Sugaring Versus Escorting: A Sex Worker’s Comparison

When you strip everything away, being a sugar baby and being an escort are similar things: selling your time and access to your body, as well as cultivating a fantasy. Even still, a number of sugar babies will insist that they are not sex workers. Similarly, a number of sugar daddies refuse to acknowledge that they’re paying for sex transactionally. From my personal experience, sugaring is more of a “long game”, with potential big payouts or purchases, and more blurring of lines, emotionally. Escorting is more cut and dry: you clock in, you clock out. There are prescribed rules and boundaries in place. Industry standards, if you will. As a sugar baby, you are “on'' every moment you’re in their presence, and they also have 24/7 access to you via text, calls, etc.

I caught up with three veteran workers who have done both escorting and sugaring. They have decades of combined experience with the overall differences between sugaring and escorting and the changing landscape of both pursuits.

I spoke with Nicki, Charlotte, and Gia about what they experienced in these two facets of sex work. Nicki is a twenty-something sex worker with seven years experience in the realms of sugaring and escorting. Charlotte, a 28-year old sex worker with a decade of experience, started out as a cam girl. She later danced, and made her way to FSSW before retiring earlier this year. Gia is a 28 year-old sex worker who entered the industry as a dancer, has done myriad forms of sex work, and presently escorts and creates online content.

Barbie: What drew you to the different forms of sex work?

Nicki: A lot of people find it absurd that anyone would ever dream of being a sex worker, but back when I was a teenager, I did. I was intrigued by the idea of doing any kind of sex work. I was always drawn to the promiscuous sex symbol[s] in movies and shows. I found them captivating and mesmerizing and something about them made me want to be them. I never once saw sex work as something bad, despite growing up in a strict, religious, and conservative household. I was always the rebellious black sheep of the family although I wasn't that sexually experienced prior to starting in this industry. I started sex work because I just needed the money. I was drawn to that above all, I didn't care what I got into, I just needed whatever made me money and was the easiest to hide because of my living situation at the time.

Charlotte: When I started escorting it was because I was tired of sitting around the strip club with a full face of makeup on, not making any money. I felt like escorting was a better use of my time. I moved into sugaring to have deeper relationships with my clients and more security. I wanted to create relationships where I could call that client for help 5 years down the road and they’d still be there for me.

Gia: I really needed money and square jobs weren’t cutting it. My mom was a dancer and I knew she used to make a lot of money, so it seemed like the natural thing for me to do. I started sugaring via clients I met at the club. I was drawn to the prospect of more money and being “taken care of,” whatever that means. Escorting was because I got burnt out of sugaring and realised how unrealistic and unsafe it all was. I got into online work because I was curious, already enjoyed making porn, and had a sense it would be something I could do. I liked the idea of not interacting in real life with people.

In what ways is there overlap between these two worlds?

C: For me, as the worker, they’re almost identical. It’s just a different culture. There’s a different vocabulary and different customs, but emotionally and physically for me they’re pretty similar. I think the biggest difference is for the client; they have a different perception of the relationship. There’s also many styles of escorting, so it’s no surprise but the way I chose to escort was adjacent to the sugaring world.

N: In many ways they're the same. You get paid to provide companionship to men. With escorting, I don't see clients outside of the time they pay for, and I don't have to continue communication or provide emotional labor once I clock out. They don't have nearly as much access to me as sugar daddies do. I also see many clients, whereas with sugaring, you're usually seeing only one or a few at the most, and they're more long term arrangements. I have set rates as an escort, as opposed to sugaring where your allowances vary depending on the daddy. Some pay weekly, monthly, per meet, or fund expensive gifts like cosmetic surgeries, vacations, or pay off your monthly bills. Overall though, both escorts and sugar babies have intimate relationships that are transactional and both forms of sex work are a lot of work.

When you strip everything away, being a sugar baby and being an escort are similar things: selling your time and access to your body, as well as cultivating a fantasy.

What’s your favorite thing about each?

G: Sugaring: Creating “stronger bonds” so if I needed something I could turn to them.
Escorting: More control, I feel my time is more valued and I’m taken more seriously. I decide who I meet and generally where. It’s concise, direct, cut and dry. I have fun on dates where we both know what it is, I’m providing a service and they’re receiving and happy to pay for it.

C: Sugaring: the security of men being in love with you.
Escorting: the transactional aspect is more out in the open, so I didn’t have to worry so much about breaking the fourth wall.

Least favorite thing about each?

G: Sugaring: Entitled people that couldn’t accept they were clients just looking for cheaper escort services, and thinking it’s a way to bypass screening. You don’t know who you’re meeting at all. Sugaring isn’t cut and dry like escorting, you have to entertain these guys, text them and be at their whim. They’re super dramatic about it too, while generally having full families of their own. The clientele mainly consists of narcissistic boundary pushers, in my experience.
Escorting: The stigma is hard, never fully feeling safe anywhere at any time, alone or with a client. Screening, dealing with time wasters or people who say outright hateful or disturbing things. Bad hygiene, seeing someone who is absolutely repulsive in every way, physically, mentally, and emotionally, and having to perform sexual acts on them and usually even feign interest in them.

