A Tryst with Melbourne Escort Frankie James
Welcome to A Tryst With, our interview series! We want to build a space for workers to share themselves, their ideas and their interests in a little more detail. And a place for clients to look a little and learn a lot.
Today we're chatting with the gorgeous Frankie James out of Naarm/Melbourne, about community, organising, and travel!
Tell us your story, how did you get into the industry and what has your journey looked like thus far?
I had a long standing & frustratingly unfulfilled fantasy about pegging male partners. It was getting to the point that I was dreaming about it, fantasizing about it - the works. I had ended a relationship & found myself single and in complete control of my opportunities. I also found myself returning to Australia after extended travels & really didn't want to reenter the mainstream workforce after a long taste of freedom.
I reached out to an old friend who had started work & she was very generous with her time & energy. She let me ask the dumb questions that civ minds come up. Her adult daughter had entered the industry about 6 months after she had, so I was lucky to have different experiences & perspectives to learn from. SW solidarity is solid gold.
I started in parlours & enjoyed the simplicity of walking in the door, doing my thing and leaving work behind until my next shift. That suited me for a long time, until COVID hit & it dawned on me how reliant I was on the establishment for my connection to clients & income. It was a long slog for us in Naarm - I ended up off work for over a year. So I started talking to peers & airing some of my uncertainties around transitioning to Independent and the support was really encouraging. Had a shoot, became obsessed with how hot I look in professional photos and the rest is history lol
How has the industry changed since you started?
The industry changes all the time, yet some things are remarkably stable. It's a timeless profession, it has looked like many things historically, but at the end of the day we're all sucking dick for money, ya know?
Economic impacts have obviously seen shifts in the industry. I missed the online SW boom because I had 'turned off' from my work self during COVID. As a community we're incredibly resourceful and resilient; always adapting & getting creative with the various attempts to criminalise, stigmatise, politicise and deplatform us. We are often the front line of attempts to censor or restrict access/information/service. If they come for us, it's a matter of time before they come for everyone..
Having said that - the success of decriminalisation in Victoria and the ongoing Decrim process in QLD show that there's a lot of hope & opportunity for better outcomes for community in Australian jurisdictions. I'm so grateful to be a part of and benefit from that!!
What are your hobbies and interests outside of work?
Work has contributed to my hobbies - I have an abundance of unscheduled time, which has helped me discover bathing as a hobby. Whether swimming laps, hitting the beach on a weekday or my favourite - a trip to one of Melbourne's sublime bathhouses. I just really like being wet! I've been involved in community organising and advocacy for a few years & am so grateful for the solidarity I've found in those networks. The industry can feel siloed, but being engaged at that level has brought me opportunities to break down some of that. It's also helped me process deeper internalised whorephobia & stigma I wasn't aware I was holding. I would really encourage peers to get involved with your local organisations if you have time & capacity. We are so much stronger together.
What do you think the public should know about the sex industry?
We are everywhere; we're in your families, your neighbourhoods, your workplaces. There is no 1 narrative of SW, our experiences are unique because we're real people. The survival SW story is real & very relevant, whereas my experience has been one with layers of privilege, but equating SW with exploitation &/or victimhood really needs to be challenged. We're held to different standards than other workforces - all work under institutionalised capitalism is exploitative. Very few people are lucky to have a career they completely love & are happy about going to work everyday. It's a job like any other, we have days when we love our work & days when it's a drain or even harmful. That's why workplace health & safety, employee wellbeing and staff retention have been major issues across all workforces in recent decades.
What’s one myth about sex work or sex workers you’d like to bust?
There's a lot of myths around, I have said for a while now that I don't think you can quite understand the nature of the industry without personal experiences of it. Before I started working I held myths I needed to unpack, but my early experiences helped do a lot of that quickly. Connection, belonging, intimacy, touch, yearning and physical lust are normal human needs. They're nearly universal - wanting these things for yourself doesn't make you a pervert, pathetic or immoral. It's society's attitudes to having these needs met that's the issue. Sure some of us can offer nurturing connections while others focus on physical release - but we're all meeting needs that aren't being fulfilled for whatever reason. Relax the knee jerk judgments, question where those beliefs are coming from - is that what you 'feel' to be true or is that something you were taught by social/political/religious morality?
