Hello and welcome back to our provider interview series 'A Tryst With...' We're so happy to have you! Today we're catching up with Miami escort Mistress Mei.
What has your path looked like on your journey to where you are now in sex work and activism?
When I started out in the industry I was 19 years old, had just been kicked out by my mother, and had $200 to my name. It was 2011. Back then you had to wait a month for a paycheck and I couldn’t wait that long. At that time there was still so much stigma that I felt forced to live in silence about how I was covering my bills. That isolation is so debilitating, and I found myself looking for community. I found that in the racial justice movement, however I learned that it was wrought with whorephobia, even on the left. In 2020 myself and other sex workers were taking cash from our purses and handing it over to our comrades for bail and yet were still being talked over and looked over. They didn’t wanna hear about our struggles, struggles that BIPOC sex workers never get to escape and never get to talk about. I sought to change that. I started the organization Decrim 305 and forced myself into every room. I fought to have the voices of sex workers be uplifted and prioritized. We’re still fighting for the mic and a seat at the table, but now people have no choice but to see us.
What's one change you would like to see happen within the sex industry?
I would love to see the landscape of the porn industry change in terms of how adult entertainers are treated and financed. We’re seeing the actors and writers unions standing up right now and adult entertainers also deserve to have their likeness protected, receive royalties from their movies, and protections against AI. These tube sites make millions off one video and yet the performer was paid a one time flat fee. It’s not equitable at all. I would also like to see the decriminalization of sex work in its entirety. It is essential to ensure the protection of the most vulnerable members of our society, particularly Black Trans sex workers and migrant sex workers, who are often denied access to life-saving resources and subjected to criminalization.
Have you had any personal experiences with censorship online that you feel comfortable sharing?
I have definitely experienced my fair share of digital discrimination, just as the majority of sex workers have. Especially when speaking about the oppression and discrimination sex workers experience. One thing in particular that comes to mind is recently when I called out non sex worker pole instructors for continuously appropriating from an industry that was invented and popularized by Black women. The ways in which non sex workers want to dress like us, act like us and cosplay us while also escaping the stigma and discrimination is abhorrent. The amount of non sex workers that leaped to defend fit pole Becky’s was a riot. It’s amazing how many people will say ‘Sex work is work’ and then tell a whore to shut up when they don’t like what we say.
Whorephobia is a big issue built on a lot of small issues, its effects are often cumulative. What do you feel are the impacts of whorephobia, both for yourself and the community?
I recently started seeing a therapist and it was going well until we finally hit a roadblock. She had me read this self help book and I was thrown off by a specific line, “children who are sexually abused become prostitutes”. I told her this sort of rhetoric is inherently whorephobic because studies are not making these connections with other forms of labor. Nobody is doing a study about sexually abused children becoming telemarketers or baristas. She became defensive and failed to see my point of view, continuing with, “I have sex worker friends, family etc”. I said that’s great but at the end of the day you’re not a sex worker and you’re speaking over a sex worker who’s paying you to listen to them. That’s whorephobia! Sex workers are forced into silence and isolation and when we seek resources we’re retraumatized. We end up giving out free labor to those who are tasked to “help” us. It’s a special kind of hell that isn’t taken seriously. This is why we’ve had to continuously make our own spaces. It’s exhausting and we desperately need to change this for the wellbeing of all sex workers.
What are 3 things allies can do to help reduce stigma?
Number one I think allies should be uplifting and sharing our work. Our voices should always be prioritized first and foremost. Secondly, speaking out against whorephobia when you hear it is crucial. Don’t let the dead hooker joke slide, language absolutely fuels the hatred towards us. Thirdly, I would say actively including us in everything, your events, festivals, conferences etc. If sex workers aren’t in the room, ask yourself why and change that.
Is there anyone you'd recommend allies follow to help in their education around sex work?
Absolutely cannot recommend these sex work educators enough: @onlypomma, @stripperwriter, @raanibegum, @comeongaryneedsanewpairofshoes, and Adrie Rose. They’re all offering really comprehensive and extensive education on the issues sex workers are facing.
How have sites like OnlyFans changed the way you work?
