Thanks for joining us for our sex worker interview series 'A Tryst With...' We're speaking with Amsterdam Domme Vita Volition about resilience, vulnerability, and leather!
How did you get into the industry? Can you tell us about your journey with professional BDSM?
My Dominatrix journey began in 2011 when I created my first Fetlife account. At the time, I was living in a small town in Midwest USA. So Fetlife really opened up a whole new world to me. I quickly became enthralled with BDSM and learned why I loved hitting boys in the balls with my purse when I was in middle school. I have a naturally dominant personality, which was frowned upon in the conservative Midwestern communities I grew up in. So when I saw women being celebrated for their dominance on Fetlife, I found a precious avenue to self acceptance. In search of a community of other kinky folks, I moved to The Netherlands in 2013. After 10 years of being a lifestyle Domme, academic BDSM researcher, and sales assistant in a BDSM boutique, I finally felt that I had the knowledge and self-confidence to pursue Dominatrix work full time in 2022. I moved to Berlin to join their thriving BDSM communities and started out my Pro-Domme journey with online sessions and content creation. These sessions helped me develop my Domme persona and figure out what I did and did not enjoy doing. Now, I split my time between having in-person sessions in The Netherlands, doing content creation collaborations with other kinky creators in Berlin, and having weekly online sessions.
How has the industry changed since you started?
For the past decade, I have worked in various BDSM industries including retail, academic research, online sessions, in-person sessions, and content creation. Unsurprisingly, BDSM and Fetish retail shops and dungeons were hit hard during the pandemic while the online session industry grew. In academia, doing BDSM research certainly comes with stigma, but over the past 5-6 years, I have seen it become a bit of a “trendy” topic for research. This may be changing, of course, because of the current political climate. I also see a lot of differences between the BDSM industries of the Netherlands and Berlin. Of course the BDSM scene is really thriving in Berlin and the spaces there are truly top-notch. Berlin is a kinky hotbed, which is why the Dominatrix market is rather saturated. In the Netherlands, however, I would say it's the opposite at the moment. There are very few BDSM spaces, but I feel there is a decent demand in the market for BDSM service providers. In terms of the content creation industry, I am still pretty new, but I see there is a lot of change underway due to AI, and evolving data privacy and censorship laws.
What has sex work taught you about yourself?
Doing sex work has taught me a lot about resilience. Throughout history, sex workers have survived so much discrimination, stigma, and a lot of other forms of systemic violence. As a sex worker, you need to be 2 steps ahead of the systems and people that try to oppress you. I think you have to be quite clever to navigate being a sex worker, especially during times of censorship, legal restriction, and moral panic. So doing this work has taught me a lot about my own resilience and my ability to find ways to circumvent repression.
Sex work has also taught me a lot about holding space for vulnerability. I find that my clients seek to be in vulnerable positions while in my care. This requires me to be very stable and grounded in myself so that my clients feel safe enough to “let go” and give up control to me. I find this to be a rather precious element of power exchange, so I am continually learning about how to be more mindful, aware, and grounded in my mind, body and presence.
How do you bring your own personality and personal style to your BDSM practice?
Lately, I have noticed that I am becoming increasingly nurturing in my sessions. I had previously thought of Dom(mes)as purely cold and distant, but I love to weave in warmth and closeness. I really enjoy the contrasts of cold and warm, distant and close, cruel and tender, punishment and reward, etc. However, I notice that being nurturing, caring and tender in my sessions gives me so much more energy. I love the soft side of dominance and I think this is where my personality really shows up in my sessions. I am rather nurturing by nature and I enjoy bringing that into my BDSM practice.
BDSM is often healing for clients and practitioners alike. Does this speak to what you do as a professional dominatrix?
Absolutely. My process of becoming a Dominatrix was incredibly vulnerable. I was terrified of my desire to dominate, so acting upon this desire was both very vulnerable and very empowering. It helped me gain a deeper sense of self-trust and enabled me to feel a greater sense of alignment with my inner and external worlds. I find that engaging with our fears can lead to transformation. Such transformation is an evolving and continual process for me and BDSM is the vehicle for exploring what scares me the most. Now that I am further along in my Dominatrix journey, I enjoy bringing my clients along for the ride. It really moves me when I see my clients engaging in a desire that scares them. I see so much potential for healing and growth in these moments and I love exploring that potential.
What are some of your favourite kinds of sessions? What fetishes do you love to explore with clients?
