Do We Age Out Of Sex Work?

‘Oh babe, you never age out of sex work!’

I think that’s both true and untrue. When I talk about aging out of sex work, I don’t mean that there’s some arbitrary age where suddenly all your work dries up, your hair turns white, and the hooker gods chase you out of your brothel or incall or dungeon, howling about how you’re a hag now. Because there isn’t. My entire working career I’ve had coworkers who, whatever age they claimed to be, were definitely above the ‘line’ that so many people imagine excludes you from engaging in sex work. And they’ve been across the income board, just like other sex workers in all age ranges.

Look, I’ve always loved more ‘mature’ providers. Sometimes they really know their shit and have stories of working in eras you haven’t. They can give you an idea of who and what came before you to make the industry what it is now. They hold our history.

When I talk about aging out of sex work, I don’t mean that there’s some arbitrary age where suddenly all your work dries up...

There are also a lot, A LOT, of clients who are specifically looking for someone above a certain age. Maybe they are looking for a provider closer to their own age, or they want to indulge their assorted MILF and GILF fantasies, or maybe they’re just attracted to a particular mature provider because they are a hot babe, provide a particular service, or otherwise seem like they might be fun to book.

Workers sometimes have a defensiveness towards the idea of aging out of sex work. Because we’ve chosen to do this form of labour, we’ve always had to fight in one way or another. So, when someone asks what happens when we get too old to work, or even when we think of aging in the industry, it’s another misconception we have to fight against. Isn’t it exhausting? Makes me feel old sometimes.

I think you don’t age out of sex work, but I also think I did. How, you ask?? That doesn’t make sense, you say! ALSO YOU’RE ONLY IN YOUR FORTIES!

I don’t think there’s a set age when sex work suddenly becomes impossible, but there’s an age where it gets harder, and it’s different for everyone. Maybe your body can’t take certain activities as time passes, or there’s more frequent flares of your chronic illness. You might need to change your style, the way you advertise, the way you work. You may not be able to make your whole living from it anymore. The old ways you’re used to suddenly don’t work.

I don’t think there’s a set age when sex work suddenly becomes impossible, but there’s an age where it gets harder...

There’s more to it, too. Things that I’d always heard about getting older, but never really knew. I suddenly understand what older women mean when they say they feel ‘invisible’. Men do not look at me, and for someone who has always loved, wanted, and needed male attention in an extremely problematic way, this is weird. For someone who earns a living playing to the male gaze (and as much as I wish it wasn’t so, it was men who were the bulk of my clients), to lose that appeal can be financially devastating. But chasing it is also financially devastating, and in other ways too.

I think my salt and pepper hair is cute and I don’t want to dye it. I think my thick, middle-aged body is sufficient, and I don’t really want to devote the kind of time and injurious thinking it would take for my particular body to be thin. I think I’ve reached a new level of maturity now and can’t wait for glimmers of the kind of wisdom we could recognise in elders, but often don’t. I think I’m looking forward to getting older. I’m leaning into becoming a hag, a twisted and wizened crone. I think it’s going to be excellent! Then I read articles where the otherwise esteemed subject is described as an irrelevant middle-aged woman, and it breaks my heart a little. If a woman is considered irrelevant in middle age, then what kind of message does it send to the rest of us? What do we have to look forward to?

I think I’m looking forward to getting older. I’m leaning into becoming a hag, a twisted and wizened crone.

Just never forget, sex work is as ageist as the rest of our society is. It’s as fatphobic and hung up on looks as the wider culture is. When I say that men don’t look at me any more, this is a reflection of that. I remember dyeing my greys away a few years ago and thinking, ‘But I love my silver streaks’. I’ve listened to other providers talk about the work they get done on their faces and thinking, ‘I love that for you, but don’t want that for myself.’ I’ve heard workers talk about re-branding as they got older and thought that it sounded exhausting on top of all the femme maintenance we need to do. The conflux of all these little factors, the way they start to cascade as you get older, sometimes it just doesn’t feel worth it.

So, what I am saying is, I think there is most certainly a point where you reach an age and say to yourself, I AM TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT. And I guess THAT is what I mean about aging out of sex work.

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