I think at first it did change the way I worked. I took a break from in person work for a couple years, this was pre pandemic. Then the pandemic hit and online became oversaturated due to the collective socio-economic struggles the globe was facing. This was followed by stricter guidelines on OF and other creator sites. All of sudden you had to make yourself a celebrity in order to make ends meet. I got into sex work because I was a hell of an entertainer and I needed fast cash now. It’s laborious physically but the steps involved are far less than that of online sex work. I found the amount of labor involved in order to make the money I needed wasn’t worth it. I made it to the top 10% and then like Icarus, I burnt out. I found in person work to be more satisfying personally.
How do you navigate making content that feels true to you while also being marketable?
The way my brain works I have to be interested in the things I create. Cosplay was a niche that made sense to me because it allowed me to be creative with the content I made as well as catering to a specific demographic. Clients can pick what costume they want to see me in depending on the outfits I have in rotation. Have you ever thought about what it was like to be with Harley Quinn or a Starfleet officer? Well you can realize it with me! My advice to other entertainers is to tap into the things you love or are interested in and combine it with your working persona. Everybody knows me as ‘Big Tiddy Cosplay girl’ (lol) and I love that!
What are some of your favorite things about being a BBW provider?
The billion dollar beauty industry has so many of us believing what’s the perfect body, the perfect face etc. Sex workers are definitely affected by this. I remember being a young sex worker trying to make sure I stayed skinny because I don’t know how many times I was told I couldn’t make money if I was fat. Which isn’t true! Fatphobia is another ‘ism’ so entrenched in our society it has believing the darndest things. As an Asian-Latin person I have always experienced weight fluctuations and the latin community especially is fatphobic. There’s no hi, hello, it’s “estas poniendo gordita” (you’re getting fat). You hear this your whole life and think there's something wrong with you. I met so many BBW adult entertainers and dominatrixes that were living their best life, and I thought ‘why am I holding myself back?’ The day I started to reject fatphobia was the day I started taking back my narrative. I love being a BBW provider because I’ve helped so many people stop hating their bodies, even my clients. My body is so powerful!
What is your favorite part of sex work culture? What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of sex work culture? What communities, people, places, and memories are important to you as a sex worker?
My favorite part of sex work culture is us. I absolutely love us. There is no community more supportive and involved. The support and love we offer to each other is unmatched. I’ll never forget this year’s XBIZ Miami creator awards in which every single sex worker offered their support to every creator, and the love and admiration every creator had for us. I definitely cried. So many of us have experienced hatred, discrimination, being kicked out for being queer. Nobody loves sex workers more than sex workers.
Can you tell us more about cosplay? Do you have a favorite character?
Many people don’t know that I’m autistic and my special interest is Fandoms. I started cosplaying at 15 and just loved how I felt in a costume. Later in my career, I began to integrate it with sex work because I found it spoke to so many people. Many of my clients are also comic book nerds and I love that! Every time I see a client, we’re catching up on the latest Marvel project. It’s a nice way to make connections with people. My absolute favorite cosplay will always be The Scarlet Witch, she is just such a powerful and emotionally driven character. I identify heavily with her and her story.
What else do you love to geek out on? Why?
I’m actually a huge coffee nerd as well. I love reading about the science of coffee, different techniques. I even had a minor career in coffee and have been to the Specialty Coffee Expo a few times, participating as a judges assistant. I am a black coffee drinker through and through. If I don’t have my daily cold brew I can’t function!
I’m weirdly attracted to: girls with crossed eyes. I don’t know, I just think it’s so cute.
My most irrational fear is: being abducted by aliens. I want to believe!
For me, the best part of sex is: collaborating. I love exploring each other and finding what we’re both into.
A social cause I care about is: Besides sex worker rights, which I’m obviously very passionate about, I will always have a soft spot for animal rights. I’ve literally jumped in front of cars multiple times trying to save dogs from being hit.
My social handles are:
Twitter: @miamimelons and @multiverseofmei
Instagram: @multiverseofmei
Tik Tok: @multiverseofmei
Website: www.multiverseofmei.com