I am a sadomasochist at my core. I love pain, both giving and receiving. I love how pain increases sensation and flirts with pleasure. I love feeling the warmth of freshly spanked flesh under my finger tips. I love watching the ripples of sensation that move through my sub’s body when pain is induced. I just love pain. Playing around with the sensations that come from pain is incredibly arousing to me. So my favorite kinds of sessions are when I can focus on giving pain in a way that feels exciting for me but also intense and impactful for my clients. I enjoy bringing them to the edge of what they can tolerate and then releasing them back into the softness of their own bodies.
As for the fetishes I explore with my clients, I notice that for some of my clients, I, as a Dominant Woman, am the fetish of the scene. They are aroused by my presence, my leather gloves, shiny Nylons, long hair, curvy body, heels, armpits, and so on. They are aroused not only by my body and how I adorn it, but also by my character. Being in the presence of someone who is both feminine and dominant seems to contrast greatly with what these clients experience in daily life. And somehow, this contrast creates a fetishistic dynamic in which I am the fetish object of the scene. It is a curious experience to feel like a fetish, but honestly, I enjoy playing around with it and finding ways to use it to gain power over my clients during the session. I mostly notice this fetishistic tendency with clients who have a habit of seeing many different providers only once or twice. With my longer term, regular clients, I don’t usually feel like a fetish object and that enables much more depth in our sessions.
These days, the fetishes I most enjoy exploring are male chastity, heels and foot worship, and financial domination.
When you curate a session, what are you looking to conjure for your clients?
Some of my sessions are just hot, sexy and fun; BDSM is all about play, after all. I really enjoy the light and playful sessions, but I have a deeper appreciation for the depth achieved through long-term play dynamics. With the clients I see regularly, I invest a lot of energy into exploring the subtleties of BDSM; the nuances of pain and pleasure, the complexities of power exchange, the psychology of vulnerability, etc. I take great pleasure in curating experiences that allow us to unlock the parts of ourselves we were taught to repress. This can be a scary experience, and I love caring for a client through the process of exploring fear-invoking desires. There is so much potential for deep interpersonal transformation in these moments of vulnerability and creating a safe place for all of this to unfold is at the heart of my curation process.
Is there a piece in your working wardrobe that you just love?
I love wearing leather, velvet, and black lace, but by far my favorite piece of my work attire is my silicone spade riding crop. The silicone feels so soft as it caresses the skin, then stings so sharply when it slaps the flesh. I find such contrasts in sensation really exciting to play with.
What’s your favorite way to relax and recharge after a long week?
I am a real slut for the sun. I love to be outside in nature, mostly hiking, or laying naked in the sun, like a lizard. I spend most of my days off on the nudist beaches in Berlin.
I also really enjoy the sensual experience of fine dining: getting dressed up, drinking refined spirits and savouring every bite of a dish consisting of complex and provocative combinations of ingredients. Truly indulging the senses through food, drink, a nice ambience and good company is a wonderful way to relax and recharge.
Do you have any special interests? What do you get up to when you aren’t working?
For the past 4-5 years, I have taken a keen interest in psychology, specifically Attachment Theory and Internal Family Systems (IFS Therapy). When I am not working, I am usually reading books, watching youtube videos, or listening to podcasts related to these topics. Even though I don’t consider this to be work by any means, I do think it informs my work as a Dominatrix. Exploring the potential for psychological healing through BDSM is integral to my practice.
Is there a quote or saying that’s important to you, how did it come into your life?
Yes, recently I came across a reel of Helena Bonham Carter reading the poem “Wild Geese” from Mary Oliver. These lines really struck me:
“You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.”
This line really impacted my personal life, but I think it also says a lot about my approach to sexuality. In a lot of ways, BDSM is still classified and legislated as deviant; it is not thought of as a “good sexuality” by societal standards. However, I think it’s important to remember that you don’t have to be “good”, you do not have to feel guilty for your “deviant desires”, you just need to listen to the soft animal of your body. Let your body love what it loves, so long as there is consent from everyone involved in that loving.
My favourite album is: The Idler Wheel…by Fiona Apple
My last meal would be: A mixture of various kinds of dumplings from China, Japan, and South Korea served with loads of different dipping sauces, preferably the vinegar-y ones.
A historical figure I find inspiring is: Anne Lister.
We'll get along if: you are a nerd and geek out with me about your special interests.
My ultimate weakness is: A nice pair of hands.
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