Thank you for joining us for our sex worker interview series, 'A Tryst With...' Today we're speaking with Minneapolis Dom Praxis Xaddy about being trauma informed, sci fi, and fruit kink!
How did you get into the industry and what does your journey look like so far?
I did lifestyle kink for a while and realized I got a lot of satisfaction from creating scenes that were focused on growth, exploration, and healing and really tailored to my scene partner’s goals and desires. I noticed a gap in the professional offerings in the Twin Cities of a trauma informed provider with a holistic focus (which is not to say the other fabulous doms in my area don’t do those things, but it’s not their niche), so I decided to hang out a shingle.
What has sex work taught you about yourself?
Oh gosh, so much. I’ve learned a lot about how I related to capitalism and money and how I interact with strangers. Going from zero to 60 on the intimacy scale in 90 minutes is no joke. Being aware of what I bring into the scene and what is weighing on my heart, allows me to enter that space and really be zeroed in on giving the laser focused attention that a good kink scene requires. It’s definitely helped motivate me to build my self awareness and mindfulness skills. It’s been a huge gift in that way.
What is it like navigating sex work and sex working spaces as a trans non binary person?
With a little extra focus on communicating who I am and what I offer, not too hard. I am just finishing up my recovery after top surgery and haven’t had new photos taken, so currently I am doing a little extra communicating with prospective clients so they know what my body is like. But my recurring clients have no trouble understanding who I am after seeing how I embody the role of Sir. They realize very quickly the ways I’m both masculine and feminine, and while I’m not really looking for gender validation from clients, it's cool to see that all of my regulars totally get it.
You say that you incorporate your knowledge of spirituality, sexuality, and physiology into your Dom work. Can you tell us about this, and how you combine these aspects into sessions?
These are some of my favorite parts of play. I think that I focus a lot on how different body shapes feel to people and what all that evokes. If someone is kneeling in front of me, what is their history with that pose? Were they raised Catholic and kneeled in church every week? Were they raised in a tradition that didn’t? What history and associations does someone have with chanting a mantra or rote response with questions, to begging or confessing, to incense? Is someone carrying any shame into the scene, or not so much? All of those play huge roles in my scenes.
Some poses activate our nervous systems in different ways. Really light touch is very activating and can induce fear or even panic, which can be fun to play with. I have all sorts of grounding techniques that I use at different points of the scene to bring the temperature down. I might sync my breathing to the clients and then slow it down slightly, they’ll usually follow suit subconsciously; that sort of thing can have a huge impact on the feeling of a scene. I might then ramp things back up, I might end the scene that way, or I might use grounding as aftercare. I time my post scene check-ins based on how endorphins are cleared from the body. All of that knowledge really helps me create a safe and gentle space for my clients to experience the loss of control they are looking for.
Can you tell us about trauma-informed kink in a professional setting?
The trauma informed piece is so huge for me. Almost everyone in this world has trauma, whether they know it or not, so I find that using trauma informed practices as my baseline is just good practice. Kink is so much about creating a controlled loss of control, so making sure that I have created a safe container is vital. I start my scenes with check-ins, safe word practice, and just generally try to create space for the client to share holistically about who they are and what they bring into the scene. Obviously, discussing and avoiding triggers is big, but way more important is finding things that make the client feel safe – I have a whole menu of types of touch from various modalities that clients can choose from – so that I can turn the temperature up or down as needed. I also try to make it clear to clients that they don’t need to be trying to break their record each visit, whether that’s in terms of impact placement, size of toys, etc. It’s ok to want a playful exploratory scene.
If someone has high key trauma that they feel is going to be at the forefront during the scene, I take a very slow approach and collect a lot of information before the scene. I focus on bodily attunement and using my own physicality to subtly influence the client, which can be as simple as changing the pressure with which I am touching the client, giving them a little more or less space, etc. I also offer coaching sessions by video chat which I can use as standalone discussion sessions for lifestyle kink folks, or they can be pre or post scene debriefing sessions. It adds a lot of flexibility for holding the client’s emotions.
What kind of clients seek you out, and what are they looking for?
I seek out clients who are interested in self exploration and growth. Especially queer clients but not exclusively. I find that people who seek me out are often going through some kind of transition or self discovery.
What’s a fetish you love to explore with clients? Do you have any fetishes yourself?
I’ll start by saying my definition of a fetish is something you find sexy even in unsexy contexts.
My personal big two fetishes are hypnosis/mind control and fruit/eco kink. I do a lot of hypno play in my lifestyle kink life, and absolutely love taking a bite of a big juicy peach or raspberry at a sexy moment.
I love all sorts of fetishes with clients! Piss, blood, tickling, panties, stockings. Wet and messy play is an absolute favorite, I’ve thrown many a whipped cream pie at a poor helpless victim, absolutely top tier.
Do you have a pre or post session routine?
Pre session I usually put on some hype up music, like Doja Cat or Queens of the Stone Age. I make sure I have all the equipment I will need in easy reach, that I know the flow of my scene plan, and generally feel confident about delivering the experience I have planned. Post scene I like to go out in public if I can, kind of reconnect with the everyday world. I often go to the upscale grocery store and get a fun beverage, lol.
What’s the proudest moment of your career?
I would say that the moments that make me proud are when I can see a client settled more deeply into their body, whether that’s the big sigh at the end of a coaching session where they connected some dots, or the sense of relaxation that comes after a long spanking session. That makes me feel like I’m doing what I’m trying to do.
I’m also pretty proud of some times that I’ve declined working with a client when I felt that they were using kink in self destructive ways.
What do you get up to when you’re not working? What are your hobbies or special interests?
I’m a huge gardener at home and at community gardens. I volunteer with my neighborhood’s environmental justice org, helping them maintain beautiful green space in my underserved neighborhood. I love cooking, I’ve been on an heirloom bean kick. I love going to the dog park with my dog or hiking with her. And I love spending time with my family and friends.
Is there a piece of media or text that has had a major impact on your life? (feel free to geek out about it!)
Gosh, I love Sci-fi: N.K. Jemisin, Nnedi Okorafor, Octavia Butler, and maybe most dearly Ann Leckie. I just read her short story collection which absolutely took my breath away. Beautiful meditations on grief, organizing, integrity, and more. I find her work very, very grounding.
Are there any advocacy groups or charitable organizations that you'd like us to give a shout-out to?
Here in Minnesota I’m a huge fanboy of REP for MN, which is a group working towards creating a police free future. They run a peer support hotline and workshops that help people create neighbor pods so they have people to call in crisis that aren’t the police. Thank you for the work you’re doing REP!!!!!
My favorite everyday pleasure is: Oh gosh, I can’t pick just one. A walk in a beautiful place on a beautiful day with my dog. An ice cold glass of water. Good bread with good olive oil. A steak salad with blue cheese.
We'll get along if: You’re a good communicator and like listening to me talk about plants.
My favorite food is: Right now, pistachio ice cream.
The most interesting piece of trivia I know is: There is a type of bean that was found in a 2,000 year old cave archeological site in Mexico. It matches a bean still grown in the area. All the time those beans were sitting in that cave, their people were still stewarding and caring for them generation after generation.
My favourite kink implement is: A good old fashioned blindfold. Changes the scene in such a profound way.
Want to meet Minneapolis Dom Praxis Xaddy in person?
Head over to t profile! 👇👇👇
