Hello, and welcome to our sex worker interview series, 'A Tryst With...' Today, we're joined by Los Angeles FBSM provider Lux Cosmo!
How did you get into the industry and what does your journey look like so far?
I first started in Toronto, Canada, when I was 19 years old. I answered a Craigslist ad that asked “Do you want to make more money than you’ve ever dreamed of?” Obviously I said DUH!, and went over there immediately.
The first couple of years were a bit strange because I really enjoyed it [the work] a lot, but I didn’t really connect to many of my colleagues, as they were often inebriated and I was sober. Early in my career, I really learned about maintaining healthy boundaries, setting consistent work hours, and discerning when – and when not – to put myself out there. You have to protect your energy.
In LA, it’s a whole different world when it comes to sex work, there are so many spectrums. For example, it is quite normal for people to go to WeHo (West Hollywood) for erotic massage, there is in fact a large percentage of male bodyworkers in that area who specialize in it. This was surprising to me, and I was so happy to be in Los Angeles and to experience the vast colorful array that queer communities provide here. You can go to Silverlake and hop over to the West Side, and it’s like two different realities of the LGBTQIA experience. I love the variety of locales here.
You’ve been working with healing and bodies for some time, how did you come to this field? How did it translate into your sex work?
I’ve been devoted to my studies of various healing modalities and have been getting certifications since I was in my early twenties, and still do to this day.
I learned early on that the separation between sensuality and healing is non-existent. People can create judgments around sensuality and healing, which creates a mental divide, but the dichotomy isn’t actually real.
It is not so black and white when it comes to deconstructing what is sexual healing and what is energy healing. Healing is healing, sexual and energy healing are one and the same, just in different shades.
You mention ‘connection’ as a motivator, and your practice of healing seems to center on this. Can you speak on the way that connection drives your work? How does it motivate you IRL?
Connection is everything!
We have so many thoughts, feelings, emotions, generational belief systems and traumas that sometimes don’t even belong to us. It’s incredibly important to sweep all of that out mentally, physically, and energetically, to really connect to each other on a soul level.
Part of what sets me apart from other practitioners is that there is a whole energetic excavation process before I even lay my hands on a client, as it is very important that the vibration is reset, so to speak, before we begin body-to-body contact. I also put a lot of care into my own energetic practice, as it’s crucial for me in order to help people with their own practice.
What is your favorite mode for this connection? What is your ideal session?
I first start by sitting down with the client and doing a consult. What are your desires and fears? What would you like to work on? I get a feel for other underlying issues going on during this initial time together. Then I guide them to a bed or massage table, where they lay down and after their body settles, I run a specialized technique of pressure points along their head.
This technique is called BARS, and is a gentle cranial acupressure technique that relaxes the body, mind, and spirit, and allows the body to release deeply subconscious narratives to the surface. Stress, trauma, intensities of any kind get released during this time and the brain receives an opportunity to build neuroplasticity during this time.
Afterwards, I help them integrate with a guided meditation grounding technique called DVM, which connects them to the ley lines in the earth, clearing out all the energy debris that was kicked up from the acupressure. Along with this, there is a color therapy chakra-cleansing and breathing method I practice, which sends all negative and unwanted energy to the earth's core. Why would we keep energy that no longer serves us? You see, the Earth actually wants all of our human emotions, both negative and positive, as it can be recycled and internalized in order to renew and heal the planet.
Lastly, there is a deep breathing technique we flow through as I begin to place my hands on their body, moving up and down in languid, slow strokes with warm oil.
Is there something you didn't expect going into the industry?
I wasn’t expecting so many people to be divided when I first started. I genuinely expected there would be more community spaces where different workers could connect to each other, but at the time, it seemed like everyone was a lone wolf. Now it’s very different. I definitely see there is a possibility of having more of a community around you, and am witnessing the growth of new community.
Has your work influenced your sexuality or the way you view sexuality?
Oh yes. I definitely see that the spectrum is very vast when it comes to people’s sexuality. For example, a man may want to engage in sexual activity with a man or a woman, but will only date women. The same can be true with women. Or a client I’ve known for years will all of a sudden decide they are ready to shift over their sexual desire completely, and for that continuing period of their life are only interested in one specific gender.
Have you found acceptance as a sex worker in the queer community? Have you found belonging in the queer sex work community?
It’s not uncommon for gay massage therapists to be more open about their sex work here in WeHo, but that’s a very community specific thing, I feel. There is still plenty of stigma directed towards sex workers. Perhaps some people only accept someone if they do Onlyfans, but not escorting or vice versa. But I feel it’s pretty normalized in the queer community. I do find that outside of just the male escorts, the trans and femme queer community tend to be a bit more open-minded, and celebrate each other more. But again this is just my observation and isn’t the truth for everyone.
