Navigating Identity and Finding a Home in Domination

As a disabled person having a traditional job can be more than challenging. Being a sex worker/Dominatrix has given me the possibility and access to make accommodations for myself while also being able to make money. There's certain advantages about it; like relating to and understanding my neurodivergent clients and being able to both have and provide structure when in a session, pattern recognition can also be life-saving in this job, as well as trusting your gut. When I have a bad feeling about a client, I trust my instincts, and if I´m still not sure, I ask my colleagues for references.

The first time I had intercourse with a cis man was a paid encounter, it wasn’t for me. I ended up looking for support in the sex work community and with friends. That's how I found out being a Dominatrix was my calling, so I started buying indumentary and accessories, and learning more seriously about it. This is not the experience for every sex worker, some enjoy doing FSSW, some like BDSM. We all do it for different reasons and have different economic, social and mental realities and every one of our preferences and realities are valid.

As a disabled person having a traditional job can be more than challenging. Being a sex worker/Dominatrix has given me the possibility and access to make accommodations for myself while also being able to make money.

I do a lot of research and experimentation before trying new things with my – as I like to call them: “cachorritos” – which means ‘little puppy’ in Spanish. BDSM is one of my special interests along with neurodivergence. Many neurodivergent people are into BDSM, which I attribute to the sensory experience of it, as well the direct communication – which autistic people really tend to appreciate. Some of us are very sensory seeking, so we enjoy intense sensations and sometimes the sensory deprivation that can come with it. It can muffle the world a little, for us. 

A lot of people want to save sex workers from our job (and ourselves) but being disabled and working a traditional job was one of the most difficult, demoralising, and tiring things I have done. I had to use my deadname constantly and lie about my gender, lie about my disabilities. I am openly a non-binary Dom now. Sometimes I still use fem pronouns because it can be more profitable, but I also have clients that ask about my pronouns, and that's something that never happened in the traditional jobs I worked. And now if someone doesn't respect me, I can choose to not work with them, which is really liberating. 

A lot of people want to save sex workers from our job (and ourselves) but being disabled and working a traditional job was one of the most difficult, demoralising, and tiring things I have done.

In Chile it can be really risky being a sex worker and also being trans, that's why as a community we have security protocols to protect ourselves and each other. Recently there was an “escort’s psychopath”, as the media called him, that was harassing sex workers. We as a community already knew about him, since a year ago, but he was just exposed this month publicly. There's also an organization called “Fundacion Margen” that is by and for sex workers here in Chile, that helps the most marginalized people in our community: giving them food, condoms, and orientation and education in different aspects so they can work safely. Something that can be life-saving for many of us.

When I started as a sex worker I didn't know about the whole community that exists, now I feel at home with my peers, especially those that are also trans and disabled. There's tons of us nationally and internationally and it has given me the bravery to live my truth to the fullest. Being more considerate with my own autism and POTS has made me be extra considerate with the possible disabilities, health issues, and gender struggles that my own clients and coworkers have, which are not uncommon. Being myself helps my clients to also be themselves and feel safe doing so. For me as a Dom, there's nothing more important than giving someone the space, the possibility, to be their most honest selves and to live their fantasies with me. Money is important, everybody needs it to eat and survive under capitalism, but doing something that you love while also receiving tributes for it? It's priceless for me.

Being myself helps my clients to also be themselves and feel safe doing so.

Burnout is extremely common among autistic people but working as a dominatrix has helped to support myself and not become so burned out constantly. I do end up kind of physically exhausted from the sessions, but I also feel a lot of satisfaction from doing them. That I have the option to choose my schedules, clients, and prices, is something that I value a lot about being a Dominatrix. Because those are some of the accommodations I need the most. I´m not always at my best physically because of my POTS, or mentally because of my autism but sex work gives me the chance to make accommodations for myself, and live the way I want, doing what I love, while surviving the best I can at the margins of a capitalist society.

Are you a sex worker with a story, opinion, news, or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!

We started the tryst.link sex worker blog to help amplify those who aren't handed the mic and bring attention to the issues ya'll care about the most. Got a tale to tell? 👇☂️✨