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A Tryst with New York escort Audrey Arrow

A Tryst with New York escort Audrey Arrow

. 12 min read

Welcome to our interview series, a tryst with! If you haven't joined us previously, this is a space where you're able to learn directly from sex workers and take a peak into their world. From this series we hope you'll gain a better understanding of not only the ins and outs of the sex industry, but why sex workers advocate for the things they do and how best to support them. Today we chat to New York escort Audrey Arrow about decriminalisation, coming out as a sex worker, censorship and her many creative outlets!

Tell us your story, how did you get into the industry and what has your journey looked like thus far?

I got into the sex industry in 2014 because I had just dropped out of college, had no job and needed money. A friend sent me a post in a Facebook group where a woman was recruiting people to work for her phone sex business. My friend thought it might be the kind of thing I’d be interested in, and they were right! I sent a message to the woman who’d made the post and she made a profile for me so I could start working as a phone sex Domme. I went independent, and then I tried a few other kinds of sex work. I cammed, sold used panties online, sifted through profiles on sugar daddy sites, and spent a grand total of 7 days working in peep show booths. None of it was really my style. After about a year in the industry, I decided to try escorting.

I had a friend who was out as an escort, and we had a long phone call where she gave me tips about how to stay safe and where to advertise. As soon as I had my first session, it was like something clicked. Like, why didn’t I do this sooner?! Obviously this is the job I’m meant to have. After a couple months of escorting I went back to college, thinking I wanted to become a social worker. For the years I was in my undergrad program I was a full-time escort. By the time I got to my first quarter of grad school, I became disillusioned with the idea of being a social worker. I realized social workers have very little power to actually improve people’s lives, and that often social workers are just an arm of the state. So I quit the program.

And then I started looking at escorting differently. I realized that I actually had a really great job. All that time I was just thinking of sex work as something I was doing “for now,” a casual gig that I picked up now and then to pay the bills. But there are a lot of job perks that come with sex work that are harder to find in other jobs. I’m my own boss and I decide everything I do. I set my own schedule, and can take time off whenever I want. I have creative control of my work, and I have so many opportunities to express myself creatively. And I love the sex worker communities that I’ve been a part of. So then I started thinking of sex work as my long-term career, and I started taking it more seriously.

I provided kink and fetish friendly GFE services for years. Then in 2020 when the pandemic started, I started thinking about my work differently again. In my personal life I’ve always been into BDSM. Before I had even started doing sex work, I had a big submissive phase where I was having regular casual threesomes with my best friend and his girlfriend, going to kink clubs and munches, basically just doing endless horny kinky stuff. Then I was a slutty switch for years, exploring both sides of D/s in my personal and professional life. Now I really enjoy being in my Domme energy, and I’m in a 24/7 D/s relationship with my girlfriend. When the pandemic started and my income dropped off, I really reevaluated my work. How could I make it more fulfilling, rewarding, and interesting? And then I realized of course I had to become a pro-Domme. Again, it was like, why didn’t I do this sooner? Honestly, my whole life my friends have always been telling me I have Dominatrix vibes. It’s like everyone else knew I was going to become a pro-Domme before I did.

So for the past two years I’ve been providing companionship and pro-Domme sessions, and often combining those two types of sessions for what I’ve been calling “Dommepanion.” I love the variety that I get in my work now. The FemDom sessions let me flex my creativity and satisfy my own kinks. The escorting sessions are relaxing and hot. I also got back into doing online sex work like phone sex calls, sexting, webcam sessions, and custom porn clips. For years I thought I didn’t like online sex work, but now I really love doing it as a supplement to my in-person work. It’s a great way to connect with people who live too far away to meet me, or who want to get to know me before they book me, or to stay in touch between sessions.

How has the industry changed since you started?

FOSTA/SESTA and the death of Backpage were the biggest changes to the industry since I started doing sex work. For years I would just throw an ad up on Backpage and trawl through the adult gigs section from time to time whenever I needed money. There still isn’t really a replacement site for Backpage that fills the space it left behind. Not only did it allow you to work casually with inexpensive ads that you could put together in fifteen minutes, it was also really popular among clients. After Backpage was seized, the remaining ad sites had much stricter rules because of FOSTA/SESTA. They were either a lot more expensive, or a lot less popular among clients. Or both, in some cases!