C: Sugaring: just like civ (civillian) relationships, there’s an emotional investment, and with that comes drama and breakups.
Escorting: In my experience based on how I did things, it was a bigger risk to my physical safety.

Where’d you meet your daddies, outside of Seeking? Or was it just there? Ever caught one out in the wild?

C: My friends that still worked in the strip clubs would send them my way when they eventually wanted something more intimate. Mutual SBs would introduce me to new guys. Likewise I’d do the same for them. In my prime I’d freestyle, but for sugar daddies, every weekend.

G: Initially, in the club. Then Seeking. I had great luck on Tinder also, actually.

Sugaring isn’t cut and dry like escorting, you have to entertain these guys, text them and be at their whim.

Which mode of working feels like more effort to you?

N: I feel like they're both a lot of work but in different ways. Sugaring is more work, because as a sugar baby, you don't really get to clock out, and you have to keep up the fantasy far longer and provide more emotional labor for longer time periods. With escorting, there's a ton of admin work that you need to do, such as emails, screening, keeping up social media and websites, planning tours, etc, that you don't have to do as a sugar baby.

G: Sugaring is the most work. All the way. By far.

Let’s talk about sugar babies and their own relationship to their labor. A significant number do not consider themselves to be sex workers. What do you think?

C: Sugaring is sex work. 100%.

N: I honestly think that the majority of sugar babies don't consider themselves sex workers because of the legalities or the heavy stigma behind the title of 'sex worker'. There's so much lateral whorephobia because of the glamorization of sugaring. Social media and Hollywood portray sugar babies as luxurious beauties that have platonic sugar daddies or ones that look like George Clooney. Whereas full-service sex workers and our clients are criminalized and often portrayed in many negative ways. Frankly, whether they like it or not, sugar babies are sex workers. They wouldn't have sugar daddies paying them if they weren't providing intimate relationships with them.”

C: People have tried to profit off of sex workers since the dawn of time and they always will. I see this as just a new way of doing that. Taking advantage of the financial desperation many people felt during the pandemic, sugaring moved into the civ world as a “get rich quick” scheme. I see almost identical content being made about IT jobs. It’s just another industry for con artists to use. However, the difference is there’s a real risk to entering the sugaring world without experience. Following the advice of some of these influencers could put you in physical danger.

G: I think it’s bad and it’s not realistic. It’s really unsafe. Everyone thinks they know everything going in but we all knew nothing, we knew nothing when we started. To have people like that perpetuating the idea that it's easy is really unsafe. Also the work is hard and the way these people publicize it makes it seem like easy money anyone can do or get, which is just so, so untrue. It’s not a trend, it’s your life and it’s one of the biggest decisions you could ever make. It’s not just some hot girl, bad bitch shit or whatever.

N: I think the hype about sugaring is much like the OF hype. People glamorize it and don’t actually realize all it takes to do these things. It’s not easy work at all and it’s super frustrating that people make it out to be easy when they’ve never done it. It’s frustrating when successful workers brag on tiktok about how much money they make without mentioning the details and all the hard work required to make that money. The most frustrating thing of all is people that believe this myth of platonic sugar daddies. Men are absolutely not giving you thousands of dollars for nothing and it’s comical to see so many non-sex workers believe they’re all going to find men like that.

People glamorize it and don’t actually realize all it takes to do these things. It’s not easy work at all

Is there anything you wish you’d done differently, looking back?

C: LOTS. I lost out on money plenty of times early on because I was inexperienced. I also made some dangerous choices early on because, again, I was inexperienced.

G: I wish I’d saved my money. It goes as quickly as it comes.

N: If I could go back and do things differently, I wouldn't ever give my real world info to sugar daddies and I'd stay firmer in my boundaries. I also wouldn't waste my time on Seeking knowing now that sugar daddies from there are the cheapest ones of all.

Any last words, thoughts, anecdotes, words of caution, or words of advice for baby workers just starting out?

Gia: Sex work changed my life. I know my worth, and I know anything is possible through what I’ve learned in these 9 years. Honor your SW elders and see them as mentors. If you have them in your life, try to pay attention. Always trust your gut. Intuition first, always. Let someone know where you are anytime you meet ANYONE outside of the internet or club. Save what you can, but also don’t let the money make you. Much love.

N: My words of caution to aspiring or beginner sugar babies are that anyone that wants to pay you dollar amounts in the triple digit range for several days, weeks, or months of sugaring are not sugar daddies at all, they are salt daddies and they will try to take advantage of you. Sometimes we can use the extra cash but if you accept way less than you deserve, daddies will think it's always ok to take up your time for free or for little financial compensation. If you're a man that wants to be a sugar daddy, just be a really great client. Tip, buy gifts, and be generous on top of paying for an escort's hourly rates. Also, sex work is work and we are deserving of love, respect, and human rights just like everyone else.

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