Thanks for joining us for another 'A Tryst With...' Today we speak with London Escort Sunny Bonheur about community, confidence, and the unapologetic nature of sex workers!
What has your path looked like on your journey to where you are now as an escort?
It's been quite the journey. Three years ago, I dipped my toes into the industry, starting out with online content through an agency. At first, I felt like I was navigating solo, and didn’t know any other sex workers, or at least that’s what I naively thought! A friend already in the industry opened my eyes to this world and I found there was a world out there I didn’t know at all. Transitioning into escorting, I learned the ropes on the fly to be honest, relying heavily on practical experience. Luckily, I found my people in mutual-aid groups early on, which made me feel less alone. And guess what? Turns out, there were way more sex workers around me than I realised! It's been amazing building deeper connections and friendships with them.
Is there something you didn't expect going into the industry?
I surely didn’t expect the admin side of things to be this intense! Back when I first started in sex work, I had this idea that the "sex" part would be the most demanding and time-consuming. But boy, was I in for a surprise! It's so much more than that – it's proper work, through and through. When we say sex work is work, it's not just some catchy slogan to get people to take us seriously. It's because it truly is labour, and it deserves recognition as such, as I mentioned in another article.
There's a whole lot of preparation and aftercare involved, not just for us but for the clients too! And let me tell you, dealing with clients can sometimes feel like a full-time job on its own, especially when some of them seem to be professional time-wasters. You know, the ones who bombard you with a thousand questions but never actually book? Yep, those. And then there's all the other stuff: sorting out locations, staying safe, getting physically prepared, making sure we're up-to-date on sexual health screenings, keeping our website and socials updated, scheduling photoshoots, doing taxes etc, the list just goes on and on!
What has sex work taught you about yourself?
I think sex work helped me be more confident and comfortable in my skin, like an icon once said, both within the context of work and outside of it. I've grown immensely more comfortable with my sexuality and am way better at setting boundaries. Plus, it's opened up doors to parts of myself I never even knew existed! To those clients who've been a part of this journey with me: you know who you are ;) Above all, sex work fostered a newfound sense of independence within me. I thought I was pretty self-reliant before, but this experience has taken me to a whole new level of maturity, all while helping me appreciate and cherish healthy relationships in my life.
We know that working as a sex worker can be expensive to maintain. Would you be able to speak about the costs of professionally performing femininity?
For me, the cost of performing femininity extends beyond finances; it delves into the emotional realm as well. While there's definitely a financial aspect to it, how much it affects us on that front often depends on our advertising and I don't think there is an expected 'normal' amount to spend on that. For example, I personally keep all my body hair. This is a personal choice but it also appeals to many of my clients, some of whom specifically book me for this reason. Therefore, I don't need to allocate extra funds for hair removal, while others do.
However, the emotional toll is significant. I am bisexual and my views on sexuality and gender are fluid. While I generally feel comfortable in my femininity, there are times when I don't wish to present as hyper-feminine, as required by my work. There are days when I'd rather not have painted nails, makeup, or heels. But like any worker, I understand the need to fulfill certain expectations for the job, even if it doesn't always align with my personal desires.
Regarding financial expenses, I estimate spending an average of £150-200 per month on hair, makeup, lingerie, manicures, and pedicures alone. This doesn't include additional expenses such as photoshoots and other job-related costs mentioned earlier.
What do you think the public should know about the sex industry?
What the public should understand first and foremost is the nuanced nature of the sex industry. Often, when we hear “the sex industry”, it's mistakenly equated solely with “prostitution” which is just one aspect. As a sex worker rights organiser, it's crucial to clarify that advocating for sex worker rights doesn't mean advocating for just anyone involved in the sex industry. My focus is specifically on advocating for the rights of sex workers.
Furthermore, when we speak of sex workers, we're not solely referring to those engaged in so-called prostitution. We're talking about a diverse spectrum of individuals, including full-service workers like myself, an escort, as well as strippers, porn performers, online content creators, sugar babies, and dommes. Each sector operates differently, and legislation varies accordingly.
It's essential for people to grasp this diversity to truly understand the complexities of the sex industry. I've encountered countless clients who mistakenly believe they're engaging in illegal activity by seeing me. Imagine their surprise when I break it to them that exchanging sexual services for money is actually legal in most parts of the UK, with the exception of Northern Ireland where paying for sex is criminalised.
Punitive measures only exacerbate marginalisation, especially for those already vulnerable to labour exploitation, across many sectors, including our own.
What is your favorite part of sex work culture? What communities, people, places, and memories are important to you as a sex worker?
What I love most about being a sex worker is the community we've built and our candid discussions about sex. While society is gradually normalising conversations about sexuality, it still remains a taboo topic for many. Within our community, however, there's no need for pretence or tiptoeing around most subjects. We speak our minds openly and honestly, whether it's work-related or not. We're straightforward, funny, and unapologetic. If I have to excuse myself from a sex worker gathering to go piss on someone, then that's exactly what I'll say. In our spaces, we ask questions, share knowledge, and offer unwavering support to one another. In London, there are several in-person and online spaces facilitated by and for sex workers, where I've found immense comfort. One recent highlight was marching alongside sex workers and other activists on this year's International Women's Day. It's been a powerful testament to our solidarity and strength as both a community and a larger movement.
