change the fact that thick brown people get booked less and at a lesser pay rate than white people: so in that regard, it may not impact my business model immediately.
However, I do believe decriminalization would positively affect most sex workers, especially those of us on the margins who are most at risk of coming into contact with the criminal-legal system, who tend to be street-based workers, migrant and undocumented workers, and trans women of color.
What is one book/author you wish non-workers would read?
One book I wish everybody, regardless of industry, would read is The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir. It’s a thick boi, but if you can make it through even a couple chapters, your whole view on gender may change, as mine did.
Can you share a little about your experience of being a POC sex worker? What's it like for you at that intersection? How do your identities affect each other?
Being a POC sex worker, especially a fat one, has meant that my literal value in the industry is less than my thin, white peers. It’s harder for me to find gigs because I’m in the nichest of niche categories. It’s harder for me to charge a rate that feels good to me because “the market” dictates that I charge a certain amount based on my skin color and body type. It’s a really interesting social experiment seeing this dynamic play out, this literal racism and fatphobia, and I consider myself extremely privileged to be able to generate income other ways than solely in this industry. I really don’t think I would survive on sex work alone, and it’s largely because of how I look. I think that’s why being a Domme has felt so good to lean into, because I am in control here in a way that didn’t quite manifest in other adult roles.
Where do you draw inspiration from in your BDSM practice?
I identify as a contemporary of the Madames that held houses for wandering and battered women, and acted as protectors for the industry. I draw direct inspiration from Lulu White, a mixed-race, Caribbean and white Madame famous for her entrepreneurial and philanthropic spirit. I am very much a nurturing Dominatrix, able to craft high-quality experiences for those looking to be freed of the mundane and the tedium. I offer a safe space to explore and challenge the expectations that society places on us.
How do you deal with the emotional and physiological highs and lows of domination? What kinds of aftercare do you provide to yourself?
For me, domination is a fun little adrenaline rush followed by a calm euphoria. After sessions, I like to take long, hot showers and treat myself to some cannabis. If my sub is good, he’ll bring some to the session as a tribute of gratitude.
Is there a book, blog, tv show, or movie that you’re into at the moment? Why?
I am currently watching Jessica Jones and other Marvel universe TV shows, partially to catch up with pop culture, and partially to indulge in the drama. Plus, everyone is super hot and mostly in fetish wear in the MCU, so it’s a real fun universe to get immersed in.
Are there any advocacy groups or charitable organizations that you'd like us to give a shout-out to?
I have to say, there are so many sex worker-led nonprofit and charitable organizations doing amazing things all over the country; from direct services to advocacy to making cool art. Our movement is poppin! I personally would like to shout out The Cupcake Girls, who do direct services with survivors of trafficking and sex workers alike, in Oregon, Nevada, and the west coast broadly.
I’d also like to shout out New Moon Network, who are doing some amazing things in this space to support individuals, organizations, and coalitions fighting for sex worker rights and safety, and also helping Philanthropy understand and connect to our movement..
The SWCSL (Sex Worker Community Support Line) is also a great resource for crisis and jail-related support for sex workers and survivors of all kinds. They can be reached anytime at 877-776-2004 or by chat at swcsl.org.
One of my everyday hobbies is: I’ve recently started Burlesque! Though it feels very much like sex work, it’s allowed me to tap into artistry that feels very generative and fun.
I’m weirdly attracted to: Big, hairy hands and people who play Dungeons & Dragons.
My favourite work outfit is: I love my corset blazer and PVC pencil skirt, paired with some shiny boots and some dark red lipstick – everything I need to feel powerful.
A TV show I can watch over and over without ever getting tired of is: I surprisingly cannot get sick of watching Modern Family, it’s probably my favorite show.
If you want to win my heart you must: Send me a tip on cashapp! $monanotte
Want to meet Minneapolis Domme Mona Notte in person?
Head over to her profile! 👇👇👇
