A Tryst with Raleigh escort Xan Tiago
Welcome to another edition of our sex worker interview series, a tryst with. Today we speak with Raleigh escort Xan Tiago about how he got started, how clients can better support trans workers and why the destigmatisation of sex work is important for men too.
Tell us your story, how did you get into the industry and what has your journey looked like thus far?
It’s funny, before I had my top surgery, I had little to no desire to be part of the Online Dating world, but six months after my top surgery, I developed such euphoria and confidence that I decided to put myself out there. A couple of years later, I started realizing I had a thing for chatting/flirting with mature men. Most of them, even to this day, tell me how they fantasize about being with a guy like me, or that they didn’t even know it was a fantasy of them until they came across my profile.
Eventually I found myself conversing with generous men on a monthly basis, until I found the Sugaring world. I had one successful arrangement with an attorney; though it only lasted a few weeks. I continued to invest my time in Sugaring (perhaps too much time), but I slowly began to realize how small the SD population is where I live, especially for those looking for male SBs. Once I found myself wasting my time, I chose to stop altogether.
Fast-Forward a couple more years and one pandemic later, I now found myself living with my partner at our apartment. I started posting on OnlyFans; slowly learning how to build my own platform.
One day, I found my way into the Escort/SW side of the internet, more specifically, Reddit. I had a general idea of what Escorting was, but what drew me in was that these were actual Sex Workers sharing their experiences; their raw emotions, good and bad stories, and–more importantly–no sugar coating the ugly side of the industry. I started reading all these posts by different Sex Workers, and going through the comments to see what others Sex Workers had to say, which I mostly found immense support, respect, and validation for each other.
I subconsciously started investing time in learning more about the industry, I would go on and tell my partner about it; what I learned, what topics I wanted to read more about, etc. We’d be having dinner on a Tuesday talking about what all the different acronyms stand for, or something of the sort.
One day he just flat out asked me if it was something I was considering doing, and if I did, he reassured me he’d continue to be supportive (just like he is with my OF) as well as help me in any way he possibly could to make sure I could keep myself healthy and safe. After all, we are a non-monogamous couple and have fantastic communication with each other…not to mention he is a bit of a cuck himself, haha.
I’ve been escorting since March (2022), and at first I didn’t get any inquiries, and when I did, they would all change their mind and back out when I asked them to be screened. I went online and asked for advice. I thankfully had a (gay) male escort write to me and explain that escorting for male sex workers is wildly different than it is for female sex workers. Men looking for other males are extremely discreet, even panicky. They think you will end up using their screening information to blackmail them. If you ask for a deposit to book, they most likely won’t go through with it thinking it’s a scam; and he was right. I’ve gotten all sorts of excuses to avoid screening/deposits. I did need to start compensating for how much I’d invested so far just getting myself out there, so I decided to book clients without screening/deposits. One thing that’s helped me avoid any trouble is following my intuition and not allowing others to disrespect me. Once I got my own website set up, and started to put out more ads where I could, I started getting more serious inquiries; however, I continue to be extra careful no matter what or who it is.
This job is truly unpredictable. One week you may do really well with bookings, and the next 2 weeks you get nothing but tricks and time wasters. I do my best to manage putting time into making sure I update my ads, and I treat all inquiries with the time and urgency they deserve. The amount of time you spend online, however, doesn’t guarantee you more bookings, but it also doesn’t really hurt you. I’m still in the process of figuring things out in my area. You don’t get the same people someone would in–let’s say, New York, for example. People here are a lot more conservative and don’t comply much, and it’s usually always over the same thing: Screening. Dude…what could I possibly do with your information and why would I use it against you when I’ve worked so hard to build my own reputation?? This screening is for my own protection, not to make you feel uncomfortable.
Overall, I’ve learned so much about the industry, and my respect for it has skyrocketed. I don’t judge those who seek out a provider, and I don’t judge those who provide their services; after all, it’s one of the oldest professions known to man. I’m excited to continue to build my platform as a sex worker, and I want to continue to remind everyone that this is hard work. We are not just sensually laying in bed all day waiting for people to reach out, you know? We are putting so much work into taking care of ourselves, keeping our brand alive and relevant, and making sure we can provide you with the best experience we can.
Why do you think it is important for sex work to be decriminalised, not just legalised and how would it change the way you are able to work?
I think one of the biggest issues I have with sex work being criminalized to begin with stems from the inability and lack of communication so many men have with their spouses, and/or the incredibly high percentage of unhappy marriages that could easily be solved if divorce wasn’t also stigmatized.
Let's also not forget to mention the shame that is associated with investing goods for a service that allows you to be intimate and vulnerable with an emotionally strong, sexually-confident person, who at the same time is patiently caring for the immediate urges and needs you come to them for. Or what, you’re gonna tell me maybe they should just go see a therapist? Perhaps, but why couldn’t they maybe do both? What’s more therapeutic and stress relieving than that?
People–especially men–have their own creative ways of coping with the emotions they are constantly ridiculed for and told to keep to themselves. A lot of these men use sex as a coping mechanism (post-nut clarity, anyone?), and we, as sex workers, can provide them with the safe space they need to not only release all that pent up anger and anxiety in them, but they can do so while feeling confident about their physical and emotional state. You know, kind of like when you’re all by yourself at home trying to get some action going down there and finally...you find the one porn video that does it for you and you can enjoy yourself all the way to the finish line without having to care what somebody else may see, think, or feel from you? Now tell me you don’t feel the most relaxed and comfortable after you do that. That’s what–at least I–am hoping to achieve with my clients.