Can you share a little about your experience of being a BIPOC sex worker? What's it like for you at those intersections?
I think for me the first thing to clarify is that when it comes to race, there is nothing I have experienced in my work that I hadn't previously experienced in my personal life. For me, being a Black sex worker intersects with experiences I've encountered outside of work. I would be lying if I said that most of the clients I see don't care about my race. I am fully aware most, if not all seek my company due to a fetishisation of Black women. While I don't mind too much, I appreciate clients who are upfront and respectful about it. It's frustrating when potential clients beat around the bush. What matters most to me is honesty and respect. In my experience, men of colour have been the most upfront and respectful about their preferences, specifically when it comes from fetishisation.
Are there any BIPOC people whose online presence has been influential for you and who you’d like to give a shout-out to? (Fellow workers or otherwise.)
I'd like to give a big shout-out to three amazing friends of mine whose online and offline presence has been incredibly influential for me.
Suki was one of the first sex workers I met, shortly after I began full-service work. Witnessing her thrive as a successful Asian escort was a pivotal moment for me. Until then, I had naively believed that only white escorts could succeed in this industry. Suki has been an unwavering source of support since day one, always offering honest and caring advice.
Tulsi captured my heart from the moment we met! I've had a friend-crush on her since the beginning, and later learned that the feeling was mutual. Her consistency and organisational skills never cease to impress me, and her advice has always proven invaluable. I remember seeking her guidance before, during, and after my first photoshoot – partly because I admired her elegant and glamourous photos, but also because she always greeted me with nothing but kindness.
And then there's Lila, whom I adore beyond words. Not only is she stunningly beautiful, but she's also incredibly funny and creative. I'm endlessly grateful for the hugs, laughter, and deep conversations we've shared. Lila brings joy to my life, and despite the kilometers that often separate us, I always feel close to her.
I consider myself fortunate to have these remarkable individuals as friends, and their work ethic serves as a constant source of inspiration for me.
What's something that brings you joy as a Black sex worker?
What brings me joy is witnessing the success and thriving of my fellow workers, especially Black sex workers and sex workers of colour. Our industry, like wider society, is not immune to social norms and biases. Unfortunately, this often results in Black and POC sex workers being deemed less desirable, impacting everything in our work, including our rates and client interactions. Despite these challenges, seeing marginalised individuals achieve success on their own terms brings me immense joy. In my opinion, success can but doesn't have to equate financial gain and mainly involves the empowerment and fulfillment experienced by those who overcome systemic barriers.
Is there a book, blog, tv show, or movie that has had a major impact on your life? (feel free to geek out about it!)
There are a few, yes. I'm an avid reader and movie buff, so where do I even begin? One of my all-time favourite films is Twelve Angry Men. It sparked my interest in law and was the first black and white film I ever watched. It had a massive impact on me, and I still enjoy watching it to this day.
In terms of literature, three titles come to mind. Firstly, Anouilh's play Antigone was my introduction to theatre, during my teenage years. Exploring its context as a French person myself was particularly fascinating. Secondly, Homer's epic works, The Iliad and The Odyssey, captivated me with their rich language and exploration of Greek mythology. That's what made me fall in love with poetry.
Moving on from the classics, I recently started watching the TV show Harlots on the recommendation of my good friend Phoebe Huxley, and I must say, I'm hooked! Set during the Georgian era, the characters feel incredibly relatable, and it's one of the most compelling portrayals of sex work I've seen. Once again, Phoebe's recommendation proved spot-on!
How do you deal with burnout? How do you recharge or take a break?
Well, I try to prioritise preventing burnout by setting clear boundaries. Like I mentioned above, being a sex worker has actually helped me immensely in this regard. Establishing boundaries is crucial both in my relationship with others and with myself. I've learned to listen to my body more attentively and to prioritise rest and recharge before burnout sets in.
That said, I'm still a work in progress. Sometimes, I push myself too hard and in those moments, I'm grateful for the wonderful and caring friends around me who remind me to take a break. They often suggest low-energy activities or even cook for me, helping me unwind.
Painting is one activity that brings me a lot of calm. It allows me to let go and express myself freely. I paint solely for my own enjoyment, viewing it as a form of self-care that soothes me, rather than out of a desire for an artistic career.
I’m weirdly attracted to: deep voices!
My last meal would be: a brunch involving croissants.
My favourite work outfit is: trousers, low-necked top, medium-height heels, blazer and a long coat.
We'll get along if: you have conversations, enjoy good food and don’t take yourself too seriously.
My greatest turn-on is: neck kisses and soft hands.
My social handles are: @SunnyBonheur on Twitter and Instagram
Want to meet London Escort Sunny Bonheur in person?
Head over to her profile! 👇👇👇