What has sex work taught about beauty standards, bodies, and attraction?
That none of it is real! We come into this life naked and just giggling, laughing, and crying with no belief systems projected onto us. Then, out of nowhere everyone is saying “what do you want to be when you grow up?” and “Here’s a list of standards.” Blah blah blah and “this is what it’s like to be masculine” and “this is what it’s like to be feminine”, yada yada. Don’t even get me started about being a gay man. That’s like being in the fifth circle of hell when it comes to beauty standards.
I wish in our culture we spoke of ‘refining’ instead of standards. There is an elegance and beauty in refining oneself. Standards force people to be one-dimensional and dead inside. Where is the art of recognizing your soul's beauty? A refining process can be done bit by bit, without putting the pressure upon yourself to ‘fix’ something. Or deeming something to be wrong about yourself just because it doesn’t fit into an industry standard, or please someone else's eyes. It’s so much judgment it makes me want to vomit.
When I first got into this work I had so many things that I was disassembling in my body, mind, and spirit around these topics especially when it came to the standards of what I’d be attracted to. I had a sugar daddy at one time in my life. He wasn’t what I thought I’d be attracted to when I was 19. However, he was so attractive to me, and I believe that was the Aha! moment for me– when I realized muscles etc, aren’t what makes me attracted to you. Emotional intelligence and awareness to me is beyond sexy. I didn’t have a term for it at the time, but that’s what was happening.
What do you think the public should know about the sex industry? Is there anything you think the general public should learn from sex workers?
The general public should know that most people have done sex work, or are presently doing it. Stereotypes aren’t helpful, for us or the wider public. The push to make our work dirty is such an old paradigm. I believe asking us empathetic, inquisitive and compassionate questions is a great way to learn about us and the work we do.
Do you have any tips for someone approaching you for a session?
Always approach me from a place of respect. Please make sure you thoroughly read my entire profile, my rates– don’t just look at my photos and then contact me. You have to remember that, as a client, you are paying for a service. This is a JOB and paying for my services and time does not entitle you to override my boundaries. Just because you are horny doesn’t mean I’m automatically going to do whatever you want. It is my body and my sacred energy.
What are your hobbies and interests outside of work?
Music! I love singing, writing lyrics, and producing. If I can get behind a DAW (digital audio workstation) with Ableton or whatever programs are open, I can figure it out. I love collaborating with other musical minded people as well. I equally love performing, touring, and the studio. I love to go on short and long runs depending on my mood that day. My yoga practice happens every day and for at least 10-15 mins if I can’t get a full 30-45. Cooking is a lot of fun for me, I’ve been cooking for myself my whole life. I enjoy mixing different types of Middle-Eastern herbs into dishes from savory to desserts. I also love Herbs de’ Provence, baking potatoes in that makes me want to cum just thinking about it. Herbalism– learning how different herbs affect the body and making teas and tinctures out of them. I enjoy learning new healing modalities/techniques and am constantly researching and trying out which ones I can imbue into my daily practice and also with clients.
Is there a book, blog, tv show, or movie that you’re into at the moment? Why?
The Peripheral. It’s an amazing TV series about time travel. Maaaaan, there was a music blog called Popjustice that was online and I followed it religiously for a couple of years, but it only has a post once a year now. I also love-love-love Sailor Moon. The deep interwoven story and cosmology within the character’s names translating into what the planets represent is beyond. I love a movie called Stardust, it makes for a very interesting dialogue around vampirism towards ‘stars’ which reminds me of the empath /narcissist dynamic. The narcissist cannot survive without the energy of the empath or ‘the light’.
I’m currently reading the book How To Do Nothing by Jenny Odell, and I love it. It’s wild how so much of our culture is about attention-seeking from the lens projected onto us of how we should conduct ourselves. It’s wild how most of us aren’t supported to just exist, be ourselves, and express ourselves authentically. This replication of other people’s standards does not mean we are empowering each other.
My favorite piece of trivia is: “Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.” – Albert Einstein
I get a big thrill out of: Consciousness.
The most exciting thing I have ever done is: Doing this interview. :) Every day is a new adventure.
In the future, I plan to: Not give a fuck 100%.
We'll get along if: You respect my boundaries and LISTEN.
My ultimate bucket list dream adventure is: To create a self-sustaining world.
A social cause I care about is: Teaching people how to uplift each other and support each other.
Socials: @thecosmicdaddy
Twitter: @LuxXCosmo
Photos: @scarlettsovrn and @LuxCosmoExtra help and encouragement came from @venus.sophia
Want to meet Los Angeles FBSM provider Lux Cosmo in person?
Head over to his profile! 👇👇👇