What are your top three tips for someone just starting out in the industry?
Trust your gut! It has a way of communicating & the more often you listen to & trust it, the better honed it becomes. Back yourself, if something feels odd don't battle with the reaction - take it as an opportunity to learn & build your experience bank. Even if you can't change that situation, you can reflect on it later & grow from it.
Connect with your peers! Contact your local worker organisation, ask about resources, look for networks. It's not the easiest to find when first starting out, but they exist & majority of my experiences have been really positive. Respect Inc (QLD Peer Org) run a New Worker Info session (1 on 1) that I went to before working & it helped me a lot with practical tips & tricks. Reach out to peers you look up to, not with an expectation of free mentoring or advice, but introduce yourself and start making connections. We all started somewhere.
Only *you* can do what you do. I still struggle with branding & marketing, it's not a strong suit for me - so I focus on being the kind of worker I want to be. I don't have a typical look, for some people I'm 'too tall, too tattooed, my hair is too short, I'm too cheeky or I don't play the game well enough'. You're never going to please everyone, it's a physical impossibility. Don't mold yourself to what you think clients want - focus on working out what you like, what feels harder, who you have the best times with. From that place you will build & discover your brand for yourself rather than emulating what you think you're meant to do or be.
Are you out as a sex worker and if so what was that process like?
I am not fully out - I'm not Face Out thanks to FOSTA/SESTA but I'm out to most of my friends. I'm comfortable telling most new connections about what I do, but I'm still selective because I don't have the energy to deal with endless projected stigma. It has been really liberating - since the announcement of Decrim in Victoria - to be more visible and not afraid of how that could be used against me. It's also helped relieve me of shame & stigma that the legal framework had created for me. I hope to be even more out in the future but there's a few things that would need to change before I felt that was safe for me.
Is there a book, blog, tv show or movie that has had a major impact on your life? What was it and what did it teach you?
Come - Rita Therese/Gia James was a gut wrenching but powerful read and I would recommend it to anyone who hasn't read it. My perspective is that it honestly addresses some of the issues we see overrepresented in our communities, whilst maintaining the intersections of personal identities and experiences with our work selves. Maybe we're processing grief or trauma - but that's human. You can still make your own decisions, you are in charge of your own story even when life is calling a lot of the shots. Plus the practical advice section is so valuable - so much SW knowledge is passed through word of mouth - recorded resources are invaluable to our collective histories.
What are the top three cities you’ve been to and why?
I'm a big slut for travel, it's a cliche but it fills my cup unlike a lot of things in this world. I have found a home away from home in Copenhagen, Denmark - thanks to meeting some wonderful humans & being welcomed into their homes & lives. I try to visit each summer & respect a lot about Danish culture due to their socialist lineage.
Sevilla, Spain is a beautiful city rich with art, culture, architecture & history. The way of life in the south of Spain is relaxed; siesta culture is amazing, free or cheap tapas with drinks & social connection is valued. It's normal to see whole families with young children eating dinner outdoors at 10pm in summer. It's also a very walkable city which I love.
Naarm/Melbourne. Having travelled a lot, I believe it's one of the most liveable cities in the world. The culture is hard to describe, but there's a feeling there, an energy that is infectious. The food is amazing, the bars are amazing, the music & arts are amazing, it has a lot of green spaces & people seem comfortable to do their own thing. There's a lot of subcultures and communities to tap into, always something going on. It's vibrant.
Fave Scent - Tom Ford Oud Wood
Dream date - a destination FMTY somewhere I've never been, or a FMWY somewhere I have and let me be your hostess with the mostess.
Favourite restaurant - Cutler & Co in Melbourne. Dream restaurants to try - Ona in France or Eleven Madison Park in New York. They're both Michelin starred & fully plant based
Fave thing to be gifted - Bordelle, Edge O' Beyond, Posie, Tjisa Damen, Studio Pia. I would spend all my money on lingerie, I have a major lingerie fetish.
Social cause - Haha do you want the whole list? I'm a bit of a bleeding heart.. I would love to see more diverse representation of SW voices breaking into the mainstream. The white 20 something 'high class escort' story has been told, let's make way for the breadth of our whole community.