Welcome back to our sex worker interview series! Today we're in conversation with Berlin Dominatrix Lady Vyra.
We’d love to know a little of your backstory – how did you get here and what do you do?
Looking back, I realize that I was kinky from a young age. Early memories include fantasies of sensory deprivation and imprisonment. As a teenager, I began exploring my kinky side alongside my sexual experimentation. It was during intimate moments that my dominant tendencies surfaced. I vividly recall the thrill of playing with my boyfriend's nipples, being excited by his reaction to pain, but it was his desire to endure it for my pleasure that excited me even more!
I experimented in my private life for a long time and went to an event or two before getting my official start in the BDSM scene at a play party in 2012. The following day, I signed up for a 5-day intensive workshop, "BDSM and Breathwork". The combination of BDSM and the deep understanding of the body through the breath really resonated with me, given my background in dance and experience with Vipassana meditation.
Over the next few years, I attended as many BDSM workshops, festivals, and play parties as I could to gain experience. I met a lot of sex workers along the way, which sparked my curiosity, leading me to explore working as a Dominatrix. In 2015, I took the plunge and began working at my first studio. Initially a side job, it gradually evolved into my primary profession. It’s wonderful to do something that I enjoy so much!
Is there something you didn't expect going into the industry?
Entering the industry, I never anticipated how much my own interests would expand based on my guests' desires. I often receive requests for kinks or fantasies that I initially lack experience in, and I think, "Okay, I'll try this once just to see how it is…" Surprisingly, many of these things have become some of my favorites. I've always had a creative and kinky mind, but my fantasy palette has expanded even further. Doing this work means living out fantasies and scenarios a lot of people can only dream of, which is so exciting!
Another surprise was that I didn’t expect the clientele to be as diverse as they are. Contrary to the stereotypical image of a rich businessman who unwinds after a long day in a position of power by visiting a Dominatrix, I have clients of all genders and backgrounds. Through holding space for and connecting with so many different kinds of people, I've become a more playful, tolerant, and empathetic person.
Is there anything you think the general public should learn from sex workers?
I believe sex workers have valuable insights to offer, particularly in the realms of consent and communication. Understanding that not everyone uses the same language surrounding consent or possesses the same level of awareness regarding their limits and boundaries is crucial. I have definitely brought this awareness into my personal life and it has greatly enriched my relationships.
What’s one myth about professional BDSM that you’d like to dispel?
That it is only about pain and humiliation. Aside from all of the tools, toys, and fetish wardrobe, what is most intriguing about BDSM are the mental spaces that one can reach through it.
I am fascinated by the different things that happen when I meet someone for a session, but what it is all about is feeling their surrender. I want to get to the place where someone’s trust in me allows for a deep journey.
What’s something people should consider before they decide to become a professional dominant?
That it involves a lot more than just wielding a whip!
Working as a professional Dominant means running your own business – one has to think about taxes, advertising, photo shoots, connecting with clients, regularly taking workshops, and training to enhance and update skills.
It's important to consider that the job can be intense at times, and therefore, not suitable for everyone. Being able to establish clear boundaries and taking time for self-care definitely helps with that.
How has your work changed your relationship and approach to consent?
Aside from coming to recognize the varying capabilities of being able to articulate and express consent and boundaries, as I mentioned before, I understand consent in the context of my work as extending beyond looking for the “enthusiastic yes” often emphasized in workshops.
In addition to tools such as a preliminary talk or safeword, I observe the other person’s body language and nuances in their expression that give me clues to how they might be feeling in the session. Another consideration applies to different practices. For example, consent during a role play might look different to consent practices used in a whipping session.
What are some of your favourite kinds of sessions?
My favorites include flogging, role play, and tickling. However, my interests are dynamic, and I often make new discoveries. If you were to ask at a later date, my response would likely be different as my preferences tend to evolve over time.
How do you bring your own personality and personal style to your kink work?
I see my kink work as an extension of who I am in my everyday life. Transitioning from private play to professional Dominatrix was driven by my love for BDSM and a desire to incorporate more play into my life, and that has allowed me to bring authenticity to my work. I want to do this for a long time, so it’s important that I enjoy what I do and who I do it with. I am selective about taking on new clients and only engage in activities that align with my own desires.
I find genuine enjoyment in what I do, and my clients derive the most pleasure when they witness this during sessions, particularly when they feel me enjoying myself at my most powerful.
What does your workspace look like? How is it set up? Do you have a favourite piece of furniture or equipment?
I work in a wonderfully equipped BDSM studio in Berlin where we have 8 playrooms furnished with just about everything you could want in a session. Among the specialized rooms are a latex room, a clinic, and a study, ideal for immersive role play scenarios.
I also offer hotel sessions and have an extensive toy collection that can be discreetly tucked away into a carry-on suitcase.
Currently, my favorite piece of equipment is the Suck-O-Mat. I love the relentless nature of machines – they never tire! It is the perfect tool for merciless orgasm torture or for correcting individuals who find their perpetual arousal hindering their focus.
You mention that you value humor in sessions. Why is it important? What does it bring to your scenes?
I think it’s another myth that BDSM is always very serious. While the intensity of BDSM is something I deeply appreciate, there are moments during a session when laughter can serve as a powerful release. For many clients, meeting me offers a necessary escape from the demands of everyday life, the chance to enter an alternate reality and live out their desires without the stress of being judged or shamed for them. Humor adds an essential element to that experience. Clients particularly love noticing the mischievous glint in my eye when I get a deliciously evil idea!
How do you deal with the emotional and physiological highs and lows of domination? What kinds of aftercare do you provide to yourself?
I usually indulge in sensory pleasures as a form of self-care. Treating myself to sensual delights, such as a soothing massage, good food, or glass of wine, helps me to recharge. From time to time I will splurge on something that I really love, like a bottle of Sadonaso perfume or a new pair of overknee leather boots.
What are some of your interests outside of work? How do you spend your time?
I spend a lot of time reading and love going to the theater and art exhibits. Traveling is another interest, especially if it is to go hiking.
Do you have a favorite piece of sex-worker-made art?
I love Annie Sprinkle’s performances from the 1990s, and I recently read Working Girl by Sophia Giovannitti. It was wonderful!
The way for a client to win me over is: A charming and respectful first email requesting a session.
One of my everyday hobbies is: Fermentation
My favorite fetishwear brand is: Anoeses leather
If you want to buy me a drink, you could order a: Nice glass of red wine
I get a big thrill out of: Travel
What would be the title of your memoir? La vie en Rosebud
My social handles are:
Instagram - @ladyvyra
Twitter - @LadyVyra
Website: http://ladyvyra.com/
Want to meet Berlin Dominatrix Lady Vyra in person?
Head over to her profile! 👇👇👇