While both of those things really changed the sex industry fast, I also feel like the industry is always changing. There are always attacks on sex work that change how we do business. Before FOSTA/SESTA and the Backpage seizure, it was California requiring condoms in porn. Before that, it was Craigslist no longer allowing adult ads. Before that, the 1-800 and 1-900 phone sex numbers of the 1990s were being hit with legal attacks by the FCC. Before that was the Feminist Porn Wars. Recently, it was Visa and Mastercard imposing strict rules on the types of porn they’ll process transactions for. There are always things that require the industry to change, and sex workers will always adapt to change and keep working anyway.

What are some of your hobbies and interests outside of work?

I love reading and writing. I read all sorts of things - poetry, fiction, political theory, and books about sex work are some of my top categories. I write poetry and fiction. It took me a long time to get disciplined with writing. I’ve always loved it, but found it hard to follow through unless I had a burst of inspiration. Now I have a rule for myself to write at least one sentence every day, so it’s just a daily habit. And one sentence almost always becomes more than just one. Sometimes just writing one sentence helps you get that burst of inspiration!

I started learning guitar in 2020 and now I have weekly guitar lessons. My teacher is fantastic! Practicing guitar for an hour or two every morning has become one of my favorite parts of my day. It’s really satisfying to see my progress.

I have a lifelong interest in fashion. I love the way you can completely change your energy with an outfit. Even as a kid, I was playing dress-up games when I didn’t have my own wardrobe to play with. In high school and college I loved digging through thrift and consignment stores, searching for hours to find really unique pieces. I have a fashion fetish and get a real thrill from things like leather, latex, lingerie, and boots. Now that I’m a sex worker, one of the best parts of my job is planning photoshoots and choosing outfits that make me feel hot as fuck. But I also have a totally normal, non-horny interest in fashion. Every outfit you wear presents you to the world differently, and makes people see different sides of you.

Lately I’ve also been playing a lot of Animal Crossing. I’m not really a gamer, I mostly just play cute games. But working on my island in Animal Crossing is my favorite way to wind down at night.

Is there a book, tv show, or movie that has had a significant impact on your life? What was it, and what did it teach you?

Do albums count? Joanna Newsom’s Have One on Me. It taught me “coo coo coo coo coo.” Ok, I’m being silly about it, but I think she is one of the most genius living artists and I could talk about her music for hours. And I’ve been learning a bunch of new guitar techniques by learning to play her songs!

Why do you think it is important for sex work to be decriminalised and how do you think it would change the way you work?

Criminalization is obviously harmful to sex workers. It’s intended to make sex work so difficult or dangerous that we quit. Criminalization is unsuccessful in its goal anyway - sex workers are still out here sex working.

Legalization to me is still a form of criminalization, because it ends up criminalizing sex workers who can’t meet the requirements of legalization. For example, legalization often requires sex workers to get licenses. Sex workers who can’t get licenses for whatever reason, like because they can’t afford the fee or because they’re undocumented, would still be criminalized. Legalization also sometimes means that sex workers must work in a brothel, where the industry standard is that management keeps 50% of workers’ earnings.

Decriminalization lets sex workers actually be in control of our work - when we do it, where we do it, what we will and won’t do, who we work with, and how much we charge. The less legal control is exerted over sex workers, the more control sex workers have over our own work environments, and the less vulnerable sex workers are to exploitation.

I don’t think the way that I personally do sex work would change much with decriminalization, to be honest. I would feel way freer to be upfront about the kind of services that I do and don’t offer, which would make it much easier to discuss and plan sessions with my clients. But I also think that decriminalization would drastically alter the shape of the whole sex industry in the US, so who knows what my work would look like? Everybody’s work would be different! I would still be out here sex working. I bet regardless of whatever happened, the actual services I offer would not change at all.

What's one change you would like to see happen within the sex industry?

I’d like to see more sites run by current or former sex workers. It’s always a bummer when sites are run by non-sex workers who are profiting off us without knowing what it takes to do the actual sex work. Especially when clients own the ad sites, sometimes the administrators have an almost combative relationship with the sex workers who keep their site going.