It would take so much for men (given it’s mostly men who run our government) to admit how beneficial sex work can be when you not only decriminalize it, but provide the needed resources to keep everyone safe and healthy.
The impact this would make on the client inquiries alone would be astronomical. The way I interact with my clients and vice versa would be so much easier, and I wouldn’t have to sneak around and feel like I’m walking on egg-shells all the time. I would have access to a lot more resources and be able to meet and interact with other Sex Workers to share stories and provide support to one another–just like I read about when I first started learning about the industry– except this time I’m in the picture.
I know I have a high sex drive, and do it, but there is nothing better than achieving your goal and satisfying your clients while feeling safe at the same time. Changing the way we view sex work as a society would allow me to have that and more.
What was something you didn't expect going into the industry?
The amount of money one has to invest in personal websites, memberships, advertisements, photoshoots, etc. The only reason I was able to invest and later compensate for all that money was from being fortunate enough to get plenty of bookings right after I started actually posting my ads where I could for free. I got a couple of clients who did several long sessions that helped me out for a few weeks; however, another thing I wasn’t expecting was the sudden slow down in clients. It’s not as steady as some people may think; at least not for those like me who haven’t been in the industry for very long. I went from having bookings weekly to few to none at all over the Summer.
What is something clients can do to make you feel more comfortable as a trans worker?
Honestly? And this is regarding me as an individual trans person and not the entire trans community: Do it. Ask me questions. I don’t like the thought of people being afraid of asking me questions because they’re afraid they might offend me. Keep the conversation polite, do your best to keep politics out of it, and if you’re not sure how to ask something… just tell me that! I’ll most likely tell you to do it the best you can and I’ll correct you if you happen to use a slur by mistake (from not knowing any better); otherwise, how are you going to learn if you can’t ask?
Your willingness to learn, understand, and respect will not only make me more comfortable and safer around you, but it will improve our professional relationship and increase the chances of me booking you again.
What are some benefits and draw backs of the sex industry?
I love getting to be independent and choosing my own schedule. I specifically work a “vanilla” job (8-5 job), so I get to space out my bookings as much as I’m able to, and make sure I’m giving myself a break when I need one. I like not having deadlines to meet or reporting to someone else over my work.
The biggest drawback is not only having to be extremely careful and being smart about what you do, where you go, and who you talk to, but it’s also that I don’t really get to share these experiences and stories with anyone in my personal life, other than my partner. I sort of wish it was seen as just another job where you can meet with friends and family and can casually talk about work, just like everyone else gets to do. It does get tiresome every once in a while feeling like you’re sneaking around everywhere you go.
What’s your favorite way to relax and recharge after a long week?
Not thinking about or worrying about everything going on, what needs to be done next, etc., and just sitting back and enjoying a movie or show while snacking on some goodies. When my battery is running low, I depend on resting and sleeping a lot. I’ve always wished I could pause time so I could sleep for as long as I’d like, and unpause once I’m well rested, that way I still have the rest of the day to enjoy!
What’s your favorite way to spoil yourself/be spoilt?
Food. I have a bad habit of rewarding myself with food actually, haha! I’m actually a big lover of all things chocolate, so I’m constantly getting myself something here and there to treat myself.
I rarely get to do this, but I also love self pampering– think of a spa–except I’ve never gone to an actual spa– but think of the individual services like a massage, mani/pedi, facials (not that kind, the spa kind, ya nasty), or anything that leaves you feeling good and refreshed.
Is there a book, blog, tv show or movie that you’re into at the moment?
Oh man, you’re gonna make me geek out asking me that. I’m actually very much into Star Wars related stuff; or at least, that’s what I’ve leaned more towards in the last few years. I don’t really care to compare the old and the new; the live action and animated, and tell people what’s the best and the worst. I just love all of it for what it is–as its own individual stories, and in its entirety. Could I tell you what kind of ship that is, what model that blaster is, or what all the five crime syndicates are by memory? Hell no. That’s my partner’s job. I’m just here to enjoy it all!
What are your hobbies and interests outside of work?
I love art. I love making it, watching it, learning about it, etc.
I observe art through media people don’t usually think about when they think about, you know… (in a pretentious voice) “Art.” I’m talking about video games, CGI and VFX, Animation–or as some people call it, “Cartoons.” But also places! like a cute little coffee shop with a very soothing aesthetic, or a brewery that’s rustic but also fun–it’ll have something silly like hidden puns everywhere or really cool chalk art. You know what I’m saying here? It’s everywhere! and I think it’s fun to point out the little details someone goes out of their way to include in what they’re doing, even if they’re the only ones who notice it.
If you want to buy me a drink, you could order a:
Vodka Collins, Chocolate Martini, or simply, a Rum and Coke
My favorite restaurant is:
I love food too much to just have one favorite place. Take me somewhere with excellent steak, sushi, or even dessert (especially chocolate), and you’ve aced it.
My ideal date would consist of:
Regardless of the place, tell me about your passions; teach me something new.
My greatest turn on is:
Attentiveness, confidence, and sincerity. Don’t convince me, make me yours (;
My favorite scent:
Woody Fragrances.