What do you think the public should know about the sex industry and sex workers?

We’re not different from you. We’re just doing a job, the same way you are. Any kind of person could be a sex worker. You probably know more sex workers than you think you do.

We know sex workers are experiencing censorship and discrimination both online and offline. What has your experience been with this and how has it affected your work?

My most memorable experience with discrimination because of my job was being rejected by my girlfriend’s family because of it. I ended up writing a 7000-word letter to them, describing my whole life story, why I started sex work, why I’m still doing sex work, and giving them a basic introduction to sex workers’ rights. Which did make them start to think about sex work differently. Situations like this are why I’m very out about being a sex worker. I don’t really hide it from anybody. Before they met me, they thought I was basically an amalgamation of every sex worker sterotype they could think of. After they had a chance to listen to me, they realized that was ridiculous. Being out as a sex worker means that I can challenge people’s assumptions about sex work.

Different advertising websites’ reactions to FOSTA/SESTA have been really censoring. On certain sites I have to use the most conservative pictures, with the blandest ad copy that says nothing about my services. It’s frustrating, because I do provide a niche service! A lot of my clients tell me it’s difficult to find a pro-Domme who also offers escorting. And on some sites, I can’t describe that offering of mine at all if I want my ads to stay online.

What’s one myth about Sex Work you’d like to bust?

One myth about sex work I’d like to bust is that most sex workers want out of the industry. Many do, but many others really like this kind of work. I think of sex work as my career and I don’t have any intentions of getting out. And even sex workers who do want to quit don’t want the interference of people who are trying to “save” them.

What do you think the public could learn from Sex Workers?

Communication is the key to having good sex. Talk with your partners about what you both like and dislike. Be open-minded when your partners talk about their desires, and you’ll be met with an open mind when you talk about yours.

Sex and intimacy are about the journey, not the destination. Enjoy yourself and don’t put pressure on yourself to “perform” or have expectations around specific acts that need to happen. Just think of it as an exploration where you’ll probably find something hot.

In my experience, few people look out for each other the way that sex workers look out for other sex workers. I think the public could learn a lot from the things we do to help keep each other safe.

What are your top three pieces of advice for workers just starting out?

Get really comfortable saying no.

Take regular days off where you don’t take sessions or answer emails to prevent yourself from burning out.

Don’t be afraid to be exactly the person you are. Many sex workers invent a persona for their work when they start out because they think they have to. I did that and I found it really exhausting to keep up with. If you’re just yourself from the beginning then you’ll attract clients who just naturally like you and are enjoyable to be around.

What would your dream date look like?

My dream date would be an overnight that starts with eating a delicious meal. Maybe sushi, or French food, or a Mediterranean restaurant. We could share some courses and get drinks and talk about what we’ve been up to lately, getting comfortable together. Then we’d enjoy some music, maybe by going to a jazz club, or a concert, or just alternating song choices on Spotify while we get close back at the hotel room. When it’s time to play we take our time to feel the luxury of pleasure. If you’re into FemDom like me I would love to plan a scene that pushes all your buttons, lasting until you’re completely spent and I’m fully satisfied. Either way, we end by falling asleep, totally exhausted. In the morning you bring me coffee and we order room service, then we get a bit more play time in before it’s time for me to leave. When I make my way home, I’m basking in the afterglow in the morning sun!

My favorite scent is: my own. ;)

My favorite restaurant is: seafood.

If you were to buy me a drink at a bar, you should buy me: a fruity or floral cocktail with a fun name. Or a THC infused drink.

My favorite thing to be gifted is: fashion.

A social cause I care about is: sex worker mutual aid.

Want to meet New York escort Audrey Arrow in the flesh? Head over to her Tryst profile! 👇👇👇

Audrey Arrow • Tryst.link
Audrey Arrow is a female Escort from New York, New York, United States. ❤ “Captivating Companion & FemDom – I’m Audrey, a bookish bisexual bimbo babe, devious erotic fiend, & lover of freaky kink. Probing the erotic imagination is my endless source of fun...”